Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High [Paperback]

When I obtained a copy of Crucial Conversations, I had very high expectations of this book having read the authors' outstanding earlier work, The Balancing Act. I must say I wasn't disappointed; in fact, I was delighted! Crucial Conversations is an extremely insightful and very practical book. Indeed, it is a very rare combination to find a book that contains profound ideas as well as provides actionable tools and Crucial Conversations delivers both.

The book addresses a topic that is largely misunderstood and vastly underestimated: high stakes dialogue. The authors define crucial conversations as those where 1) stakes are high, 2) opinions vary, and 3) emotions run strong, or in other words, much of both our professional and personal lives. We're all involved in crucial conversations at home and at work but most of us are not very aware of the interpersonal dynamics at play and/or we're unskilled in how to respond differently. The book helps the reader first understand the principles involved in "crucial conversations" but then also helps the reader develop real skills and abilities to choose or change their communication patterns. The end result is remarkable. The book's impact is a much bigger idea than simple communication--it's all about effective human interaction and getting results with and through people.

The book is highly readable, extremely engaging and actually quite fun. It is filled with illustrations and stories from all walks of life: business examples, personal examples and family examples. The fact that the principles and skills the authors teach can be applied in all dimensions of life--work, home, personal--is very appealing to me and made the book extremely helpful on many fronts.

I benefitted most from this book from a business standpoint and have found that applying these skills has made a real difference at work. I'm more courageous and more considerate at the same time. I understand people better but I especially understand myself better. I'm far more conscious and aware of my dialogue with others and I've greatly improved my skills and abilities to lead effectively. The bottom line is, I'm helping my company get better results and I'm far more effective personally. If more people in business were to apply these principles and skills in the frequent crucial conversations they have at work, they would make better decisions, achieve better results and do it all in a way that would build the trust and strengthen relationships. I couldn't give a book higher marks. Outstanding!

I ran across this book in the business section of my local bookstore while looking for help in having some difficult conversations with people who I like very much. I noticed that the forward to the book was written by Stephen R. Covey, authour of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which made me more comfortable in reading this.
This book brings interesting insights and easy readability together. Some many years ago, Howard Hughes hired a group of gifted engineers and told them that he wanted them to create a steam-driven car. After working for a number of years on the project they came up with a car which had a large piping system throughout the vehicle so that it could travel long distances. When they presented it to Mr. Hughes, his first question was 'What happens to the passengers if there is an accident?' The answer was that they would be scalded to death. Mr. Hughes had them cut up the prototype into pieces no bigger than three inches across.
We all have trouble starting and maintaining important conversations. Do you think the fault was in Mr. Hughes instructions or in the engineers forgetting that this was to be used by human beings? This intriguing book walks us through good crucial conversations, better crucial conversations and best crucial conversations.
It discusses to all kinds of situations from talking to your teenager to telling the boss something unpleasant about his/her behaviour. There are many actual tools to help you start the conversation, make it safe for everyone involved, ways to actually get a consensus of everyone's opinion and how to use the results to make better, more compatible relations with those concerned.
The reason that these conversations are so difficult is that the human system has been wired for survival. When we are faced with stressful situations we physically pour adrenaline into our systems in the fight or flight response. When that happens adrenaline sends blood and energy to our arms and legs and actually sends less to our brains. Our ability to think rationally is lessened and we don't control ourselves well. Humans tend to either become silent or violent when threatened. Neither of these helps to solve a problem or find a solution.
There are a number of tools to take back the situation so that you can all feel safe and take the time needed to find real solutions which work.
In this mode we also tend to extrapolate a lot of things from very little evidence and then make stories in our heads about the other person's motives. What about the wife who sees a bill on their credit card from the Good Night Motel? Her first thought may be that her husband is having an affair. If she allows herself to become upset and continue this story in her mind then she may be very angry when her husband comes home. The conversation will not be very logical or pleasant and may affect their lives for many years to come. What if the truth is that the same person who owns a Restaurant elsewhere in town also owns the motel and uses the same credit card system for both? That would be a very different situation.
To become a master at talking about the really important things and help you get the things you really want in life, this book is a must read. Prepare for high-stakes situations and transform anger and hurt feelings into powerful dialogue while making it safe to talk about almost anything.

I bought this book after I heard Dr. Glickman, the author of Optimal Thinking-How To Be Your Best Self, recommend it during an Optimal Thinking seminar. When I read that Dr. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, recommended this book too I knew that this was going to be a life-changing book for me. I was right. This book has given me a formula for handling myself and others correctly during tough interactions. I am embarrassed to admit that I sometimes yelled and degraded people when I did not get what I wanted from them. Now I use optimal thinking to put my best self in charge, start with heart, look for safety problems, make it safe, retrace my path, and take the other steps recommended in this book. The steps are simple and clear. I am not perfect at them yet, and might never be, but I have already come a long way. You can't go wrong with this book, so press the "Buy" button right now, and if you want to optimize your effectiveness in all areas of life, buy the other books I mentioned.