Bending Toward The Sun: A Mother and Daughter Memoir [Paperback]

Bending Toward the Sun is a heart-wrenching, emotional memoir. Leslie Gilbert-Lurie with the help of her mother, Rita Lurie, shares their story of surviving through hell and back.

When Rita was just five years old, her family as well as their friends received orders from the Gestapo to report to the train station, as they were to be deported from their home town of Urzejowice in Poland. Rita, her family and their relatives vanished through the night. They left behind their home and possessions to seek safety from the Germans. Rita's family comes upon a good friend. His name is Stashik Grajolski. For two years Rita and about eleven other family members lived in Mr. and Mrs. Grajolski's attic. They eventually were able to make their way out of Poland and set foot on American soil.

Bending Toward the Sun tells this amazing story of courage, sadness, and family. I like how this book was broken out into three sections. The first section tells the story of Rita Lurie and her incredible journey. The next two sections are about Leslie and her daughter Mikaela with Rita. They remember their time together from the past to the present. I thought this was a lovely story. I got to know Rita and found her to be a nice woman. This was one memoir I was happy to read. It reminded me of The Diary of Anne Frank and The Hiding Place. Two really good non fiction novels. One thing though is that at the beginning as I was just getting to know Rita, I found all the people she came upon hard to keep straight. Other than this factor, I did like this book.

What I Can Tell You: This is a must read! I would have loved reading this book with a friend or book group.

The story of Ruchel/Rita is quite amazing and gut wrenching. As her daughter states in the Prologue, Rita's story is very similar to Anne Frank's. Both spent two years hiding during the Holocust and hid with the help of others who would have been killed had they been found. However, Rita is here to tell about her story and pass on this legacy to her children and the generations after.

Besides it being a captivating book it is thought provoking and made me think of my own legacy and past and what I may be unconsciously handing down to my own children. Because, as Leslie mentions, our mother's past or families past, effects and shapes who we are as people.

Rita is lucky to have survived such an ordeal that changed history and is still affecting individuals.

Leslie, Rita and even Granddaughter Mikaela who has a big voice in this book are very brave to have started the journey of documenting the life and times of Ruchel/Rita. What a gripping story that will sit with me for quite some time.

I implore you to check out the book video here.

If you decide to read this book, know that you will learn a lot about yourself and your own relationship with your mother.

What makes this book even more special is the amount of photos peppered throughout the story. Seeing the smiles and knowing the two years they endured hiding is at times unbearable.

My heart breaks for the little Ruchel who just wanted to be held and told everything was going to be OK. I cannot imagine what it was like to lose her mother the way she did. Losing my own at 12 years old to Cancer was horrific. Losing her mother right after the traumatic death of her baby brother must have been excruciating.

Reading how Leslie's life was altered by her mother's and how ultimately Mikaela's is being affected by the trauma of her families past makes me think about my own life and how my past is affecting my children in positive and negative ways and how it will trickle down into their own adult lives.

Leslie and Rita's love shines through this haunting memoir.

This book has essentially three parts plus one smaller one. The first part is told in Rita's voice. She tells of her childhood in Poland, a country that was largely populated by Jews. Her village was virtually unaffected by the Nazi invasion for the first couple of years. When the S.S. army arrived in approximately 1942, everything changed. As a very young child she and her family stay in an attic for two years. As previously mentioned, Rita witnesses the death of her brother and mother. She is deeply affected by these deaths.

In 1944, when the Russians first conquered Poland, the families emerged from the attic and went from one Displaced Persons camp to another. Isaac, her father, remarries and they immigrate to the U.S. The second section of the book (according to me) is Rita's growing up years. The family lived in New York then moved to Chicago where she eventually met Frank, her husband. They begin their family life in southern California where they add two daughters and a son to the mix. Their children grow and Leslie, the main author comes of age.

Section 3 is Leslie's voice. She describes her mother's behavior and her own reaction to her mother. Both women are stunningly honest. A major theme throughout the book is that Rita never had a childhood and was never nurtured. It seemed that she sought nurturing from inappropriate sources, especially her oldest daughter.

*Psychological commentary: (I mean, really, you expected it, didn't you?) Given that Rita's most traumatic experiences occurred when she was between the ages of 5 and 8, every so often her interactions with others seem childish and disproportionately immature. It makes sense, however, that when Rita was feeling stress in her interpersonal relationships, that she would revert to the child who still longed to be nurtured. The scared, lonely little girl in the attic. Carry on.

It is clear that Rita is a survivor yet she does not have her own identity. She is vicariously living through her children. Leslie discovers the term "enmeshed" in her adulthood. Honestly, there were many times during this part of the book that I couldn't remember which was the parent and which was the child. Leslie finds that her childhood habit of collecting accomplishments carry over into adulthood. She is the overachiever who seems afraid to have any down time.

Meanwhile, Leslie is suffering from generalized anxiety. Sorry about that. I forgot to warn you that I had another psychological commentary. Leslie also takes a trip to Poland where she is background for a cousin's documentary. There she meets the woman who kept the secret of the Jews in her attic, walked through her mother's old house, and became more keenly aware of what her mother experienced. She also discovers that children of the Holocaust survivors tend to be the hyper-achievers. They also tend to carry the grief of their parents on their own shoulders and feel responsible for their parents' happiness.

Leslie eventually marries and has children. It is only when her own daughter suffers from extreme separation anxiety that Leslie sees the connection. Leslie tracks down all of her mother's living relatives who offer new insights regarding her grandmother who died and the uncle preceded her. She also tracks down her mother's stepmother who paints a significantly different picture of their relationship.

This is a stunning undertaking. I found the honesty in which the book is written to be painful and genuine. It is also striking to see the contrast between the perception of a child and the perception of those who were there and remembered things differently. Perception is reality.

The fourth little section is written by Leslie's daughter who is processing the burden she had cast about her shoulders without her knowledge. It is also discovered, at this time, that Leslie is still gathering her accomplishments by being on important committees. When she realizes what she is doing, she gives up her shield and concentrates on being a mother.

Leslie is able to convey facts and feelings without judgment. She shares herself openly for the reader, as does her mother, and she assigns her own meaning when crucial to the experience. Much of the time, however, Leslie is objective and open to interpretation.

An amazing journey.

4 and half stars.
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