Astounding She Monster, the

"The Astounding She-Monster" is an astounding tale of a stripper in a skin tight Lycra outfit with Mr. Spock eyebrows and a deadly touch. The film also contains subplots about geology (Typical line of dialogue: "I just never realized that a geologist used so many kinds of acid in his work." In other words: yawn.), and kidnapping, which are used to ensure that all the action takes place on one set out of concern for the budget.

This movie has all the horrible black and white devices of convenience used: silly stock footage of animals, inappropriately used; very cheesy special effects (The She-Creatures spaceship is represented by a lit match. Really.); the depiction of her 'radium covering' by merely not focusing the camera; 'day for night' effects far worse than any ever used by Ed Wood (yes, even in "Plan 9"); and perhaps most annoyingly, narration provided by a voice who can't stylistically decide if he wants to sound more like Rod Serling or Criswell. Not to be confused with stock footage, they actually shot film of a bear. When the bear became unavailable for some shots they dressed costar Kenne Duncan in a bear suit to finish out the required footage. This is genius on the level of Ed Wood! I also particularly liked the music, which is of the 'all trumpet fanfare' variety, performed by the Stuttgart (Germany) Symphony Orchestra!

Forget the plot, it's a standard atomic cautionary tale from space done in thousands of other films, but be prepared to laugh at the incredibly inept package as it comes together in a 62 minute extravaganza of hilarity and non-scariness. I deducted a couple of points for the tedium of the wandering around in the woods scenes, which are interminable. Still, all told, it's a fun slice of yesteryear. The only special feature is the original trailer, though the DVD does have excellent liner notes by Tom Weaver, the noted sci-fi historian.

The Astounding She-Monster (1957) was just incredibly bad. Directed by Ronnie Ashcroft, Mr. Peek-a-Boo's Playmates (1962), this low budget Z-grade film ranks right up there (or down there) with Ed Wood Jr.'s Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) which isn't surprising as Ronnie was involved with Wood's Night of the Ghouls (1959) as an assistant director or something like that.

Anyway, the movie starts off with some footage of outer space, and some really terrible voiceover by someone who shouldn't be doing voiceovers. We see some remote planet, and witness a bright light leaving the planet, presumably heading for Earth. We then find ourselves watching some well to do female leaving her posh home, and get treated to some more inane voiceover, basically telling us this woman is about to run into trouble. And she does. As she is driving to some party, a car containing two men and a woman stops her. The two men get out, force the well to do woman out of her car and into their car at gunpoint, and then drive away.

Around this time, in a different location, the bright light we saw earlier comes to Earth, and lands in the woods, and a shimmery, blurry female figure appears in an ultra tight body suit. The shimmer, blurred effect is created by some technique that keeps the subject slightly out of focus. Ooooh...we also get to meet Dick Cutler, played by Robert Clarke, who is a geologist of sorts and lives in a cabin in the woods where he works doing geologist type things. You may remember Robert Clarke as the writer, director, and star of the equally awful movie, The Hideous Sun Demon (1959) or the Jerry Warren shlockfest Frankenstein Island (1981). Lord knows I do...

Anyway, the kidnappers, driving to some unknown location, run across the female alien, get into an accident, disabling their car, and take refuge in Dick Cutler's shack. I forgot to mention that this astounding she-monster can kill with just a touch, as later we find out she is imbued with radium. She demonstrates this most awesoma power on a rubber snake. Okay, so now the kidnappers and their hostage are holed up in Dick's rock shack with Dick in tow. There's a lot of really inept dialogue, and some pretty unintentionally funny scenes with the female kidnapper, who seems to have a problem with the drink.

Soon the group finds themselves fighting for their lives, as the astounding she-monster finds the cabin. There are a lot of scenes with the characters being chased out of the cabin, running around in the woods, returning to the cabin, and then being chased from the cabin again. This happens like four of five times. Some people get killed, and we do get to find out why this creature came to Earth. The reason, which I won't divulge here, was so inanely posed, but is a staple theme of science fiction that I've seen in much better films. I think the revelation is supposed to be shocking, but only elicited laughter from this viewer.

The movie has a short running time of about 62 minutes, which I was thankful for...if you enjoy really bad, cornball movies, this one will suit you fine. The acting, dialogue, directing, editing, writing...all bad...so very bad. There are many laughs to be had, if you are willing to endure the pain. The print used on this disc was pretty bad but watchable, showing many flaws, major and minor, but given the material, I doubt anyone is going to rush off to do any type of restoration on this film. Special features? A horrible looking trailer (much worse for wear than the film), and trailers for some other Wade Williams/Image releases like Robot Monster (1953) and Teenagers from Outer Space (1959). Also included on the inside flap of the box is some excellent and detailed liner notes on Ronnie Ashcroft and the history of this movie. I actually found this to be more interesting than the movie. If you are not a connoisseur of cinematic cheese, enjoy the shiny, colorful cover of the DVD case and move on, but if you enjoy bargain basement filmmaking on par with Ed Wood Jr., then I've got a movie for you.

Cookieman108