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Product Description
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"Children of narcissistic parents are provided techniques to dig themselves out of impossible relationships with their parents...a thoroughly well thought out, useful manual to help adult children move toward more productive connection to their narcissistic parents, to themselves, and to others."
--Joan Medway, Ph.D., LCSW, psychologist in private practice in Potomac, MD
Book Description
<p>Being a parent is usually all about giving of yourself to foster your child's growth and development. But what happens when this isn't the case? Some parents dismiss the needs of their children, asserting their own instead, demanding attention and reassurance from even very young children. This may especially be the case when a parent has narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. From the author of Working with the Self-Absorbed and Loving the Self-Absorbed, this major revision of a self-help classic offers a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and building a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic parent.</P><BR><P> <B>Children of the Self-Absorbed</B> offers clear definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help you identify the extent of your parent's problem. You'll learn the different types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on relationships. With the aid of proven techniques, you'll discover that you're not helpless against your parent's behavior and that you needn't consider giving up on the relationship. Instead, realistic strategies and steps are suggested for learning to set mutually agreed upon behaviors that can help you fulfill your needs and expectations.</p>
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Most helpful customer reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Worth a read,
By Mark Twain, Sam (Here) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents (Paperback)
Given the talent that narcissists have for making you feel that (1) it's all your fault or (2) it's your imagination, this is a very nice read that will make you feel that you aren't crazy. It also will help you realize that your needs are legitimate.The book fleshes out the dimensions of a narcissistic personality, not in a coldly clinical way but in a matter-of-fact way that uses ordinary language. As for the typos that another reviewer commented on, I didn't notice them. I'm a journalist, and I thought the author succeeded in using concise and easily understood words. She also succeeded in giving some very useful tips for dealing with a narcissist. Most of us have been taught that it's best to be truthful, to say so if we've been hurt by someone else; we've learned that this is the healthy and responsible way to behave. Not so, if you're around a narcissist, as this book will explain; it's better if you DON'T let on that the narcissist has affected you, because you'll likely be criticized for being too sensitive. If you KNOW a narcissist, you ALREADY know that it's best not to let your feelings show, and you already know that the standard advice that well-meaning friends might give, won't work. This book will give you some advice that DOES work, and it will also validate your perceptions of what it's like to be around a narcissist. At 180 pages, this book is not the be-all and end-all, but it's quite helpful, and I wouldn't miss it. If your parent is a narcissist, you might also benefit by looking at the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells," a book that deals with those who have borderline personality disorder. Not all narcissists have the disorder, but a good number do, and it's worth checking out if you're in a relationship that's "all about them," and where you are discounted. Particularly check out this additional title if the narcissist in your life is emotionally volatile, given to rages and emotional abuse, and has their own view of reality that doesn't match how you recall things. Both titles will help you treat the narcissist in your life as decently as possible, while also helping you preserve your own mental health, too.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Worthwhile Resource,
By
This review is from: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents (Paperback)
As a therapist, this is a book I would recommend to appropriate clients. Of particular help, Dr. Brown confirms that the narcissist is not likely to change because they are incapable of seeing anything is wrong with their behavior. Therefore, it is not the child's responsibility to help the parent change; the child has to focus on what they can control, i.e. themselves. Among the helpful strategies, I also appreciated her candid descriptions of anticipated responses by parents and how to handle them. While there are a few typos and it is not the best edited text, these concerns reflect the editor, and not Dr. Brown's content. There are relatively few resources on this subject and this is one of the better ones.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
Uncanny insights, helpful suggestions, not great literature,
By A Customer
This review is from: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents (Paperback)
I found the author's descriptions of narcissistic parents and their affects on adult children to be concise, insightful and helpful. The author begins by describing the narcissist parent and the adult child's responses to him / her. The behaviors included were wide ranging and the moments of recognition frequent. As the child of an artful narcissist, I felt like Brown understood my position and tied together behaviors that I had not previously seen as stemming from my own parent's narcissism. Brown goes on to offer sympathy for the plight of adult children of narcissists, but establishes a strong position that the parent will not change. The message to children of narcissists is to move on, but not without tools for dealing with the narcissist and the ability to care for oneself. Brown offers practical advice on how to lessen the impact of the narcissist's volleys, which are helpful without being trite. (I've even experimented with some of the suggestions that Brown makes, e.g. flatter the narcissist, agree with his / her criticisms, and these are enormously empowering because they allow the person targetted by the narcissist to gain a sense of logic and clarity in the interaction.) The one weakness of the book is the writer's style, which is sometimes sloppy. All in all, that was a small price to pay for a book that contains wonderful insights and genuinely helpful suggestions.
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