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- Published on Amazon.com
Banshee!!! (Colin Theys, 2008)
I propose a new rule of thumb, which should be obvious (it is in print media), but that I don't think anyone has ever codified: if a movie's title contains more than one exclamation point, that movie is bound to suck. (Really, how many movies containing a single exclamation point in their titles are worth watching? Think about it. Them!, maybe, or Beware! The Blob if you love bad horror as much as I do, but other than that...) Case in point, the triple-exclamation-ed Banshee!!!, a basement-budget CGI-enabled creature feature from first-time feature director Colin Theys. His background is in comedy, Which makes sense, because this movie is laughable.
Plot: a bunch of kids, the woods, you know the drill. This round of monster buffet consists of Veronica (Confessions of a Shopaholic's Ashley Bates), Lake (Hell's Gate's Troy Walcott, and see what the screenwriters did with the names there? Huh? Huh?), Kerry (Predator Island's Iris McQuillan-Grace), Jen (The Life Before Her Eyes' Cristina Santiago), Chad (Pickman's Model's Jesse Murphy) and Lauren (Jade Anderson in her first film role), Thomas (John Doolan, also in his debut), and a few other guys whose names haven't been mentioned by the time we get to where everything explodes. In any case, they're all out in the woods for spring break, a supernatural monster (see title of film) possesses one of them, others die, the survivors hook up with some locals who also know about the creature, heroic standoff, blah blah blah.
Nothing here you haven't seen before, and done better, a thousand times in movies just like this one. Worth noting are a couple of rather attractive women in major roles, including a town cop who gets involved in the whole mess (Kerry McGann), but no surprise, they kill off the most attractive member of the cast way too early. (This isn't a spoiler; if you watch the movie, you'll get that my definition of "beauty" doesn't quite fit with Hollywood's; as far as I'm concerned, the mousy sidekick is always hotter than the skinny blonde. I love you, Aida Turturro!) This, however, is one of those movies you actually want to watch on basic cable, because you will enjoy the commercials more than you will the movie. ½