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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself [Paperback]

Melody Beattie
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (99 customer reviews)
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Book Description

Sept. 1 1986
Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent-and you may find yourself in this book-Codependent No More.

The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.

With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency-charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.

Melody Beattie is the author of Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, The Codependent No More Workbook and Playing It by Heart.


Frequently Bought Together

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself + Codependent No More Workbook + The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series
Price For All Three: CDN$ 40.75


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Product Description

About the Author

Beattie was a struggling single parent of two children and freelance author and journalist cranking out stories for a small-town daily newspaper in 1986 when she came up with a book idea. She wanted to write a book about what happens to people when they love someone who is addicted to alcohol and other drugs."There were many books out there about how to help an addict or alcoholic. Nobody was talking about how an addict impacts the lives of the people around him or her, and how crazy you can become when you love someone who is addicted," Beattie said. "Even though I was sober, I didn't know how crazy I could get until it happened to me." Twenty publishers turned down Beattie's book proposal. "It's a good idea, but we don't think there's that many codependents out there," they wrote back.Hazelden, however, a treatment center and recovery publisher based in Minnesota, saw a need for the book. The publisher understood how families of alcoholics suffer and believed Beattie's book idea would help people. Beattie marched to the welfare department, asked for enough financial help to make it through the three months it would take her to write the book, then locked herself in a basement office and cranked out Codependent No More. Codependent No More has now sold 3.5 million copies. Beattie has since written nine more books, five for major publishing houses on the east and west coasts. She relocated from Minnesota to California, and she has long-since paid back the welfare department. Beattie has appeared in the pages of Newsweek and People and has been a regular guest on Geraldo and Oprah. Playing It By Heart is Beattie's first original book for Hazelden since 1990; the book is a return to her recovery roots that first brought her national recognition.

From AudioFile

For twenty years Melody Beattie has been writing lucidly about codependency--the pattern of trying to control or change someone who repeatedly makes trouble for themselves and others, and who usually is manipulating and controlling others as well. The problem is often part of an addictive or depressive syndrome or both (which the author understands well from her own experience); the solution she offers is to work extra hard at clarifying each person's boundaries, keeping everyone's responsibilities separated, and becoming obsessive about looking after one's own interests in the face of demands to do otherwise. Christina Moore's elegant diction stirs in a measure of attention-getting gravitas to this weighty mixture of classic relationship advice. T.W. © AudioFile 2006, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

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My first encounter with codependents occurred in the early sixties. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
24 of 24 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
So far as I can tell, very few people could ever read this book without taking something positive away from it. And you don't have to be the product of a broken home, child abuse, neglect, or other serious trauma to see how the machinery of codependency tweaks your life; always for the worse.
Having read other peoples' reviews, I'm not sure where some of the negative "cult" comments come from. But I do know that I am halfway through this book and I am very impressed. I'm not from an abusive, alcoholic, or otherwise chemically shattered family. I have good parents and I had a good childhood. Just the same, even good parents and a good childhood are no guarantee against developing unhealthy relationship habits, as well as damaging internal emotional processes.
If you're like me, you shy away from "self help" literature because it all seems way too touchy-feely. I don't see myself as a victim, and I refuse to adopt the victim mentality. But nobody gives parents a rule book on setting healthy emotional boundaries with their kids, and kids that grow up in a home without healthy emotional boundaries become adults without healthy emotional boundaries. This can really get you into trouble when you start trying to form a family of your own, and is the reason why I sought out this book with urgency.
Does it seem like your hapiness is too connected to how other people live their lives? Do you get really upset and depressed because those whom you love engage in behavior you see as risky or damaging? Feel powerless to stop your loved one from using or abusing mind altering substances? Tired of always feeling like "the bad guy" when you're just trying to get your partner to "be good"?
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Definitely Worth a Read May 16 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I first came across this book as a recommendation (from a psychologist, no less) as to how to deal with an abusive relationship I was involved in. Like some of the other reviewers, it was painful at first to see myself described in the book. But it helped me to understand why I was attracted to addictive personalities, what attracted them to me, and how to eventually break the cycle. I certainly won't say that all of your problems will be solved with this book, but it is a step in the right direction. It certainly worked for me.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Read it, it will definitely help you! Jan. 29 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
For many years, I was in a completely codependent relationship and did not know how to break out of it. Then I figure a way out on my own. At least I thought I did... but what happened was that I just changed the people around me and the relationships were essentially the same. After reading this great book, I finally stopped blaming other people for my relatioship problems and began looking into myself. It was then that my life really began to make a positive change. I then read another excellent book called, "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato and I began seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It provided me the motivation to move on from my codependent relationships. It is a tough thing to deal with your own issues inside but it is the only way out and the only way to real happiness. Are you ready to do some real work and step out of your own misery? If your answer is yes, I recommend these books to you.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth every penny Oct. 5 2003
Format:Paperback
If you have codependency issues, this is the bible for codependency issues. Start reading and start caring for yourself and stop letting others manipulate you. Learn to let go.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
CODEPENDENT NO MORE is the best self help book I have ever read. It gives a clear insight on how to deal with all types of feelings such as fear, despair, depression, and anger. First the book reveals how to process these feelings rather than deny them and then how to move on to feelings like love, joy, fulfillment, and just feeling okay about yourself in general by giving your life a new spiritual meaning. This book also promotes a healthy relationship with yourself and others by teaching the reader how to take care of himself/herself and create happiness rather than attempting to achieve martyrdom by resenting and controlling others which ultimately manifests into depression and anger. In her private life, the author has moved from an alcoholic and drug addict, a rape victim, a prostitute/stripper, and finally a welfare recipient to a well adjusted best-selling author and a spiritual advisor. Her life itself is a miracle. She has a way of passing the magic and the spiritual techniques that she used to transform her own life to the lives of her readers. I have read all of her books and I recommend them all. I read her meditation book THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO daily with my morning coffee. CODEPENDENT NO MORE is a wonderful book...I couldn't put it down, because I kept relating my own behavior and the kind of life I wanted to live to every page...You'll love it.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
CODEPENDENT NO MORE is the best self help book I have ever read. It gives a clear insight on how to deal with all types of feelings such as fear, despair, depression, and anger. First the book reveals how to process these feelings rather than denying them and then how to move on to feelings like love, joy, fulfillment, and just feeling okay about yourself in general by giving your life a new spiritual meaning. In her private life, the author has moved from an alcoholic and drug addict, a rape victum, a prostitute/stripper, and finally a welfare recipient to a well adjusted best-selling author and a spiritual advisor. Her life itself is a miracle. She has a way of passing the magic and the spiritual techniques that she used to transform her own life to the lives of her readers. I have read all of her books and I recommend them all. I read her meditation book THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO daily with my morning coffee. CODEPENDENT NO MORE is a wonderful book...I read it in two sittings...You'll love it.
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Most recent customer reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars excellent book
Excellent read. The only thing I didn't like was her strong affirmation that professional counselling doesn't work and instead people with addictions and their family members... Read more
Published 21 days ago by M. Moreno
5.0 out of 5 stars Codependent No More
I absolutely love this book. Even if you are not in a relationship with an alcoholic, or grew up with one, this book is very helpful. Read more
Published 23 days ago by Kelsi
5.0 out of 5 stars Life Saving!
This book is life saving! When a co-dependant comes to realize that his/her best efforts to love can in fact be hurtful to everyone involved in an addictive situation, then change... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Eleanor Cowan
4.0 out of 5 stars Awesome!!
Love this book! So enlightening! It helped at a very low point for me, so glad it was recommended to me.
Published 2 months ago by Alicia Armstrong
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome
Such an amazing book, would recommend this too all. Great condition, got here promtly. Cant put the book down. 😃
Published 2 months ago by MysticClean
4.0 out of 5 stars It makes you think.
Very interesting book. I think we all have a little codependency inside of us.
It very well explained.
Thanks for writing this book
Rachel
Published 3 months ago by Rachel
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful
Rated as a 'very good' condition and it is in great condition. It is an older book so the cover is slightly faded and there is a name inside the front cover but the book itself is... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Anita Skene
4.0 out of 5 stars great eye opener to the things a codependent didn't know I didn't...
great eye opener to the things a codependent didn't know I didn't know! Especially the first half of the book!
Published 6 months ago by Jamie Black
3.0 out of 5 stars Ok
This book was ok. I was looking for something different though I think. It would be best for those in relations with an alcoholic or some other addiction.
Published 6 months ago by JG
4.0 out of 5 stars Very beneficial
I would recommend this book for anyone feeling frustrated or angry in their relationships. It follows the 12 Step Al Anon program which is a godsend for anyone that has been... Read more
Published 7 months ago by cengland
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