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Creepozoids - DVD

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 19 reviews
18 of 22 people found the following review helpful
The cinematic equivalent of a knee to the crotch May 6 2007
By Jeffrey Leach - Published on
Format: DVD
You gotta love the 1980s! I pity the youngsters born after the Age of Reagan. Why? Because they will sit down in front of the television set, watch a cheese filled flick like David DeCoteau's "Creepozoids," and despise it intensely without every understanding the context that allowed such a monstrosity to see the light of day. You must understand the Gipper, MTV, and Member's Only jackets to get this flick. Actually, not really. None of those things have anything to do with "Creepozoids". There exist only two things you need to know about the 1980s in order to understand this movie: nose candy and the arrival of videocassette recordings. The former sufficiently dulled the senses of movie executives in such a manner that they thought dreck like this had a chance to make money. The latter actively encouraged the production of thousands of zero budget crudfests because the rise of video stores demanded shelves full of new product. Not necessarily GOOD product, mind you, but product that would empty the wallets of every yahoo with a membership card. And there you go. These two elements of the 1980s, working in concert, explain why a movie like "Creepozoids" got the green light.

The green light leaves us, the viewers, to pick up the assorted pieces in order to fashion a coherent narrative. Good luck on that coherency thing. "Creepozoids" is a mess of a film. It's also a moderately entertaining one if the viewer possesses a taste for especially tangy cheese. It all starts with our heroes, deserters from the army no less, seeking shelter in an underground facility. It's the year 1998, and World War III has turned the world into a smoking cinder plagued by periodic bouts of highly toxic acid rain. Our cast seeks shelter from one of these storms, although it's very likely they're also seeking refuge from their agents and publicists. Anyway, the group consists of two women, Bianca (Linnea Quigley) and Kate (Kim McKamy), and three men: Butch (Ken Abraham), Jesse (Michael Aranda), and Jake (Richard L. Hawkins). The horrors that await our heroes and heroines down in the depths! What lies in this refuge of last resort is so horrific, so terrible, and so incomprehensible beyond any human understanding that the trauma endured by actress Kim McKamy caused her to morph into adult film star Ashlyn Gere. It's that utterly catastrophic to the human soul!

Nah, it's not that bad unless you expected to see a quality picture. What our deserters discover in this dank cavern is a government weapons program gone horribly awry. That, and they also find some hilariously inept rat puppets. The group also finds a shower that will accommodate a topless Bianca, a storage room, a cheesy computer terminal, and some tunnels in which everyone can run around looking scared. And the creepozoid. What's that? Oh, not much. Some dude dressed up in a black rubber outfit whose primary mission involves dispatching the deserters in unpleasant ways. Think "Alien" and you're on the right track--except not nearly as frightening, creative, or realistic in any way, shape, or form. To save a few bucks, we don't see much blood. Instead, the creature and its offspring (!) cause their victims to spew a black substance that looks suspiciously like the 10W-30 I drained out of my car last week. Anyway, lots of running around and acting idiotic leads up to a denouement of a decidedly underwhelming nature as the sole survivor deals with the nasty monster. Was there ever any doubt of such a conclusion? Nope. Sadly, the movie seems to set itself up for a sequel.

I pretty much knew what I was getting myself into when I picked up this clunker. With a title like "Creepozoids," coupled with that laughable cover art on the DVD case, how could I claim otherwise? Let's run down the list of the film's main points, shall we? A director known for his association with schlockmeister Charles Band? Check. Scream queen Linnea Quigley in the middle of her nose candy years? Check. Linnea Quigley topless in the shower? Check. Ubercheesy monster that looks like a four year old made it out of pipe cleaners and playdoh? Check. A post-apocalyptic setting that actually looks like my basement tricked out with a few props picked up at the local hardware store? Check. A toilet paper script delivered with all the flair of a semi-comatose mental patient reading Finnegan's Wake? Check. I think there's enough in that list to convince you we're not watching "Citizen Kane" here. If you want to see "Citizen Kane," go rent it. Pick up "Creepozoids" if you're feeling cheap, cheesy, and sleazy. Pick it up if you're suffering from insomnia. Pick up my copy. Please. I'm begging you. Seriously, the reek wafting off of this film is starting to contaminate my other DVDs.

In all seriousness, however, Linnea Quigley fans will probably want to view the film. Those viewers afflicted with the need to watch endless mounds of bad science fiction (I plead guilty) will also want to give this one a watch. The movie does have a certain nostalgic charm for me since this is the stuff I grew up watching on cable television after a hard night of partying. I guess I ought to say something about the technical aspects of the disc. The picture and audio quality isn't great, but they aren't bad either. Both are adequate for this type of movie. As for supplements, don't expect grandiose commentaries or extensive behind the scenes features. In fact, the disc I viewed had zero extras. There might have been a trailer for the film thrown in, but I don't remember. I was too traumatized to care. So why am I going to give "Creepozoids" two stars instead of one? Because it's the type of film you can laugh at while sitting around with your buddies. That ought to count for something, don't you think?
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Great movie...until the ending... Feb. 15 2008
By Trent Steel - Published on
Format: DVD
This movie is pretty crazy!
It takes place in the future and is about a group of "deserters" who in order to avoid the acid rain hide in a building.
In this building there is a monster who kills a bunch of them off and keeps spitting stuff on the others.
If things weren't bad enough there is also a rodent problem, for some reason there are big rats attacking people.
The movie takes a bad turn when the main creature turns into a baby and then stalks the only remaining character for the rest of the movie.
The scene last like 30 minutes and is so freaking bad, other than that the movie is pretty cool.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
"Is someone out there? Who's out there? Hello?" Feb. 20 2015
By Einsatz - Published on
Format: DVD Verified Purchase
With certain types of horror/sci-fi flicks it works to your advantage to have low expectations from the start. Such is the case with David DeCoteau's Creepozoids.

In the far distant future of 1998, the world has gone to hell in a hand-basket. A group of five deserters flee the front lines of THE war, sneaking through a concrete jungle of sorts, entirely devoid of other people. It's artfully shot (surprisingly enough, someone knew how to compose interesting compositions). And then they move into a building where everything goes dark. The lights only work half the time in half of the building and its crawlspaces. Which means getting a good look at the monster isn't going to happen. It's just a jumble of odd shapes moving in the dark.

The plot is fairly basic for its type. A small group of people are confined in a `vacant' building (due to acid rain) and are therefore easy prey for a huge monster to pick off one at a time. Naturally, the monster is the result of tampering (something to do with amino acids and food supplies). Several of the characters become engorged and get a little messy. There are also giant rats with attitude problems. As if they didn't have enough trouble with the big monster! The killer baby is a whole other matter.

I have always had a fondness for this dopey film. It's not complicated; it's simply another monster movie among many monster movies. It's no better or worst than most. It's low budget. The shock value is rudimentary. There's nudity. There's gore of a sort. It satisfies most of my must-haves. Is it great or even good at what it tries to accomplish? Certainly not, it's full-on crap. But that's why I love it. I have very low expectations.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Another totally bonkers low budget 80s Alien rip-off. But is it worth your time? Um…an evil fetal alien action finale says yes! Nov. 20 2013
By John's Horror Corner - Published on
Format: DVD Verified Purchase
It's the year 1998 (over ten years in the future at the time of production) and six years of WW III have created a world filled with dangerous mutants and flesh-melting acid rain. Trying to escape the latest deadly rainfall, survivors Bianca (Scream Queen Linnea Quigley; The Return of the Living Dead, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4), Kate (Kim McKamy/Ashlyn Gere; Dreamaniac and many adult films later in her career), Butch (Ken Abraham; The Forgotten, Hobgoblins), Jesse (Michael Aranda; El Chupacabra) and Jake seek refuge in an apparently abandoned underground lab. Now that the filmmakers have justified shooting the entire film inside of a beaten up warehouse and we've established the willingness of our actresses to disrobe, director David DeCoteau (Curse of the Puppet Master, Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge, Retro Puppet Master) has spun 72 minutes of grindhouse sci-fi/horror for us.

Some investigation reveals that essential amino acids research of some kind was being conducted down there. While this is merely suggestive of the development of a new bodybuilding protein supplement, in grindhouse films it's actually indicative of creating monstrous mutants--and our survivors are now trapped underground with one of them!

An interactive computer terminal, random goo in the ventilation ducts, a quasi-insectoid-humanoid monster, and a general boycott on wearing bras under women's white tank tops are all suggestive of an Alien/Aliens rip-off. Further substantiating this notion is that one crew member mutates, vomits and dies (a la John Hurt) during their first meal in the underground compound. Oh, there's more. Giant mutant rats create facehugger-like scenes (including when Newt and Ripley were locked in a room with one) and the mutant isn't exactly concerned with killing humans. Instead, it infects them (by urinating on them, perhaps? Hard to tell what happened) with its black goo. So that's where Prometheus got the black goo idea!

But have no fear. This rubber-suited menace (clearly designed to resemble H. R. Giger's xenomorph) is injected with some sort of protein antidote. But does that save the day? Not quite. It posthumously gives birth to something hybridizing a chestburster and an evil human fetus! It looks like one of the failed experiments from Alien Resurrection (1997).

This movie really covered its crazy bases. 1) It was made by an experienced schlockmaster and stars both a future prolific porn star and a prominent scream queen. 2) It rips off a classic and actually manages to do an entertaining job of it. 3) It goes so into the deep end of bonkers that it took ideas from Prometheus (2012) and Alien Resurrection (1997), and then traveled back in time to 1987 to pawn these ideas off as original. They should probably sue those other movies' filmmakers for taking their ideas. 4) This mutant monster movie was so infectiously bad that it mutated actress Kim McKamy into porn star Ashlyn Gere. 5) Oh, and there's an evil fetal baby alien action finale! Enough said!
9 of 13 people found the following review helpful
exploitation at its best Nov. 19 2004
By celica bound - Published on
Format: DVD
linnea quigley has to be the queen of scream there's are alot of females actesses that make that claim but linnea is the best.

Creepozoids is not one her best but worth adding to your linnea collection.I gave this movie a 5 stars because the ideal was there but sadly the budget was not.But anyway linnea is the best at what shes does and hopefully she will never change exploitation its her best trade.