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Connected Parenting [Hardcover]

Jennifer Kolari
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)

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Book Description

May 5 2009 0670068411 978-0670068418

When a child is acting out, parents often respond with anger. But there is a better way. Drawing on twenty years of experience as a child therapist, Jennifer Kolari explains that children act up when they feel an adult does not understand their concerns. The answer is parenting with empathy, which Kolari helps parents implement via her proven CALM technique:

Connect emotionally
match the Affect of the child
Listen to what your child is saying
Mirror their emotion back to show  understanding
With this simple strategy, parents can connect with their child in any situation to reduce anxiety, de-escalate tantrums instantly and increase self-esteem. Insightful and empowering, Connected Parenting is filled with step-by-step advice and examples from families that have been transformed, often within weeks. It will bring out the best in you—and your child.

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Product Description

Book Description

A practical, hands-on guide to helping parents improve their relationships with their children. This book will be a helpful tool for parents seeking effective strategies for dealing with their challenging children and for fostering closer parent-child relationships.

About the Author

Jennifer Kolari is a child and family therapist with twenty years' experience of working with parents and children. She lives in Toronto with her husband and their three children.

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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars As necessary as air and chocolate! May 18 2009
Jennifer Kolari's book is timely, compassionate and trustworthy. Nobody's family life is perfect and Jennifer's methods can really help whether you have a child with real learning issues or a child who is going through a rough patch socially or who is emotionally sensitive.

I have struggled so long to stop the yelling matches with my son. We love each other more than life, yet I found we were constantly besieged by fighting that left me sad, exhausted and feeling like a failure. The mirroring that Jennifer teaches helped me to easily reach my son and then to deal with his self-control difficulties. Her methods took away the anger ingredient. We are moving forward in a much healthier way.

"Connected parenting" is easy to read, chock full of useful examples and it makes you feel empowered rather than "lesser than" as some of the other child help books do. I strongly recommend it for your bookshelf as it will see you through every stage of childhood. Jennifer's techniques do amazing things for adult relationships, too. You NEED THIS BOOK for whenever you're feeling incapable, lonely, stressed or simply in need of some familial inspiration. It will rock your world and solidify your family life.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent parenting book! May 18 2009
This is the only parenting book you will ever need. Kolari's methods are loving and effective -- and can turn around a difficult child in less than a month. This book is funny and warm, smart and insightful--I read it in one sitting.

Without question, a groundbreaking system for raising confident, strong, balanced, and resilient children. They should hand this one out in the delivery room.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Read May 19 2009
Jennifer Kolari's approach to parenting was a god sent to our family as we helped our daughter through some tough times at school. The Connected Parenting model does just that...it connects you to your child and opens up communication in an honest and non-confrontational way. Unlike so many other parenting models, this one really works. A must-read for all parents.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Life-changing parenting advice June 4 2009
I was referred to Jennifer Kolari by my son's pediatrician. At the time, he was struggling with attention deficit, and was generally a very unhappy child at school. In the second grade, and one of the youngest at only 6, he had no friends, he was always getting called to the office for discipline problems and was being reprimanded constantly for behavioural issues. We knew him to be a smart, sensitive and good natured boy, but somehow his social challenges got the better of him at school. He was always sad, rarely laughed or smiled and it was heartbreaking to kiss my lonely boy goodbye at school every morning.

After one month with Jennifer, we saw a difference. By the end of that school year, he had made friends, was coming home happy, and we were not receiving any more phone calls. Her parenting model, and the advice she provided both him and us as parents, turned his life around. He has not had any behavioural issues, nor has he been called to the office in over two years. He is excelling academically, he has friends, and has socially adjusted very well. After years of angst, Connected Parenting has made all the difference in the world to us. Thank God for Jennifer Kolari, our only regret is that we didn't meet her sooner. I'm delighted she has written this book, so that parents world-wide can benefit from her remarkable work.
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4.0 out of 5 stars The best parenting book I have read so far March 25 2010
By RenLady
Of all the parenting books I have read, this one best explains how to talk and empathize with your child. It is better in this respect than "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk". One other thing that makes me prefer this book to all other empathy based parenting books is that it acknowledges the reality children, like the rest of us, are not ALWAYS going to respond to the empathic communication, and gives a plan for what to do when those situations arise. With other books, I felt like I was a failure as a parent when my child did not instantly respond to my attempts to communicate.
After trying the "mirroring" for a few days, I have already noticed that my 2 year old is becoming calmer.

Those who prefer the idea of parenting without punishments and rewards will not like the second half of the book which deals with setting limits as much as the first section.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Best Tool in Your Parenting Toolbox! May 18 2009
Jennifer Kolari's book will teach you how to connect with your child on a totally new level. The stories that she shares are poignant and funny and will teach you techniques that will help you mitigate any situation with children of all ages. Parenting is a wonderful journey, you'll want to pack this for the ride.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Connected Parenting - A Must Read Aug. 1 2009
By Jen
Jennifer Kolari's Connected Parenting is brilliant. This book is easy to read and has clear step by step instructions for executing excellent therapy and parenting techniques. I found this book empowering - for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was armed with the knowledge and understanding I required to effectively interact with my highly anxious, sensitive and often angry child.

The moment I implemented Jennifer's 'mirroring' techniques and started to empathize with my son's emotions (no matter how outlandish they seemed) I was able to defuse his melt-downs, tune him in and then take action. I noticed results almost immediately! All my son wanted was to be heard and understood! I wish I had found this book sooner... it would have helped to eliminate a lot of frustration on both our ends.

Thank you Connected Parenting!
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