Conan The Barbarian

Since this 2011 film is a remake/reboot of the '82 version of Conan the Barbarian I'll draw comparisons throughout this review.

Although the film's set-up is the same as the '82 version -- raiders destroy Conan's Cimmerian village and thus the barbarian seeks revenge -- the story is completely different. The villains here are Khalar Zym and his witchy daughter, Marique, who seek to resurrect Zym's sorcerous wife, once they attain the needed pure blood necessary for their Acheron magic (or something like that).

WHAT WORKS:

- Jason Momoa, as Conan, is excellent. Far better than Arnie. It's hard to conceive of a better Conan.
- The Bulgarian locations are outstanding.
- The Costuming is more convincing than the '82 version. Conan's apparel, for instance, is more faithful to REH than Arnie's fur loincloth.
- Better acting than the '82 version, excluding James Earl Jones, of course.
- Brutal, thrilling action throughout.
- Convincing swordplay.
- Corsairs, highlighted by Conan's comrade Artus, effectively played by likable Nonso Anozie.
- Excellent sets/props. It definitely looks like the Hyborian Age.
- Good serious vibe, despite the cartooney, over-the-top last act.
- Rose McGowan as the witchy daughter is ee-vil and creepy.
- Ron Perlman as Conan's father is outstanding.
- The whole opening sequence.
- I liked how the film stressed the closeness and love of Conan and his father. There's a correlation between true greatness and a close relationship with a strong father-figure and his example of excellence.
- You have to give credit to the filmmakers for effectively illustrating Conan's youthful days and life in a Cimmerian village in general, something Conan's creator never delved into in any detail.

WHAT DOESN'T WORK:

- Deviated too much from Robert E. Howard, like the '82 version, although it certainly adhered to REH's overall pulp vibe. I'd prefer to see one of REH's originals put to film, like "A Witch Shall be Born" or "Beyond the Black River."
- Stephan Lang as Zym makes a worthy enough villain for Conan, but he comes off too clichéd and cartooney, especially in the final act. James Earl Jones' Thulsa Doom worked better, likely because he was so unique.
- Rachel Nichols' Tamara is okay, but she doesn't hold a candle to Sandahl Bergman's Valeria.
- The score is serviceable but pales in comparison with Basil Poledouris' score from the '82 version (or even "Conan The Destroyer"). This score defintely won't be celebrated 30 years later like Basil's. Why didn't they just update Polerdouris' score?
- Too much "Modern Blockbuster Syndrome" that appeals to those with ADHD.
- Especially the over-the-top final act, which is way too comic booky. It's cartooney overKILL, pure and simple. But, then again, it did bring to mind REH's "Jewels of Gwahlur," so maybe it's not so far off the mark.
- The 3D format was interesting but unnecessary. Why do theaters burden films with this needless expense?
- The biggest flaw was that there wasn't enough depth. The film needed more 'downtime' to contrast the wall-to-wall action, like campfire scenes (which would better indicate distances), more camaraderie on the ship, more development of Conan & Tamara's relationship, etc. Although it had some of this, it wasn't enough. Action sequences naturally hold more weight when the audience cares about the characters.
- Along with lack of depth was the lack of epic-ness or moving moments. The '82 film deviated from REH but at least it made up for it with depth and epic-ness. For instance, when Conan & Subotai make their stand against the riders of doom or Conan's moving victory salute, not to mention the potent love & death/funeral scenes, etc. This 2011 version had glimpses of this, like when Conan is birthed on the battlefield then raised to the sky and when Conan's father expresses his love with his final act, but -- again -- it needed more.

The film runs 113 minutes.

THE DVD: I have to admit that I enjoyed the movie slightly more on non-3D DVD. Need I point out that the cover of the DVD is Conan to a 't'? The extras include a director's commentary (Marcus Nispel), a commentary with Momoa and McGowan, a 12-minute feature on REH, a slightly longer one on the character of Conan, and a couple of features on the action scenes.

CONCLUSION: The filmmakers got a lot of things right, like Momoa as Conan and the authentic look/feel of the Hyborian Age. The film's not bad at all and pulsates with energy, but it needed more depth, epic-ness and uniqueness to pull it out of its "blockbuster" mediocrity. It's violence for the sake of violence, which gets dull by the 90-minute mark, plus the last act is just cartooney overkill. Here's hoping that there will be a future Director's Cut DVD with important character-defining moments that were needlessly cut for the theatrical release ("Daredevil (Director's Cut)" comes to mind).

GRADE: Visually, this is a Grade A adaption of Conan all the way, but storywise I'd give it a C, even though it has a couple glimpses of greatness. Overall Grade: C+ or B-

Despite it's mammothly disappointing box office take and lukewarm reviews, I still looked forward to seeing this remake/reboot/re-whatever of Conan the Barbarian. In all honesty, the film has a lot going for it, with some brilliant visual set pieces and set designs that wonderfully bring pulp writer Robert E. Howard's savage world to life, but other than that, the film itself feels oh so empty. Jason Momoa (Game of Thrones) stars as Conan, the Cimmerian warrior seeking vengeance for the destruction of his people at the hands of warlord Khalar Zym (a scene-chewing Stephen Lang), and in turn embarks on a quest to save all of Hyboria as Zym's master plan begins to come to fruition. Along for the ride are Rose McGowan as Zym's witchy daughter, and hottie Rachel Nichols as the pawn in Zym's plot; granted neither of them have all that much to work with. In fact, nearly the entire cast of Conan the Barbarian do little to make things memorable, other than Stephen Lang. The film's story is plenty predictable, and despite all the swordplay and blood and carnage on the screen, you never get that same sense of excitement or wonder from the proceedings like you did in the original 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger film. All in all, this new take on Conan the Barbarian isn't absolutely horrible, but it doesn't have the same heart and soul to it that the original film had.

I am a great fan of the 1982 Conan film with 'Arnuld'. Sure it was not exactly true to the original Robert E. Howard stories but that was not necessarily a bad thing. Robert E. Howard was not exactly accessible to mass audiences. But John Milius's 1982 script captured the essence of the mythical Hyborian Age in which Conan's adventures are set. Supported by a superb cast, an intelligent script, and great direction, the original 'Conan the Barbarian' is an enjoyable film with just enough violence, just enough humor, and a surprising good job of acting by the then young Schwarzenegger to make it a fun motion picture diversion after repeated viewings. Even the sequel, 'Conan the Destroyer' wasn't half bad although it was a disappointment following the much better original. So now we have the 2011 remake.

The new Conan may actually be more faithful the Robert E. Howard but that is not a good thing. The CGI work is ok, the art direction is interesting but with too obviously painted backdrops; The acting is bad, and the script is almost non-existant. Fast and impossible to follow editing takes the place of thoughtful action sequences. The darkness of the lighting, especially on a home TV, makes the action even more difficult to follow.

After a very good introduction, the film degenerates from one poorly staged action sequence after another. The violence is so numbing that it is easy to turn away from the whole enterprise, and you won't miss anything if you take a 10 minute break while the film continues to run on and on. Any viewer empathy for the young Conan is quickly lost after watching one confusing action scene after another.

It is not that Jason Momoa was not a good choice for the title role. He has the right look and the correct stance and the images of him swinging a sword as if it were made of plastic are staged well in the visually stunning sets. I swear that there is one sequence that has him traipsing through King Kong's home cave on Skull Island. As long as Momoa struts his stuff he looks the part ... but then he opens his mouth. Sorry Momoa fans but his voice is not as compelling as Schwarzenegger's deep Austrian accent. This may be the reason why he speaks very little throughout the entire film.

This version of Conan is not worth repeated viewing. The original created a prehistoric world that was fleshed out with character development and great plotting. This version relies on art design and fails miserably.

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