This is not really a movie. It's a cartoon. You know: where Wily Coyote gets a 500 lb weight dropped on him or gets flattened out by steam roller and then gets up and goes on to the next episode. Okay, it's a pirate movie, an entertainment so I wasn't expecting "realism" or believability throughout. However, there's a limit to the suspension of disbelief. When the stunts get too ridiculously outlandish, as in the carriage chase scene when Geena Davis goes over the awning and lands perfectly back in the driver's seat, the movie ceases to entertain. Also ridiculous: when Mathew Modine pulls a bullet out of Geena Davis' midsection and they immediately indulge in a bit of kissy face. It's so over the top I began to lose interest.
On the plus side: great scenery, lavish period costumes. A 'fifties-era pseudo-Copeland, pseudo-Stravinsky sound track. Best performance by far is that of Frank Langella. What a great bad guy! He did a superb job. And if you like things that blow up and go 'boom' there's enough to wet the most adolescent appetite.
What else makes this one such a dud? The insipid, post-modern dialog and sarcastic one-liners, especially out the mouth of the
insufferable Matthew Modine. Geena Davis' not inconsiderable acting ability is obliterated by the god-awful script.
SPOILER ALERT: In the end, when the 'good' pirates get the treasure and Morgan (Geena Davis) tells them they're all rich men and can retire in luxury, they all choose to follow her in pursuing a life of piracy, bad food and all. Yeah, right! (I'd have been up for a bit of wenching and carousing, myself). But since everything that preceded it is so totally preposterous, I suppose one more stupidity doesn't matter. And to top it off, no good sex scenes!
Avast, mates; go to the library and check out those old Erroll Flynn flicks.