Did you guys have fun? I think you did, but this reads more like "what I did this summer" written by and for middle-school kids. Your audience is adults! The timing was inconsistent too. Here's just one example: In the chapter "Stretch Time", it's late September 2009. There is no mention here of the World Series between the Phillies and the Yankees in October 2009, with Cliff Lee on the team. Three paragraphs later, it's the off season, and Cliff has been traded as part of the deal to acquire Roy Halladay. The brief mention of the World Series came in the last paragraph of the preceding chapter, which covered two (?) trips between July and September.