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Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk about It and Do It Safely [Paperback]

Bill Henkin , William Henkin , Sybil Holiday
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
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Book Description

Sept. 1 1996 1881943127 978-1881943129
Easy to read, easy to follow, and easy to understand, in this book the authors define and demystify the unique language of consensual sadomasochism, examine the psychological power of erotic dominance and submission, provide a carefully considered guide for safe SM play, and explain how SM can be an activity of intense intimacy and sophisticated erotic theater, as well as one of simple sexual pleasure. Combining their extensive professional credentials with deep personal experience, the result is an original introduction to a widely misunderstood realm of human sexuality.

"Henkin and Holiday have done erotic explorers a wonderful favor. Their useful book is concise and clearheaded in all things SM. But the most radical concept for many will surely be the notion to simply have fun." - Mark Thompson, editor of Leatherfolk

I've actually recomended this book more often than my own. That's because you're holding what is without doubt, one of the finest and most useful books on BDSM ever written. It can help you distinguish between looking and seeing. Not for skimmers........this one is soul food. - Guy Baldwin, M.S. author of TIES THAT BIND and SlaveCraft

Henkin and Holiday offer a very useful book about BDSM for mainly beginners in the scene but also for anyone who just like staying on top of opinions about BDSM. The book is well organized with a glossary right after a good discussion of special terms used in BDSM. Likewise sample negotiation forms are found at the end of the chapter where the procedure is explained. The largest section of the book concerns safety but not necessarily the kind you might find in "On the Safe Edge" or "Learning the Ropes". Here the focus is on learning about yourself first, learning about your partner second, and then how to explore BDSM. Throughout the idea that BDSM is primarily a pleasureable partnership is embraced and indeed in my personal experiences the best SM or Ds relationships are partnerships. Neither Henkin nor Holiday say that their way is the only way but they give solid reasons for their opinions and make suggestions based on years in the scene and as scholars and educators. This is definately a book I have proud to have in my library and one I recommend to people new to BDSM. - TammyJo Eckhart from kinkybooks.com


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I remember coming to my senses in the middle of a night lit only by the yellow glow from my Pluto lamp: not Pluto, Lord of the Roman Underworld, nor Pluto, the distant, dark planet named for that god, but Pluto, the hound dog who belongs to Mickey Mouse. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

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4.8 out of 5 stars
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Most helpful customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Simple language serves up reality for beginners May 22 2001
Format:Paperback
Henkin and Holiday offer a very useful book about BDSM for mainly beginners in the scene but also for anyone who just like staying on top of opinions about BDSM. The book is well organized with a glossary right after a good discussion of special terms used in BDSM. Likewise sample negotiation forms are found at the end of the chapter where the procedure is explained. The largest section of the book concerns safety but not necessarily the kind you might find in "On the Safe Edge" or "Learning the Ropes". Here the focus is on learning about yourself first, learning about your partner second, and then how to explore BDSM. Throughout the idea that BDSM is primarily a pleasureable partnership is embraced and indeed in my personal experiences the best SM or Ds relationships are partnerships. Neither Henkin nor Holiday say that their way is the only way but they give solid reasons for their opinions and make suggestions based on years in the scene and as scholars and educators. This is definately a book I have proud to have in my library and one I recommend to people new to BDSM.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting Look at SM May 14 2000
Format:Paperback
This book is written by two experienced SM practioners, one who is a psychotherapist, and the other a sexologist. The first chapter of the book tells how they both got interested in SM.
There are a number of "introductory SM books" on the market now and what I like about the well-written ones is they way they handle basic SM topics. This book is no exception to this rule.
It not only covers common SM topics, such as "playing safely" (with detailed descriptions of playing with various SM "toys), but also contains sections on who you should or shouldn't play with, and also contains a book, magazine and online resource section.
I loved the glossary of SM terms contained in the book and their chapter on "Defining and Demystifying the Language." They also call make a point to define the difference between consensual play and abuse.
I also liked their section called "On Doing Psychotherapy in the Dungeon." They point out SM can be therapeutic, but not to do actual "therapy" in play. Good point!
A well-written book with lots of good information.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Very worthwhile March 21 2000
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book is written by two experienced SM people, one of whom is also a psychotherapist and a sexologist, and it does a very good job of covering the basics (and some of the not so basics) of SM. It is written in a readable, straightforward style.
It covers the basic SM safety practices of limits, consent, negotiation and safewords. It also covers how to do basic SM practices such as whipping, spanking, bondage and hot wax.
It includes good material on finding partners and on the SM scene, although since it was written the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage has changed to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm
It has exceptionally good material on spiritual SM and on tantric SM.
There are shorter books on the subject and longer books but this is a good medium sized book.
Other good books in this area include "Screw the roses send me the thorns", "SM 101", "The Sexually Dominant Woman", "Learning the Ropes", "Safe Sane Consensual and Fun", "Ties That Bind", and "SM Classics".
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