Bitch Slap (Unrated)

If Michael Bay hadn't directed overblown big-budgeted special effects and testosterone-oriented flicks, he might have ended up directing Bitch Slap... things being what they turned out to be, Bay chose to wreck Transformers and Rick Jacobson directed this one instead.

First off, you have to know what you watch... if you rent or buy this and expect it to be an all-out porn, you're out of luck... the same can be said if you wish it to be the next Tarantino bit. Now that we've talked about what it isn't, let's talk about what it is: many action scenes, ladies going on ladies, lots of cleavage, slow motion on girls getting out of cars, three awesome-looking actresses, cameos from Lucy Lawless, Kevin Sorbo, Renée O'Connor and Michael Herz, and lots more.

If you're looking for a movie where you just need to shut your brain off and let these beautiful ladies lead the way and blow stuff up, you know the drill: pop it in your DVD or blu-ray player and you're off for a good time. Direction is exagerated, the actresses overact, special effects are a bit flimsy, but the overall result is quite good when you think of the budget they had and all the help they got. Most of the backgrounds have been made using CGI and that is quite obvious, but such production value wouldn't have been accessible to them with the few money they had... nevertheless, this shouldn't get in the way of enjoying this "sexploitation" movie.

Looking at the special features, it's quite excellent and fun. The making off lasts for 100 minutes and is filled with lots of behind the scenes and how they did this or that scene. You will also find 2 commentaries, deleted scenes, a "Bitch Slap 101", promos, conversation with Mother Superior and Kinki's guide to sexual harassment in the workplace... in short, you'll see how much fun low-budget movies can be.

The movie is nothing more than the usual exploitation recipe, but it works in terms of being an unofficial bastard child of Grindhouse, Machete, Hobo with a Shotgun, etc. So if you enjoy the above-mentionned ingredients, you'll have a great time.

While admittedly Bitch Slap is not a project all viewers will enjoy, those of us tuned in to its uniquely derivative charms cannot help but admire it as the ultimate tribute to the twin glories of genre cinema and hot ladies in tight, tight clothing. Those who would dismiss it as "unoriginal" are like those who complain about the use of sampling in hip-hop and electronic music--chronically unable to appreciate how changing the context of the familiar allows us to enjoy it in a way we never did before.

By "sampling" sources as varied as Memento, Kill Bill, Sin City, The Usual Suspects, Kiss Me Deadly, Pulp Fiction and Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (to name just the most obvious among dozens), Bitch Slap celebrates their greatness while also combining to become its own special animal. In short it is a movie made by people who love movies for people who love movies.

Yes, those who come to it expecting rampant nudity will come away frustrated, but the kind of material they're looking for can be found within seconds with even the most innocent of Google searches, so their complaints strike me as rather empty. The tasteful lack of nipples is more than made up by the film's three leading ladies, who strike the perfect balance between deliberate camp and sincere emotional verisimilitude, which makes their undeniable smoking hotness mere icing on the cake.

As you can gather, I genuinely love this movie. So much so that I broke my habit of not contributing reviews to this site just because I could not allow its one other current review to stand alone. I acknowledge that mine is probably the minority view, but then pleasing the minority is what being a "cult" film is all about.

Bitch Slap isn't what anyone would call great cinema. Its plot is ridiculous, the characters are completely over-the-top and one-dimensional, and the CG is terrible.

The thing is though, that's what makes it so entertaining.

This is a movie that doesn't try to be anything more than a 70s exploitation flick with a 21st-Century makeover, and if you go into it expecting that, you'll have a ton of fun with it. The main ladies are all very well-suited to their characters and very attractive, and they definitely get just the right level of campiness across with their dialogue. The real star of the show though is Zoe Bell's stunt choreography, which, when accompanied by the predominantly heavy metal soundtrack, gives the fight scenes a surprising amount of oomph, and makes them exceptionally entertaining. Oh, and the cameos from Kevin Sorbo and Lucy Lawless don't hurt it either.

Basically, if you're looking for something that's going to change the way you look at cinema, go elsewhere. But if you're up for a movie with tons of fighting, cleavage, swearing, and campiness, then you could do a hell of a lot worse than Bitch Slap.