Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent [Paperback]

While I am not in favor of the labeling-people-approach that leads people to think of themselves as diagnosticians, I do find valuable insights in this book. Ignore the labels, but use their advice.

In reading just the first 4 chapters, we already have been able to see the pattern of negativity we have contributed to over the years, rationalize the reasons behind her anger (mostly self-image) and have learned some tactics and language that we have used successfully to diffuse difficult conversations and her angry e-mails! This is a must read for anyone with a difficult parent, to help you see the forest beyond the trees and at least be able to communicate peaceably and enjoy the time you have left.

The authors address several different types of interaction between a grown child and parent that are common today. Any reader frustrated with a difficult parent will find some area of this volume to which he can relate. The authors are quick to emphasize that since parents can't be made to change, the only hope for improving the relational situation is in changing as grown children.

Role-playing is frequently used to illustrate "before" behavior, then to illustrate "after" behavior as a result of using the specific principle suggested. The authors also encourage developing a mental strategy that plans ahead for confrontational situations. By identifying certain phrases and comments that trigger stress, the grown child can redirect the conversation and move it in a healthier direction for both parties.

This book does not address responding to serious diseases with parents, the decision of a nursing home, or major financial frustrations. It does deal with the constant irritation that can and often does develop between an aging parent and a grown child. I recommend it highly to all persons who are dealing with the stress resulting from interacting with a difficult, older parent.