Anyone that watches a SyFy Channel original movie on occasion knows that they rarely offer real chills. That doesn't mean that some of the films don't have a demented sort of charm. Grade A cheese, the best of the bunch tend to be hysterically unapologetic creature feature schlock. And who doesn't love bad B-movie mayhem? I certainly do and there aren't enough genetically mutated monsters to satisfy my cravings. However, sometimes there are movies that fail to accomplish even "dumb fun" and these can be painfully uninteresting. Unfortunately "Behemoth" falls into this category. "Behemoth" features a couple of sci-fi veterans that I have enjoyed in other programming, and they were the primary draw for me. Ed Quinn, late of "Eureka," plays the stalwart hero and William B. Davis, "The X-Files" terrific cigarette smoking man, is on hand as his nutty but wise father. Neither fares particularly well here--but with this material, I can't really hold it against them!
"Behemoth" has something to do with an enormous underground creature. Before you get too excited, though, you don't see too much of it--and when the big reveal comes, it is surprisingly underwhelming. Easily ninety percent of the menace and danger in "Behemoth" is provided by the ground shaking. That camera is rattled around so often, you'd think it would have knocked something loose. So if you love tremors and special effect rocks falling, this one's for you. Davis provides some mythological mumbo jumbo, there are geological ramblings, and some sort of government response is explained--but none of it makes much difference. It all boils down to killing the creature. The monster is represented most of the time by disembodied rubber octopus legs slapping around. The single most inspired moment, however, involves a marriage proposal and a big eyeball! Eventually, it is revealed that the beastie has a crusty baby bird head with a snapping staple remover jaw. Please, give me more scary shaking!
Quinn, who was so appealing on "Eureka," is the master of understatement. Stoic and humorless, Quinn utters such proclamations as "He's dead!" or "He's barely breathing!" with the same emotional intensity he'd employ when asking someone to pass the butter. That's the undeniable problem with "Behemoth," in my opinion. It is so patently ridiculous and cheap looking--but way too earnest for its own good. I just wanted to have some fun--any fun--even if the film wasn't traditionally "good." For me, "Behemoth" was a resounding misfire from the SyFy team who are almost always good for a giggle. KGHarris, 1/11.