Conan The Barbarian 3D (3D/ Blu-ray/ DVD/ Digital Copy Combo)

 

 

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The Conan movie franchise is one that should be approached with a high degree of caution and foreknowledge prior to execution. Director Marcus Nispel failed to take this into account when he began work on the remake of the classic 1982 Schwarzenegger vehicle of the same name. The result is a hodgepodge of contemporary action clichés, tired special effects and a completely lackluster story.

Jason Momoa steps into Conan's shoes in one of the biggest miscasts of the last decade. His role as Khal Drago on HBO's 'Game of Thrones' suits him far better, ironically. Instead, Momoa is primped, preened, eyelined and waxed to perfection in an obvious and blatant attempt at attracting a hyper-excited female demographic. He possesses neither Conan's bulk nor weathered body, something Schwarzenegger managed to pull off with complete ease. Momoa's aggressive overacting (complete with Machiavellian grin n' growl) is extremely tiresome and makes the character wildly unpredictable and overly reckless, which is opposite of the traditional Conan's balance between throw-down and cool strategist. The movie does attract high grade actors, however. Stephen Lang continues to shine in another villainous role which he seemed born to play, and Ron Perlman's presence is a welcome addition to the cast as Conan's father, but Rachel Nichols is absolutely horrible as Conan's love interest, while Rose McGowan just barely manages to assert enough creepiness as a psychopathic witch. Granted, none of the actors were given much of a storyline to work with.

And what a terrible story it is. When pitted side by side against the origin story of the 1982 version, one can clearly see how the remake just falls to pieces. Instead of a sprawling sense of history and realism, we are instead treated to dozens of blatant CGI shots with oversaturated sunrises and knockoff light sources. There's little in the way of scale or attention to detail, and looks like it could have been shot anywhere with the right planning. Some scenes, including Conan's battle with a legion of sand warriors is...interesting, if not contrived and predictable. I found myself immediately flashing back to a similar fight scene in the Mummy Returns. By the time the final act had risen to its pinnacle, I was hiding my face in my hand and peeking out through splayed fingers at the horrible redundancy of it all.

The remake certainly can't best the 1982 original, if it was even trying at all. Assuming the same title as its predecessor smacks of arrogance and cheapness, proving that Nispel cannot hold a directorial candle to John Milius, while Momoa would be trampled underfoot by Schwarzenegger's power. I didn't care for any of the soulless characters, and I found myself yearning for James Earl Jones' eerily wicked Thulsa Doom who proves a far more fascinating villain to drive the storyline. Die-hard Conan fans should rent this and leave it be, but I would almost recommend they go play the Age of Conan MMO, read the original Robert E. Howard stories, or take the easy way out and fire up the 1982 film instead.

If you like the Arnold movies... (they broke my heart) this will be quite different, this is much more bloody and without the cheesy humour and sidekicks some people must have loved (and I hated, Conan wasn't funny and didn't have a goofy Asian wizard pals). But if you've actually read Robert E. Howard's (1906-1936) Conan stories, it's a whole lot closer then Arnold's stumbling fool. It's odd, the quote people made fun of "I live, I love, I slay -- I am content"... is actually right out of the books.
I think the fault of this movie was trying to incorporate some of the Arnold Schwarzenegger films story line into it. The whole vengeance on the people who killed his family has nothing to do with Robert E. Howard's Conan, the same with the riddle of steel stuff. Also, why is he in a dress? And what's with the obviously silly swords, (two blades?) while not as bad as the helmet worn by Mickey Rourke in The Immortals, or Russell Crowe's chrome job in Gladiator... it's obvious the designers wanted something new and cool, but stood out as "simply wrong". To me anyways.
Either way, I enjoyed it and would gladly watch a few more sequels, specially if they're closer to the books. When the books are that good, you don't have to stray from them.

I love mindless action films. But this movie is terrible, there is no fun to be had in this film, Jason Mamoa doesn't seem to enjoy the role, the story is non-existent, and the villains are generic and predictable. The special features are very light and the audio and visual quality is respectable. I can only recommend this to hardcore Conan fans, otherwise save your money for a better film

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4.0 out of 5 stars Conan The Barbarian
I really liked this movie since I didn't really have any expectations prior to seeing it. A good action flick with a bit of everything. Read more

Published 2 months ago by Ed

4.0 out of 5 stars 3d review
Just a quick thought about this movie. I liked the movie lots of action. They could have picked a bigger person to play conan but hey the guy who did act as conan can at least... Read more

Published 3 months ago by Northcustomer

4.0 out of 5 stars conan fan
i am a big fan of conan movies and games!, even though i enjoyed this movie it still disappointed me where there wasn't enough storyline, more villians would've been nice! Read more

Published 5 months ago by darrens dense ticket'

1.0 out of 5 stars Save your money
After Conan the Destroyer, I didn't think they could make a worse Conan movie, but they've succeeded. Read more

Published 5 months ago by Lars Thorvald

1.0 out of 5 stars Very bad
A very very bad movie a insult for the classic conan whit arnold this one look like a tv séries bring back Arnold please is the one and only conan

Published 6 months ago by daniel emond

3.0 out of 5 stars Good adaption, deserves more credit
More faithful to the character than the Arnold movies, not as good as the original stories. I did enjoy this violent romp, however it didn't make the hairs on the back of my neck... Read more

Published 6 months ago by Geckomeister

1.0 out of 5 stars is there anything less then 1 star?
ok...so this a new big screen version of Conan. NOT a remake of the Arnold version like many think it is,this is a totally different story and origin and pretty much a mess for... Read more

Published 6 months ago by David R. Robert

5.0 out of 5 stars Rose McGowan makes this movie
Incredible movie. Really brings the original story to life, not like that Arnold crap from the 80's. Rose McGowan's transformation in this movie is incredible. Read more

Published 6 months ago by Barry Edward Bedford

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