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The secret behind France's astonishingly well-behaved children.
When American journalist Pamela Druckerman has a baby in Paris, she doesn't aspire to become a "French parent." French parenting isn't a known thing, like French fashion or French cheese. Even French parents themselves insist they aren't doing anything special.
Yet, the French children Druckerman knows sleep through the night at two or three months old while those of her American friends take a year or more. French kids eat well-rounded meals that are more likely to include braised leeks than chicken nuggets. And while her American friends spend their visits resolving spats between their kids, her French friends sip coffee while the kids play.
Motherhood itself is a whole different experience in France. There's no role model, as there is in America, for the harried new mom with no life of her own. French mothers assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children and that there's no need to feel guilty about this. They have an easy, calm authority with their kids that Druckerman can only envy.
Of course, French parenting wouldn't be worth talking about if it produced robotic, joyless children. In fact, French kids are just as boisterous, curious, and creative as Americans. They're just far better behaved and more in command of themselves. While some American toddlers are getting Mandarin tutors and preliteracy training, French kids are- by design-toddling around and discovering the world at their own pace.
With a notebook stashed in her diaper bag, Druckerman-a former reporter for The Wall Street Journal-sets out to learn the secrets to raising a society of good little sleepers, gourmet eaters, and reasonably relaxed parents. She discovers that French parents are extremely strict about some things and strikingly permissive about others. And she realizes that to be a different kind of parent, you don't just need a different parenting philosophy. You need a very different view of what a child actually is.
While finding her own firm non, Druckerman discovers that children-including her own-are capable of feats she'd never imagined.
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Most helpful customer reviews
17 of 19 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting, but not revolutionary,
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This review is from: Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (Hardcover)
This book is about comparing French to American parenting, but Canadians are similar enough to the latter for it to still work for us. The book is more of a biography than it is a serious or scientific exploration of cross-cultural parenting. Druckerman does introduce evidence here and there, but for the most part it's all anecdotes about how the French parent, and why it's superior to American parenting. As another reviewer wrote, it's like she was wearing beer goggles for French parenting as virtually everything she describes is new and amazing- to her.Because much of what the French do is ambivalent, familiar, or undesirable. For example, not getting involved with their children on the playground. Yes, it's nice to talk to other parents, and most Canadian parents do, but it's also fun to get involved with your kids and play. Soon enough they won't want to be anywhere near you, so I figure it's good to get the in fun while you can. I can understand wanting and taking a break, but I don't understand never getting involved either. Familiar in that parents should impose limits, like introducing vegetables and fruits first in snacks or meals so children face them when they are most hungry. Or that schedules can help children run more smoothly. That's all pretty familiar, and certainly not uniquely French. Some of it may be undesirable as in training children to sleep alone by 10 weeks (what if you like co-sleeping? and it sounds a lot like Ferberizing) or stopping breast feeding by 10 weeks. While I appreciate it's not for everyone, I think the medical science is unanimous that breastfeeding longer than that is advisable if you can do it. There are some good things to learn, such as teaching children to be more restrained and polite, particularly in public. Particularly in restaurants. The French also have generous parental leave (and holidays) compared to the US, which is certainly a good option to have. The advice of keeping calm while pregnant and not working too hard follows the same line of logic. Allowing time for mothers and fathers to calmer and less busy can only be good for society, and is something that the French could teach Americans (Canadians have more generous leave than Americans, so maybe we're already learning that). I also find it interesting to read about how other parents, in any culture, respond to the nearly infinitely variable challenges and joys of parenting. Druckerman is pleasantly frank and funny when talking about her own challenges. So overall, this is an interesting book. But it certainly isn't a comprehensive review of French parenting- it's a review of the author's upper-middle class circle of French friends who are parents. Nor is it a comprehensive or data-driven examination of American parenting. There are some good tips in it, but many of them will likely be familiar to most Canadian parents. So overall, this book's real value lies in the handful of new tips or ideas as well as in the story of a mother who struggles to figure out what kind of parenting is best for her child. Given that 95% of parents probably do the same thing, the moral support of knowing you're not the only one second-guessing yourself at times is worth it. Add in fun and funny writing, and that makes this a worthy purchase. Not the new gold-standard scientific bible of parenting techniques, but a good opportunity to think and laugh about being a parent and parenting itself.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
More Bookish Thoughts...,
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This review is from: Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (Hardcover)
In "Bringing Up Bébé," journalist Pamela Druckerman embraces the "French do it better" genre. She describes how educated professionals living in Paris handle pregnancy, childbirth and early childhood and compares the methods to North American ones. The book does not take the process beyond the early years, though doing so might have allowed us to draw conclusions about whether French parenting makes children turn out better when they're older.Facts reported in Druckerman's book sometimes get in her way but she ultimately delivers an entertaining, enlightening and excellent read. Exploring everything from breastfeeding to park behaviour to spanking to sleeping habits to division of labour between the sexes, the book highlights what North Americans can learn from the French and offers some useful parenting advice. But do the French really do it better? Giving birth and raising children is messy and confusing in any society. It's perpetual trial and error ' whether in France or elsewhere. Nowhere does a baby come with a user's manual.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Funny and very interesting,
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This review is from: Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (Hardcover)
This book is really funny but still very interesting, showing another perspective on how educate children. Full of tips that are worth trying.
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