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DEAD(ish) [Kindle Edition]

Naomi Kramer

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Product Description

Product Description

Linda's had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won't tell her what he did with her body, and she can't find the stupid thing herself. There's only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

Mike says:
"It was accidental. Just believe me. We were arguing, she told me I #### like a jellyfish (what the ####?), and I slapped her. ####, wouldn't you? Nothin' much, if she'd been a bloke she'da laughed in my face. But she fell off her stupid stilettos. That's all she was wearing, see, just stilettos and a coating of oil. ######, she stank like a #####house. But she said that, and she smirked. It was the smirk what did for me, but it was the high heels what did for Linda. She went sideways and lost her balance on the tall, stupid spiky things and went down, smacking her head on that fancy 'occasional table' with a nice meaty thump.
"She died 12 or so hours later. In her sleep. We'd called a truce and gone to bed and ####ed and fell asleep. I woke up clutching a dead-cold cadaver that wouldn't move so I could take a pulse."

Linda says:
"My name's Linda. I'm dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I'm dead for no good reason. I'm dead because my dumb#### boyfriend shot me and it hurt like hell and that's all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that's not the way it's supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can't move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE #### IT IS. Whereas, me? I don't know where my body is, and I'm not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some ####. I don't know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He'll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn't, I'll fire his #### and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue."

Trent says:
"Everybody's lying their #### off, and it's really starting to get annoying."


This is a very short work - novelette length - around 11000 words or 44 (print) pages.

Warning: Frequent foul language, mild sex scenes, and Australian spelling. Not suitable for children.

Product Details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 173 KB
  • Print Length: 46 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B003XVYJ2S
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #15,912 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 3.3 out of 5 stars  900 reviews
61 of 69 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Wickedly Funny Sept. 23 2010
By blondie - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This novella is not intended for the easily offended, but for those who want to laugh out loud on a short but sweet ride through Naomi Kramer's story. See, Linda's dead...ish. She's dead but she's stuck around here because she can't find her body and her lousy, murdering boyfriend won't tell her where it is. So what's a gal to do? Haunt him `til gives up the location. I loved the answer. Some how the author manages to create a balance between horror and humor. It's a quick read, so if you have an afternoon to yourself, pull up Deadish and enjoy some "frequent foul language, mild sex scenes, and Australian spelling."
29 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Story for a Short Read, Even Re-Read for enjoyment, 5 stars March 15 2011
By Cold In Seattle - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition
The formatting was perfect for the Kindle. Nary a grammatical nor sentence layout problem (not one worthy of highlighting, which I usually do.)

As one gets deeper into the book, one REALLY starts to relate to the characters involved with Linda - so paying close attention to parenthesized name changes is important, they all want to speak in the first person. Reads like a screen play, but I feel as if this is an original (can't really compare to any movie - but stand up British Comedy comes to mind). Since it revolves around characters and plots, not much in scene development - but doesn't distract from the story. I'm betting Naomi Kramer had a blast writing this short novella.

Formatting/Writing Style: 5 stars

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Character and Plot: Personally, I believe this was well written with the jumps in time points. I also appreciate British/Australian humor (okay, humour), and this book delivers. The language is appropriate for the fiction direction of the story, and the sex scenes are not THAT explicit. Development occurs throughout the book, and Linda does seem to be a bit ditzy (fickle minded?). I think there are some hormones left in there. Very good layout for a short story that jams some subplots to add mystery twists. The author is also respectful of different sexual orientations (be forewarned).

Character/Plot: 5 stars

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I received the book for free, but its worth 99 cents (maybe a little more). Certainly had more enjoyment than some of the Kindle Singles (shh, don't tell Amazon). Teaser Alerts: Mike isn't the only tormented soul in the story, and I love the play on words for the title.

The excerpt does not read as the same writing style, so I'm not sure of my reaction if I buy the second book. But do yourself a favor, buy yourself a little something.
24 of 30 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars When in doubt, see rule #1 Aug. 20 2010
By Christie - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This story was absolutely delicious! Darkly funny, and not too long, it is perfect for a rainy day and a few hours of uninterrupted reading.
My favorite quote:

"New Rule #1 - Don't date women who paint. Arty-farty doesn't just equal freaky in the sack, it also equals nasty genius revenge."

Linda is not a woman to be trifled with, and I felt sorry for Mike, until...well, you'll have to read it for yourself! My lips are sealed.
22 of 28 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Terrible Aug. 12 2011
By darkpandora - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I love vampire stories and ghost stories, but I found this book utterly uninteresting and badly-written. It reads as if the story was a quick sketch of what it should be. It is not a narration, it is only the exposition of successive scenes... and... that's it!
The characters have no consistancy, no depth, the author doesn't manage to bring them to life to the reader.
The girl is dead.... ok... a certain specific (gory) way... alright... and once again.... that's it! The reader expects to be given further details, the author wants to evoke horrible scenes then he should be able to handle the gore and describe it, make the reader scared, disgusted, or thilled. Reading this book is absolutely NO thrill! Yet, that's what the readers of ghost stories want.

As for the narrative, I found the use of the first-person narrative rather confusing as each character speaks at one point of the story, but it added nothing to the story and seemed just useless to the least, if not confusing.
I am not especially shocked by vulgar language, but it seems that the author knows only a few words and has decided to use the f-word extensively for some strange reason. Once again, if there was an accurate purpose behind that it would not be a problem, but here it is only vulgar and boring.
As for the style... there is none. Mentioning the name of some "dead writing authors" like Shakespeare is certainly not sufficient to make one's book good and one's style enjoyable. The author's writing is only plain, flat and has nothing thrilling either. I can't even recall one sentence being nicely written.

In the end, there was not one thing I liked about this book, except maybe the twisted title.
I suggest readers who expect more from ghost stories to pick up an Anne Rice book (of course) or one by Poppy Z. Brite, as they have everything this book is lacking, and so much more!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Creative twists keep it fresh Oct. 6 2010
By Craig Hansen - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
After reading DEAD(ish), which I got for free thanks to an Amazon-initiated sale, I felt I should give Naomi something back, so here's a review. DEAD(ish) is a longish short story or maybe a shortish short novel. Whatever you want to call it, it piqued my curiosity with its concept: a dead girl bugging a private eye to find her body so she can rest in peace.

Somehow, Naomi Kramer managed to juggle five main characters and tell the story from (if I counted right) three narrative voices and yet never allowed the story to drag or the perspective switches to become confusing. As an American reader, there were some Aussie words that threw me just a bit, but not too much.

The narrative is focused and lean; there's no unnecessary description, nor are there reams of burdensome and irrelevant backstory. The tale just kicks off and doesn't let up until it's done.

The book's central mystery - locating Linda's body - unravels nicely but doesn't tip its hand too early. Some pleasantly-played-out twists keep one guessing until just the right moment.

One thing bothers me about DEAD(ish), though. That is the portrayal of a male homosexual couple who seem too open to the idea of including a woman in their bedroom activities. That seemed a bit of a stretch of credibility, but as a straight male, I'm no expert.

The story's definitely not for reader's who are turned off by rough language or some mild sexual content (no worse than a Silhouette Romance, though, really). But if one possesses a dark sense of humor and wants a book that can eat up a couple-three hours some afternoon, DEAD(ish) is worth your time and your $0.99. I enjoyed the book enough, in fact, that even though I got DEAD(ish) free, I bought her other book, MAISY MAY, as soon as I finished DEAD(ish).

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