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Allies In Healing Hardcover – Aug 2 1991


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Harper; 1 edition (Aug. 2 1991)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060552999
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060552992
  • Product Dimensions: 20.8 x 14.2 x 3 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 476 g
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #964,267 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)


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First Sentence
In the last fifteen years, the sexual abuse of children has become an acknowledged social and political problem. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

3.9 out of 5 stars
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 20 2001
Format: Paperback
Having been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I'm sure that the author is well versed in how it feels to be abused. However it is clear from reading this book that the author has no idea of what it is like to be a partner of an abuse victim. The entire book basically says that the abuse survivor needs to be in therapy and that whatever the survivor needs the partner should give. This goes for decisions about sex (get used to no sex), work, and relationship issues. Basically the survivor is seen as too damaged to handle any stress and so all personal responsibility is absolved and the partner is expected to conceed all.
Does the author not see the hypocrisy? What made the abuse wrong in the first place was the lack of choice and consent in the act. If the survivor then grows up, remembers the abuse, and goes on to demand all power in the relationship due to their abuse (i.e., the survivor gets to make all decisions regarding when/where/how sex will happen) how is this not just like the original abuse? I know! Unlike the author I lived this scenario as a partner of a abuse survivor. My abused partner first started making demands in bed, and as she found this to be a powerful tool in ANY argument went on to claim the abuse as an issue in ANY argument we had. Suddenly the abuse became a reason not to give a massage, not to go camping, etc. Power corrupts, and given a trump card of unimaginable power that cannot be argued with I watched my girlfriend go on to use and abuse this power. This book mentions nothing about this and always assumes that the survivor is right in whatever they want.
I sympathize with survivors, I really do. I'm sorry it happened...., in my opinion. But bad things happen to lots of people. I cannot see how a complete lack of personal responsibility helps a survivor.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 24 1997
Format: Paperback
If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.

Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.

For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Carl R. Menger on Dec 1 1999
Format: Paperback
The chapter on sexual relations says in so many words,"you'll learn to live without". It advocates giving the survior a "healing vacation from sex", but never says that things get better. All the "case historys" are of people still celibate. Thanks but no thanks, in my time of darkest despair, could they hold out just a little ray of hope? If surviors can never have a sex life, tell me now.
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Format: Paperback
I am a survior who is also an ally in healing. This book is quite good in helping you to help others. It is written by one of the authors of Courage in Healing.
I recommend reading this book if you are trying to help someone who is a survivor
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Format: Paperback
I'm a sibling incest survivor, and this book really helped my husband understand what I went through. I'd highly recommend it to the partner of anyone who was sexually abused.
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Format: Paperback
As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.
The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled.
As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner.
I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves.
For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.
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