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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself [Paperback]

Melody Beattie
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (98 customer reviews)
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Book Description

Sept. 1 1986
Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent-and you may find yourself in this book-Codependent No More.

The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.

With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency-charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.

Melody Beattie is the author of Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, The Codependent No More Workbook and Playing It by Heart.

Frequently Bought Together

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself + Codependent No More Workbook + The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series
Price For All Three: CDN$ 40.75

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  • Codependent No More Workbook CDN$ 12.96

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  • The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series CDN$ 14.43

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About the Author

Beattie was a struggling single parent of two children and freelance author and journalist cranking out stories for a small-town daily newspaper in 1986 when she came up with a book idea. She wanted to write a book about what happens to people when they love someone who is addicted to alcohol and other drugs."There were many books out there about how to help an addict or alcoholic. Nobody was talking about how an addict impacts the lives of the people around him or her, and how crazy you can become when you love someone who is addicted," Beattie said. "Even though I was sober, I didn't know how crazy I could get until it happened to me." Twenty publishers turned down Beattie's book proposal. "It's a good idea, but we don't think there's that many codependents out there," they wrote back.Hazelden, however, a treatment center and recovery publisher based in Minnesota, saw a need for the book. The publisher understood how families of alcoholics suffer and believed Beattie's book idea would help people. Beattie marched to the welfare department, asked for enough financial help to make it through the three months it would take her to write the book, then locked herself in a basement office and cranked out Codependent No More. Codependent No More has now sold 3.5 million copies. Beattie has since written nine more books, five for major publishing houses on the east and west coasts. She relocated from Minnesota to California, and she has long-since paid back the welfare department. Beattie has appeared in the pages of Newsweek and People and has been a regular guest on Geraldo and Oprah. Playing It By Heart is Beattie's first original book for Hazelden since 1990; the book is a return to her recovery roots that first brought her national recognition.

From AudioFile

For twenty years Melody Beattie has been writing lucidly about codependency--the pattern of trying to control or change someone who repeatedly makes trouble for themselves and others, and who usually is manipulating and controlling others as well. The problem is often part of an addictive or depressive syndrome or both (which the author understands well from her own experience); the solution she offers is to work extra hard at clarifying each person's boundaries, keeping everyone's responsibilities separated, and becoming obsessive about looking after one's own interests in the face of demands to do otherwise. Christina Moore's elegant diction stirs in a measure of attention-getting gravitas to this weighty mixture of classic relationship advice. T.W. © AudioFile 2006, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
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My first encounter with codependents occurred in the early sixties. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
23 of 23 people found the following review helpful
So far as I can tell, very few people could ever read this book without taking something positive away from it. And you don't have to be the product of a broken home, child abuse, neglect, or other serious trauma to see how the machinery of codependency tweaks your life; always for the worse.
Having read other peoples' reviews, I'm not sure where some of the negative "cult" comments come from. But I do know that I am halfway through this book and I am very impressed. I'm not from an abusive, alcoholic, or otherwise chemically shattered family. I have good parents and I had a good childhood. Just the same, even good parents and a good childhood are no guarantee against developing unhealthy relationship habits, as well as damaging internal emotional processes.
If you're like me, you shy away from "self help" literature because it all seems way too touchy-feely. I don't see myself as a victim, and I refuse to adopt the victim mentality. But nobody gives parents a rule book on setting healthy emotional boundaries with their kids, and kids that grow up in a home without healthy emotional boundaries become adults without healthy emotional boundaries. This can really get you into trouble when you start trying to form a family of your own, and is the reason why I sought out this book with urgency.
Does it seem like your hapiness is too connected to how other people live their lives? Do you get really upset and depressed because those whom you love engage in behavior you see as risky or damaging? Feel powerless to stop your loved one from using or abusing mind altering substances? Tired of always feeling like "the bad guy" when you're just trying to get your partner to "be good"?
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Definitely Worth a Read May 16 2004
By A Customer
I first came across this book as a recommendation (from a psychologist, no less) as to how to deal with an abusive relationship I was involved in. Like some of the other reviewers, it was painful at first to see myself described in the book. But it helped me to understand why I was attracted to addictive personalities, what attracted them to me, and how to eventually break the cycle. I certainly won't say that all of your problems will be solved with this book, but it is a step in the right direction. It certainly worked for me.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth every penny Oct. 5 2003
If you have codependency issues, this is the bible for codependency issues. Start reading and start caring for yourself and stop letting others manipulate you. Learn to let go.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Beattie is a Recovery Beauty!! June 4 2004
This author is one of the most honest, insightful, and thoughtful writers in the world of recovery. I own a copy of each of her books. You are encouraged and blessed with each chapter. I refer to her codependency books frequently to remind myself what getting better is all about. Thanks, Melody!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What a book! Aug. 29 2003
By A Customer
A friend gave this book to me many years ago and I never read it until just recently. I feel like I have been blown out of the water since reading this book. This book forces you to look at yourself and your relationship in a new way and once you see what is really going on, you have no choice but to change your life. It is painful at first but you know that it is the only way to the next step in your development. If you are ready to take a step out of codependence, this book is a treasure. If you'd like to understand what all of this relationship stuff means in relation to human development, spirituality, and evolution, read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato and it will illuminate you like no other book. Both of these books are indispensible to me right now.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
CODEPENDENT NO MORE is the best self help book I have ever read. It gives a clear insight on how to deal with all types of feelings such as fear, despair, depression, and anger. First the book reveals how to process these feelings rather than denying them and then how to move on to feelings like love, joy, fulfillment, and just feeling okay about yourself in general by giving your life a new spiritual meaning. In her private life, the author has moved from an alcoholic and drug addict, a rape victum, a prostitute/stripper, and finally a welfare recipient to a well adjusted best-selling author and a spiritual advisor. Her life itself is a miracle. She has a way of passing the magic and the spiritual techniques that she used to transform her own life to the lives of her readers. I have read all of her books and I recommend them all. I read her meditation book THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO daily with my morning coffee. CODEPENDENT NO MORE is a wonderful book...I read it in two sittings...You'll love it.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition
This international best-seller is written by Melody Beattie – a woman who has lived through being kidnapped, being abandoned, being sexually abused, being a drug and alcohol addict, the death of her son and co-dependency issues: a term she coined in the 80’s.

This book deals specifically for those who are dealing with partners, children, parents, friends or other loved ones that have an addiction or other compulsive, destructive tendencies. Often the attention is given to those that have the “problem”, while those closest to them are often in just as much need.

Many of us often feel that we are being supportive and helpful, when in fact we may be disempowering and “rescuing” those we love. This behaviour doesn’t help either party. This book emphasizes that people need to be responsible for their own decisions, choices and consequences. You can lovingly listen to them and share ideas, but the ultimate responsibility for change is up to them.

Many co-dependents have difficulty setting boundaries and then find themselves used and abused over and over again. This pattern can stop and may ultimately not only heal the co-dependent from their need to “help”, but also allow the space for the affected person to take the steps necessary for recovery.

A very gentle and encouraging book to help those who are feeling helpless and are spending their energy on trying to help others, often while ignoring their own needs and wants. Lots of great suggestions on how to “let go” without giving up on those you care about.

Diana Young World-traveler - currently sailing in the South Pacific & #1 Amazon best-selling author Financial Fitness for Beginners [...]
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Codependent No More
I absolutely love this book. Even if you are not in a relationship with an alcoholic, or grew up with one, this book is very helpful. Read more
Published 1 day ago by Kelsi
5.0 out of 5 stars Life Saving!
This book is life saving! When a co-dependant comes to realize that his/her best efforts to love can in fact be hurtful to everyone involved in an addictive situation, then change... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Eleanor Cowan
4.0 out of 5 stars Awesome!!
Love this book! So enlightening! It helped at a very low point for me, so glad it was recommended to me.
Published 1 month ago by Alicia Armstrong
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome
Such an amazing book, would recommend this too all. Great condition, got here promtly. Cant put the book down. 😃
Published 1 month ago by MysticClean
4.0 out of 5 stars It makes you think.
Very interesting book. I think we all have a little codependency inside of us.
It very well explained.
Thanks for writing this book
Published 3 months ago by Rachel
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful
Rated as a 'very good' condition and it is in great condition. It is an older book so the cover is slightly faded and there is a name inside the front cover but the book itself is... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Anita Skene
4.0 out of 5 stars great eye opener to the things a codependent didn't know I didn't...
great eye opener to the things a codependent didn't know I didn't know! Especially the first half of the book!
Published 5 months ago by Jamie Black
3.0 out of 5 stars Ok
This book was ok. I was looking for something different though I think. It would be best for those in relations with an alcoholic or some other addiction.
Published 5 months ago by JG
4.0 out of 5 stars Very beneficial
I would recommend this book for anyone feeling frustrated or angry in their relationships. It follows the 12 Step Al Anon program which is a godsend for anyone that has been... Read more
Published 6 months ago by cengland
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful to start my recovery
Although this book did not reach the bottom of why I was acting as a codependent, it clearly laid out what codependency is. I noticed myself in it right away. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Kristy
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