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365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help Children Learn Etiquette [Paperback]

Sheryl Eberly
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)

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365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help Children and Teens Learn Etiquette 365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help Children and Teens Learn Etiquette 4.5 out of 5 stars (2)
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Book Description

Nov. 27 2001
If you’ve ever cringed at the sight of your ten-year-old waltzing through the neighbor’s front door without an invitation, or struggled to teach your teenager proper “netiquette” for navigating the complicated world of social networks, you know the importance of teaching kids that manners matter.
 
Sheryl Eberly’s bestselling 365 Manners Kids Should Know gives clever and insightful advice for the myriad situations where consideration counts, but is sometimes forgotten. This new edition incorporates tips for every aspect of digital communication into her straight-forward format.
 
Using a smart one-manner-a-day organization, parents, grandparents, and teachers alike can find practical ways to teach essential manners like:
 
-    When and where it’s appropriate to text
-    How to write a thank-you note
-    The proper way to handle an online bully
-    How to behave at events like birthday parties, weddings,and religious services
 
Full of role-playing exercises, games, and other activities that adults can do with children, 365 Manners Kids Should Know explains not only what manners to teach, but also how—and at what ages—to present them.
 

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Product Description

About the Author

SHERYL EBERLY runs Distinctions, a company that presents manners instruction seminars to children, young adults, and businesspeople. She lives with her family in northern Virginia.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

A Great Beginning

Learning good manners will help your child act toward others with respect and take into account their feelings. Your child will also gain the confidence that comes from knowing the proper thing to do. As a parent, you're sure to discover it's a gradual process. While your children will put into practice a few good manners, you'll need to remind them often of others. Start with the basics, and enjoy the journey together!

January 1
How early should you start teaching manners?


Parents begin teaching manners by example as soon as a child is born. While our children might do what we say, they are more likely to do what we do. First-time parents may find it shocking to hear their child spout an off-color phrase she learned from a parent. Whether we like it or not, learning usually takes place in the home, through imitation.

It's a good idea to teach your child one new chore each year. If a child learns to make a bed at age three, at age four he can begin emptying the wastebaskets, and by five start to set or clear the table. Try a similar approach with manners. Teach your child a few manners--and when he's mastered those, start on a few more. Lay a foundation and begin to build on it. Expect basic manners from a five-year-old, and more from a ten-year-old. You'll be amazed how many compliments you'll get by the time your child reaches adolescence.

A three-year-old should:

- Establish eye contact when speaking to another.
- Say hello.
- Wash hands before and after a meal.
- Stay seated during the meal.
- Use utensils at the table.
- Say "please" and "thank you."

A ten-year-old should:
- Be able to hold a conversation with an adult.
- Use good table manners.
- Answer the telephone properly and take careful messages.
- Show self-control in public places.
- Take responsibility for keeping the bedroom neat.
- Stand when an adult enters the room.
- Know how to be on time.

A fifteen-year-old should:
- Initiate conversation and show interest with adults.
- Pick up after herself and her friends at home.
- Maintain a noise level that is acceptable to the family.
- Be protective and kind toward younger siblings.
- Express appreciation to parents and others.

January 2
There's no place like home


Some families are on their best behavior when they go out but like to kick back at home. They also let this philosophy govern their manners. Sarah Ferguson, the duchess of York, once told a reporter about her formula for good manners at the table. She and her daughters have A, B, and C manners, she explained. When they're dining with the queen at Buckingham Palace, they use their very best A manners. When they're at a restaurant, they're more relaxed, so they use their B manners. And at home? They're even less proper; C manners are fine.

Contrast Fergie's philosophy with pre-Civil War Eliza Farrar's. "Would it not be more refined and honest," she wrote in The Young Ladies Friend (1834), "to live a little better every day and make less a parade before company?"

There may be some value in being relaxed at home, but at what cost? One of your goals as a parent is for good manners to become habits for your child. If chewing with his mouth closed is necessary when he's out but not when he's at home, chances are he won't chew properly at home or when he's out. Having different codes of manners can be confusing to your child and not very practical in the long run. It's a bit like telling a pianist that how he plays at home doesn't matter as long as he performs well at a recital.

Parents can save themselves some headaches and teach children that the family deserves to see their best behavior. Here are a few ways parents can encourage children to help make home a nice place to be. Suggest that they:

1. Talk to their parents. Say "good morning" and "good night."

2. Respect the privacy of others. Don't listen in on phone conversations, read others' mail, or snoop in their closets.

3. Knock gently on a closed door before entering.

4. Use good table manners.

5. Borrow items only if they've asked to do so. Return them in good condition.

6. Spend time with their siblings. Don't hibernate in the bedroom.

7. Ask family members how things are going.

8. Use an "indoor voice" when they're in the house.

9. Pick up after themselves.

10. Don't let their goodbyes be accompanied by unkind words.

Activity

Post the above list on your refrigerator and compliment your child when he puts one of the rules into practice. If your child likes to create things on the computer, have him design the list for the fridge.

January 3
"Please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry"


Sometimes a child's good manners reveal a naturally sunny, kind disposition. This isn't always the case, but practicing good manners helps a child begin to develop consideration for others.

By following good manners in daily life, we learn to control ourselves and become aware of how our actions and words affect others. At some point, with enough practice, the learned formalities become second nature.

This is certainly the case with saying "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry."

As soon as a child is able to extend a chubby little hand and ask for a cookie, you should encourage him to say "please." As soon as he is old enough to be given a gift, prompt him to say "thank you." As soon as he can offend another person, "I'm sorry" should become part of his vocabulary. Your child may still believe he's the center of the universe, but his words should reveal a person who cares for other's feelings.

"Please" should be part of every request. Insist that your child say, "May I please have a drink?" If the child is very young, "Drink, please" is okay.

"Thank you" should always acknowledge receipt of an item, favor, or kindness. Children should use it when they are handed a cookie, when they've been given a gift, or when they've visited someone's home.

"I'm sorry" (not "I didn't mean to!"): These two words can calm rough tempers, smooth hurt feelings, and give everyone a fresh start. Children should say this when they break something, make another child cry, or forget to do a chore, for example.

Activity
Use the prompt-and-praise method for reinforcing the use of the kind words in this lesson. Prompt your child in private about when to say "please" and "thank you." Praise him in private after he puts your suggestions into action. Also, always say "I'm sorry" to your child when you're wrong about something.

January 4
Apologizing


Children should be encouraged to make "please" and "thank you" a daily part of their vocabulary. But two other small but powerful words belong there, too: "I'm sorry."

When a child inadvertently bumps into another child in the hall at school, "I'm sorry" is the right thing to say. When she realizes she's taken a second brownie before someone else has had a first, "I'm sorry" helps her appear polite. When your child is late, forgets to bring her uniform, or lets her pet dig in the neighbor's garden, "I'm sorry" shows she can take responsibility for her actions. Little offenses stay little when they are acknowledged and apologized for. When nothing is said, they could ruin a friendship.

At times an apology needs to be written. Your child doesn't need to apologize in writing for small offenses if she's had a chance to apologize verbally, and she shouldn't apologize too much or if she's done nothing wrong.

But if your child breaks something or betrays a friend by revealing a secret, a short note of apology can accompany the replacement of the broken item or a bag of candy for the wounded friend. A note of apology might look like this:

Dear Alicia,

I am so sorry I told Kelsie that you're getting glasses. You told me to keep it a secret and I went and blabbed it anyway. I know you're worried about what it will be like and I only made matters worse. Please forgive me. You're my best friend and I feel terrible that I hurt your feelings.

Jenna


Activity

Tell your child about a time that you apologized to someone. Explain how you felt and how things worked out.

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Learning good manners will help your child act toward others with respect and take into account their feelings. Read the first page
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Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good for the kids, and the adults June 15 2003
Format:Paperback
We have had this book for about a month now, and we have been thoroughly enjoying it. My stepdaughter really enjoys the lessons, but of course it does not make her manners great. While we learn the ideas of new manners, the old ones go out the window unless they are constantly reinforced. Overall, this book is nice as we see improvement and an awareness of how we all can be more pleasant to others, and that the basis of manners is making others like to be around us.
This book is great for those of us who have been brought up with manners, but it can be very frustrating when we try to enforce some of the more old-fashioned manners and other adults tell us (in front of the children) that "it's okay" or whatever. When I tell my stepdaughter to call adults Mr. and Mrs. So-And-So and then those adults say not to, that bothers me. Or if I tell my stepdaughter not to push to get in front of adults and they say "that's okay", that bothers me too. It seems that manners are not expected of children these days and I guess that is why we don't see them so often. Plus it takes guts for we adults who believe in manners at all ages to stand up to adults who don't expect manners from children!
Well, I think kids are really excited about manners, as my stepdaughter asks all the time to have her dad read from "the manners book". And this book has all the manners that you remember as a kid: table manners, the lost art of the THANK YOU letter, etiquette when you are a guest at someone else's home (what to bring, what to say), etc. I really like it so far!
Another reviewer mentioned that the lessons are laid out for each day of the year.
Read more ›
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is an enjoyable book with little tidbits to teach your children and yourself, as time goes by.
I would suggest this for people with and without children.
:-)
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4.0 out of 5 stars manners Oct. 2 2010
By carmen
Format:Paperback
This book should be in every home - it is an excellent aid in helping parents (and grandparents) to teach good manners at home and away.
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Great ideas and pratical advice Oct. 29 2002
Format:Paperback
This book goes into great detail and wonderful practical ideas for teaching children manners. It's organized for reading one reading per day for a year. It's hard to start except on January 1 because one "lesson" builds on another. We wish it wasn't dated by calendar day so it could be started at any time. Other than this little quirk, it's a great book!
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.2 out of 5 stars  31 reviews
106 of 109 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good for the kids, and the adults June 15 2003
By mrsbrenner - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
We have had this book for about a month now, and we have been thoroughly enjoying it. My stepdaughter really enjoys the lessons, but of course it does not make her manners great. While we learn the ideas of new manners, the old ones go out the window unless they are constantly reinforced. Overall, this book is nice as we see improvement and an awareness of how we all can be more pleasant to others, and that the basis of manners is making others like to be around us.
This book is great for those of us who have been brought up with manners, but it can be very frustrating when we try to enforce some of the more old-fashioned manners and other adults tell us (in front of the children) that "it's okay" or whatever. When I tell my stepdaughter to call adults Mr. and Mrs. So-And-So and then those adults say not to, that bothers me. Or if I tell my stepdaughter not to push to get in front of adults and they say "that's okay", that bothers me too. It seems that manners are not expected of children these days and I guess that is why we don't see them so often. Plus it takes guts for we adults who believe in manners at all ages to stand up to adults who don't expect manners from children!
Well, I think kids are really excited about manners, as my stepdaughter asks all the time to have her dad read from "the manners book". And this book has all the manners that you remember as a kid: table manners, the lost art of the THANK YOU letter, etiquette when you are a guest at someone else's home (what to bring, what to say), etc. I really like it so far!
Another reviewer mentioned that the lessons are laid out for each day of the year. That doesn't really apply to us either, since my stepdaughter isn't here every day, so we just started at the beginning and use a bookmark to pick up at the next lesson. Some lessons are very short, some are longer, and the book is broken into chapters so you can look up specific situations as well if you need to.
We've enjoyed it and we highly recommend it. I actually recommended it to a lady in a restaurant who had a remarkably polite two-year-old. You don't have to wait until bad manners are a habit to introduce good manners. Kids are so eager to do the right thing if they are introduced to it from the beginning! And we adults have learned a few things ourselves!
48 of 49 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Great Information, Poor Layout Aug. 26 2005
By J. Shupe - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
This book is FULL of great ideas and information. It is however, listed in calendar format which cannot really be used practically. February 16 is about swimiming pools and unless they are indoors, not many are swimming at this time of year. And there aren't exactly 365 differnent manners because some of them are repeated and build on each other.

None-the-less, themes are still grouped together such as, Telephone Talk, Table Manners, and Body Basics. There is even a section on different religious places and ceremonies which is great if you get invited to service you are not familiar with.

There is a section on Tea Parties that I can't wait to practice with my little girls!!! This book covers the basics such as dances and correspondances a great area of patriotism. There are ideas on how to practice many of the manners this book covers a great deal of information and situations.

Absoulutely worth it, just don't expect to teach your child a new manner each day as the title and book suggests. Instead, you can focus on a group of manners over time and use this book as a great reference. I know I learned a lot and look forward to my children knowing and using their manners, also.
45 of 49 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Can be useful April 25 2007
By apoem - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
First the positive. This book has a lot of ideas about manners, teaching manners. There is enough in this book to fill up a years worth of lessons (obviously).

The problems with this book is that many of the manners are broken down into tiny tiny parts and these parts are spread through out the book. For example, it might teach you how to address men (Mr.) one day and then a week later teach you how to address women who are married (Mrs.)

This gives it a feeling of being disorganized because each part of a manner is broken down and it is spread through out the book, rather than being in one place.

If you are considering buying this book I'd suggest this is one you want to look at and see if it provides what you want in a manner you can use.

The children and I refer to this book but for the most part it sits on the shelf unusued.
34 of 37 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book for kids and adults Sept. 15 2004
By Amazon Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I just got this book to help my daughter (6 yo) improve her manners. I started reading it, and was amazed at how much *I* didn't know about proper manners!

In my opinion, there is a lot of detail in this book that is not strictly necessary for day-to-day living. For instance, there is a detailed description of which hand to use for each utensil, and how to cut meat and then transfer it to the mouth. Perhaps my standards for etiquette are low, but I'm happy if my kids simply use their utensils instead of their hands!

All of that said, this book is an outstanding resource for unusual or unexpected social situations, such as funerals, bar/bat mitzvahs, and the proper way to behave at these occasions. It's definitely a great resource book to have on hand.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Comprehensive Guide May 24 2007
By Sandra Dutton - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
365 Manners Kids Should Know is the best comprehensive guide to children's manners I've found. The calendar entries are arranged under 23 sections, among them "Getting Along With Other Kids," "Table Manners Made Easy," and "Be a Guest and Host." This is a parent's book, meant to be used as a teaching guide, perhaps read to the child one entry per day, though I think it would be more useful to focus on certain sections when approaching an event: "Gifts--Giving and Getting" when attending or hosting a party; "Vacation Time" before taking off somewhere. Practical activities are sprinkled throughout the text, such as helping your child read the movie page in the newspaper, or making a card to celebrate a friend's religious holiday. The tone is cordial but businesslike, with none of the false gaiety so common to books on children's manners. What's more, I found entries I haven't found in other books such as acknowledging another's presence when s/he enters the room; giving compliments; and positive use of humor. The writer runs her own company presenting manners instruction seminars to children, young adults, and businesspeople. Her instructions show empathy for all parties involved, for the "others" with whom the child will be associating, and for the child himself.
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