Last night, I finally finished reading The Death Worms of Kratos. Good God, that's one awful book, although it's often quite amusing because of its very badness. If ever a book needed the MST3K treatment, it's this one. The premise goes something like this: a team of genius ne'er do wells (the Expendables) are sent to the planet Kratos in order to ascertain whether or not it is suitable for an Earth colony. The captain, obviously written with Captain James T. Kirk in mind, bustles around trying to keep his team organized and having approved regulation sex with one another. The death worms themselves are reminiscent of the sand worms of Dune, and are described as looking like penises. One chapter goes into great detail concerning the erotic adventures of these worms, and the author obviously has great fun describing members (heh!) of the team riding around on these ambulatory phalluses of doom.
To give you an idea of the book's tone, I'll quote you an excerpt. This is in reference to Elizabeth James, an Expendable who gets killed by one of those oogly worms. The first town is being built for colonists who are enroute, and the team are discussing what the town should be named:
"It will be called Jamestown, in memory of Liz. Someday, I hope, someone will put up a statue of Elizabeth James in the main square. In fact we will require it. And the inscription will read: Elizabeth James, Expendable, who died proving Kratos."
"If he doesn't get the [...] right," said Andreas with feeling, "I'll come back to this place and stamp all over him. Liz was a great woman. She had magnificent [...]."
Why wasn't this made into a movie? I'd love to see Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo lambasting it!