Armed & Deadly [Import]

There are movies where you find yourself trying to preserve your dignity or sanity by fast forwarding to escape the absurd plot, bad acting or ridiculous dialogue and then there are movies that are so so bad that skipping every ten minutes and then checking the storyline for a minute on the prayerful hope it was just a mistake and it's better than you thought. Well, it took less than five minutes into the movie to begin skipping and there was no relief.

The story is about some well-endowed female model type military intelligence officer who happens to be in Kuwait in the 90s and suddenly does a double pistol Western shoot out with a bunch of well armed bad people one of whom survives and decides to come after her many years later when she's a civilian photographer in Florida. Stupid improbable storyline really shallow acting from actors with mostly little/no experience except a few TV series/movies. A lot of limited dialogue with read the teleprompter pauses where you wait for the next edited canned response. Cheap production with a really badly fabricated Arab hut with abandoned car in front - very stereotyped. Cheap echoing audio with production budget not allowing for subtitles.

Not surprising that the five star reviewers could barely write one positive sentence. Even IMDB which rarely rates movies below a four gave this a 2.7.

The director should never be allowed to do another film again. And the writing was awful. The blonde actress was hot and might have had a chance in another film but the script was so stupid NO ONE could pull it off. The rest of cast was really bad and a few not so easy on the eyes - especially the therapist. Ouch. I did however find it entertaining. If this was sold as a dark comedy it would have been awesome. The writer, producer and director took themselves way too serious. I've seen worse films. If you turn it on mute it's actually pretty good. Very bad script and even worse directing is what the problem was here.

The film opens in Kuwait with all the acting, script, and historical accuracy of an Asylum film. Janis (Lisa Varga) is injured in Kuwait in 1994 and is sent home. She is haunted by her past which includes her images of her brother (Ken Stellingwerf) killing their parents. He is in prison in Sarasota, Florida, the same town where Janis decides to live. While in prison he sends her threatening letters and has a red SUV try to run her over. Janis just gets up and brushes it all off, like the Blues Brother did when Carrie Fischer destroyed their hotel with a bazooka, only it wasn't funny.

Janis is a free lance photographer who drives around in a Mercedes when she is not playing tennis. She has a friend who recommends a psychologist (Seva Anthony) which she visits. In the 10 years(?) Janis has been out she hasn't aged a day, gained a pound, or apparently had a boyfriend. The movie claims 10 years, but doing the math it is 17. Apparently the movie is supposed to take place in 2004 and we ignore the anachronisms. She is waiting for her brother to get out of prison and come after her. Toni Ann Rossi is getting her big break by playing Janis' friend Carol. Too bad Alan Cameron Roberts didn't write any decent lines for her. In fact the weakness of the film can be seen during the lengthy dialouge scenes which include awkward pauses and trite conversation. It was the worst of an Asylum film combined with a bad Hallmark production.

No swearing or nudity. Near silhouette sex scene.