Children of the Corn

I'll spare you some wasted time... seriously. Yeah, this movie is that bad. I'd rather be bludgeoned unconscious with dried ears of corn than watch this film again. (I live in Iowa, so this is an option!) I had a few unintentional laughs, especially during the child killing spree the main protagonist went on during his escape attempt. This film definitely has the highest body count of children killed in any horror film I've seen. Between that and the "sex scene" in the film, I'm still shivering. But anyway... I digress.

"Children of the Corn," in case you actually are living in a cornfield, is a remake of a prior film of the same name, both of which are based on a Steven King story. (I can still remember one of the creepy lines from the original film, although I haven't seen it in years: "He wants you too, Malachi. He wants you, too.") The plot is quite interesting for a horror film: it's set in a small Nebraska town and revolves around a religious cult composed of children that worship a being that lives in the corn fields. A husband and wife encounter the kids, and the events that follow make up the rest of the story. I'll not go into it in more detail, as other reviews have done it in already.

Unlike a lot of people, I don't mind so much that Hollywood is hell-bent on making endless remakes, but I wish they would at least make a better remake. This film is in no way better than its predecessor. The acting is atrocious - not that they were given very good dialogue. The lines were forced, and the actors are stiff and unbelievable. The special effects are laughable and, if you can believe it, worse than the 1984 film. So much for progress. I think that I read that the SyFy (formerly known as Sci-fi) channel backed the making of this film or something to that effect. I've gotten to the point where if I see Sci-fi channel on a DVD, I run.... I turn around and flee for my life. This movie should have been no different, but I only found this out post-viewing. If the idea of this film is interesting to you, by all means, go watch the original film. It's far superior. You've been warned! :)

Children of the Corn (2009): 1 out of 10: Good lord did they screw this movie up. First, the writer (George Goldsmith) who adapted the original Children of the Corn is some sort of savant. Apparently all the good scenes in the original movie (The killing of the adults, Isaac and Malachi going at it in the climax, were his invention.) This movie cut all that good stuff out and replaced it with the Viet Cong and public child sex.

The blame rests squarely on Mr. Stephen King's shoulders. He did not like the changes the 1984 and wanted to stick to his original story. Therefore, the movie takes place in the mid-seventies and the main couple is a divorcing, squabbling mess. In addition, the main character hallucinates Viet Cong shooting in the corn which looks ten times worse than it sounds. Oh they have a sex scene in a church 'The time for fertilization has come!' where two teens have sex while nine year olds look on masturbating corn cobs.... good lord I didn't need to see that.

The casting is horrible. If I never see Kandyse McClure again (in the Linda Hamilton role) it will be to soon. She ruins the first half of an already horrible film. Daniel Newman as Malachi and Preston Bailey as Isaac ruin the second half. Daniel looks like he is reading off cue cards while Preston is about as threatening as a kitten.

Oh and if that all was not a big enough F You to the audience, the monster never shows up at the end.

It isn't like the original Children of the Corn was Casablanca or something but good lord this is an embarrassment for all involved.

I agree with the other reviewer when he said that this movie leaves you wanting more (maybe for the wrong reasons), but it follows the Stephen King's original short story not the 1984 film, so you shouldn't go in expecting it to recreate every detail of the original. My only real issue with this reboot/"re-imagining" is that Preston Bailey who plays Isaac is terrible. It seemed as if he was handed his lines immediately before scenes were shot and was scrambling to get all of the words out before he forgot what he was supposed to say. Also, his delivery was just awful... he always used the same tone and never seemed to put emphasis on any of his words. John Franklin's performance as Isaac in the original was powerful and commanding, it was easy to see why even the older children would follow/fear him... here it's laughable when Malachi (Daniel Newman) takes orders from Isaac. Negatives aside, all of the other cast members played their parts well (Daniel Newman gave the best performance imo) and the blood/gore seemed to be of a higher quality than what's typical of a SciFi (SyFy) Original. Children of the Corn was actually a decent flick, worth watching at least once... don't go in expecting much, but don't let the "SyFy Original" tag completely scare you off either.