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Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness [Paperback]

Alan Garner
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 19.95
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Book Description

April 22 1997 1565656296 978-1565656291 1

More than a million people have learned the secrets of effective conversation using Conversationally Speaking. This revised edition provides more ways to improve conversational skills by asking questions that promote conversation, learning how to listen so that others will be encouraged to talk, reducing anxiety in social situations and more.

Frequently Bought Together

Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness + How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships + The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills--and Leave a Positive Impression!
Price For All Three: CDN$ 44.12

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Product Description

About the Author

Alan Garner has taught hundreds of Conversationally Speaking workshops. He is the coauthor of Lifers for Adult Children.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
"Scott, a 52-year-old construction contractor, reporting on his efforts to talk to his neighbors: I tried, I really did." Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Covers certain skills well, but not perfect. April 6 2003
This is the first book I've read that covers the difficult art of conversation. This book contains information just unobvious enough to not be common sense to most people so it is worth the money you will pay for it, but don't expect it to turn a person lacking conversational skills into Mr. Popular.
My main problem with the book is that it gives plenty of tips on getting others to talk and listening carefully to what they say, but lacks in its information on your ability to communicate what YOU want to say in a way that will get people interested in what you have to say. There is nothing in there about improving your conversational wit.
But an even larger problem I have with this book is that there is absolutely no information about humor. I believe humor is one of the most important skills a good conversationalist can have. In other words, even if you perfect every skill in this book, you will still be a fairly boring person. You may sound intellectual and be able to follow a conversation effectively, but you will still sound like a robot.
The communication this book teaches just sounds too formal to be completely realistic. People just don't talk like the examples seem to suggest in informal situations like parties, bars, restaraunts, etc. This is all coming from a college sophomore who is looking to become "cooler" and make more friends, but this book does little to improve that aspect of my life. Therefore, my opinions may not apply to everyone and an older person who isn't concerned with such things may find this book quite a bit more useful.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book for starting conversations March 29 2003
The book is direct, clearly written, with many practical examples. There are books on the market that are more detailed in specific topics such as active listening, but as an overall practical guide to improving social effectiveness through starting and maintaining conversations, this is excellent.
The key to good converstation, per the author, is asking open ended questions that focus on the other person. Be actively engaged in the conversation through active listening.
The book also goes into how deliver honest positives, even when that is difficult. You could call this "spin", but it is spin in the more positive sense, as opposed to what some politicians have performed.
The book also deals with how to communicate personal information to maintain and develop the conversation, use of body language, active listening, issuing invitation (conversations and other), handling criticism, defusing difficult situations, and requesting change of behaviors in others.
As I said, the book is well written, covers each subject well, with plenty of useful examples. If you liked Covey's "Seven Habits", you'll like this book. I plan to make use of many of the techniques.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
10 years ago I felt like a soul going about in a suit of armor fashioned from rusty scrap metal which had once been a septic tank. I had problems stemming from my youth.
The time had come for me to change or I was going to die, either of lonliness or suicide, so I got into therapy. I started feeling better soon, but needed to build new, practical habits. I hardly knew where to begin; books seemed a good place.
I found Alan Garner's book and seized it immediately.
It's a wonderful book if you desire practical conversational skills that will touch many areas of you life in a positive way. Garner gently guides you step-by-step from finding others to meet, to starting conversations & keeping them going, to resolving conflicts once you're in a relationship.
How fascinating for a young man like me to know the freedom of exchanging silly pick-up lines (or begging) for the calm of honest interest and realistic expectatations.
I am no longer bewildered about why some people are much more successful that others socially, and if you read Alan Garner's book you'll join in the understanding.
May you set yourself free.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Definitely Worth Reading March 27 2002
By rhizome
Conversationally Speaking is surprisingly subtle and deep despite or perhaps because of its simple, straightforward language, methods and anecdotes.
Many a time, at the start of a chapter, I'd think, "where's Garner going with this", or "that seems a little obvious" only to be completely surprised and profoundly taken aback by his shrewd observations and wisdom, a few pages later.
This book bears multiple readings because it has much to say in despite being concise. I especially like the chapters on Self-Disclosure, Self-Defeating Rules, and IDF (Idealization, Frustration, Demoralization) disease, which were real eye-openers.
If I have any criticism of this book, it would be to say that, like many a self-help book (like The Seven Habits, and First Things First), it features many proactive strategies, in this case for overcoming shyness and improving all relationships, but it doesn't deal with the limits of those strategies, i.e. it doesn't overtly state that sometimes the best thing to do is cut your losses and ditch a relationship that's not working. Instead there is an implication to not give up on anyone, and to shrug off others' bad behaviour, rather than trusting your intuition and calling it what it is.
Keeping that in mind, the book is still worth every penny.
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Most recent customer reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars For Complete Wallflowers Only
I have a little trouble sometimes maintaining a conversation, and small talk really isn't my forte. I don't ordinarily buy self-help books, but I read the reviews of this one and... Read more
Published on Oct. 8 2003 by Dylan Mantini
5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT BOOK!
I'll keep it short. It's one of the best book I'd ever read. While reading it, my personality started to change, for the better. Read more
Published on July 3 2003
4.0 out of 5 stars Easy and Helpful
If you have problems starting conversations or keeping them going, this is a very helpful book. However, it's not a panacea- to improve your conversational skill you'll have to... Read more
Published on April 25 2003 by James Schoonmaker
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended
I highly recommend this book to people who feel either shy or awkward in social situations. I feel that I have gotten a great deal of useful information out of this book.
Published on Feb. 27 2003 by tzefirah
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book!
Easy reading, lots of examples, very usefull
Published on Dec 26 2002
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent!...
I'm so grateful that I read this book. I think it's way more professional than "The fine art of small talk". It has an inside-out analysis of conversational behaviors. Read more
Published on Nov. 30 2002 by "hummingwhale"
5.0 out of 5 stars Good book for quiet people
If you frequently find yourself unable to think of anything to say, or anything worthwhile to say, buy this book. Read more
Published on Nov. 29 2002 by "highschoolsucksalot"
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Recommended!!!
It was worth a long wait! I started reading this book as soon as it arrived. I'm a very shy person who is self conscious and hate social gatherings(which is why I bought this... Read more
Published on Oct. 21 2002 by "kateyoshida"
4.0 out of 5 stars Conversation is key
Conversation is key to meeting others & establishing relationships with them. And this book does a tremendous job exploring the aspects of conversation. Read more
Published on Oct. 15 2002 by Mike Fisher
5.0 out of 5 stars It works!!
I read the book out of order (skipped around, etc.), according to the subjects that interested me most, and the book is really helping me in my social life! Read more
Published on Aug. 9 2002
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