Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Paperback)

Having read other peoples' reviews, I'm not sure where some of the negative "cult" comments come from. But I do know that I am halfway through this book and I am very impressed. I'm not from an abusive, alcoholic, or otherwise chemically shattered family. I have good parents and I had a good childhood. Just the same, even good parents and a good childhood are no guarantee against developing unhealthy relationship habits, as well as damaging internal emotional processes.

If you're like me, you shy away from "self help" literature because it all seems way too touchy-feely. I don't see myself as a victim, and I refuse to adopt the victim mentality. But nobody gives parents a rule book on setting healthy emotional boundaries with their kids, and kids that grow up in a home without healthy emotional boundaries become adults without healthy emotional boundaries. This can really get you into trouble when you start trying to form a family of your own, and is the reason why I sought out this book with urgency.

Does it seem like your hapiness is too connected to how other people live their lives? Do you get really upset and depressed because those whom you love engage in behavior you see as risky or damaging? Feel powerless to stop your loved one from using or abusing mind altering substances? Tired of always feeling like "the bad guy" when you're just trying to get your partner to "be good"? Has your own social circle dwindled or vanished, so that now only your partner and his/her friends are 'your' social group? Would you like to know why it's so hard to get out of bed every morning, and why you spend so much time worrying about that certain person in your life, while worrying too little about yourself?

Codependency is not a catch-all problem, nor is it remedied over night. But I'd dare say that at least half or more of American adults--indeed adults across the entire world--struggle with some form of codependent behavior. And if you want a deeper insight into this problem, what it is, what it is not, and how it messes with your life, then read this book, and gain strength from understanding.

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If you feel that you are constantly going in circles trying to please everyone in your life, this is the book for you. If you feel that you are not "good enough" to be around other people, this book is for you. Even if you are not surrounded by chemically-dependent people you can still be codependent.

I read this book for the first time about 12 years ago. I have bought and given away many copies and don't even own my own copy at this point. Getting past being a people-pleaser does not make you nasty or selfish or an egomaniac. Instead it allows you to give of yourself fully to those things that YOU want to give fully to. You learn to say yes to what you really want to do instead of being a doormat who can never say no because it just isn't nice.

Read this book for yourself. Please don't let the naysayers persuade you against this book. You don't have to be a fan of 12-step programs to read this book. I tried that route and it did not work for me but this book did. Good luck to everyone becoming the person you were meant to be!

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