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Product Details
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We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."
In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
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Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars
Good introduction, but fails personal experience.,
This review is from: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love (Hardcover)
Good: The book has many useful life examples. Liked how The Dependency Paradox is introduced in the book and importance of the secure attachment between mother and infant is outlined.Bad: It looks like the authors don't use their own experience in the book, but use a lot of research material. It makes such a sensitive matter like relation between our primary caregiver and us to be scientifically dry. Codependency self-help theory is judged and interpreted incorrectly.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta) Amazon.com:
4.5 out of 5 stars (51 customer reviews) 83 of 85 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
A more scientific path to true love,
By Steve Burns - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love (Hardcover)
This is an excellent book for those dating and looking for love and those already in a relationship that is not working and they wonder why not. The authors do a great job explaining attachment theory not only from a scientific perspective but also from a real world perspective with examples.People basically have one of three attachment styles: Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. The book is about the frustration people feel in relationships when these types cross. The more an anxious person wants to be close to an avoidant person the more the avoidant withdraws fearful of losing their independence. Most anxious people function fine in all other areas of life then discover they are very anxious in relationships to their dismay. Anxious types many times confuse the feelings of being anxious with excitement toward a potential partner that is avoidant and miss out on secure people that they feel are boring. Secure people tend to soothe and help anxious types, while avoidants trigger anxious people and lead to hopeless pursuits and wasted time. Two avoidants can rarely be together in a relationship because no one holds it together they just drift apart. Through open and honest communication in relationships you should be able to identify if a possible partner is some one who can meet your needs. The book teaches that you always benefit from honest communication because it moves you toward your goal of the right relationship regardless of the outcome. Do not get stuck in a dead end relationship, get out if your needs are not met. "It's a simple law of probability-the more you meet, the greater chances you'll find the one who is a good match for you. "In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the other's emotional well-being." Never forget that. This book is the result of two decades of research, the principles presented can help you to find happiness in your romantic connections and to soar in all aspects of your life. Excellent book, I highly recommend for those who want happy relationships. 33 of 35 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must-read!,
By T. Grand - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love (Hardcover)
Wow. This book is such an eye-opener! I just bought it yesterday and have almost done reading it. I've read lots of relationship books and most of them are a combination of psycho-babble and personal opinion. This book is completely different. It's grounded on soundly-based scientific findings and the authors are constantly interlacing their conclusions and advice with experiments and research studies. They also bring a lot of real life examples that are very easy to relate to (a couple of examples are a bit repetitive, but they get the point across really well). The authors walk readers through understanding themselves and their "attachment style" and understanding their partner's "attachment style" -- which drives them, what their basic beliefs are and why they act like they do with you. This book has really shifted the way I think about my relationships and I'm going to use a lot of the tools here to make better decisions going forward. I also loved the part about how when your needs are met, you actually become less needy and more likely to excel in different areas of life. It's just when your needs aren't met that you act clingy. If you want to learn more about what is really going on in your relationship, this book is a must!
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
Answered and raised many questions,
By mnsesq - Published on Amazon.com
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This review is from: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love (Hardcover)
I felt like I was given the language via this book to pull together and understand what I have experienced my whole life and what perplexed me my whole life. It's like when you are struggling to understand the math equation and then the instant comes when you get it. That was this book, for me.But I'm frustrated with something. "Attached" says that I, an anxious attachment style person, am more likely to choose a partner who is an avoidant style, that when I do my attachment needs will never be fully satisfied even if both partners are willing to change to some degree as recommended in the book. "Attached" recommends I choose a secure attachment style partner to be happy. It also says that my attachment system will be activated by an avoidant, say on a first date, causing me to be drawn to him, and not activated by a secure person, who will bore me. The recommendation is to not get turned on by the avoidant attachment style person. After all the outstanding explanations and recommendations in the book, I feel it really falls short with that pithy recommendation to just not get turned on by the avoidant! Any anxious person will tell you that's near impossible! Where's the steps for the anxious person to bypass the immediate and biologically based attachment to the avoidant?! Secures probably have the ability to make a choice in their selection of a partner to a greater degree. If I do as recommended in accepting my attachement style, am I to accept that I'm doomed to be sucked in to a series if unsatisfying relationships with avoidant people? "Attached" does have a helpful section on evaluating anxious/avoidant relationships and improving them and even on getting out of them. The shortfall is in how to make a different choice at those critical moments before getting into the relationship. "Just say no" never really worked. When the first revision comes out, I hope it includes another chapter. |
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