Most helpful customer reviews
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A compelling novel, April 26 2006
I wondered if this novel would be a real "downer" as I knew it dealt with both autism and marital breakdown, but honestly it is one of those rare books that makes you laugh out loud, makes you cry a little, but pretty much compels you forward through the story as though you're in a race, because you just cannot put it down. Of course the subject of autism is fascinating, and if you want to see up-close what it might be like to have a child with autism, here's your chance. However, that is not what is so special about the book. What is so amazing is that even in the midst of all this tragedy, Leimbach can be so smart and funny and optimistic. Her heroine, Melanie, is beautifully developed, beginning as a kind of doormat for her alpha male, somewhat superficial husband, and ending as a real fighter who is able to see through most anybody and who certainly won't be manipulated anymore. The guy who falls in love with her (and who is also Daniel's teacher) is a quirky and totally unique character who you won't have met before in fiction - can't help but like him. There are all sorts of peripheral characters who are so interesting you wish the novel was twice as long to include their stories, especially mysterious Veena, who Melanie hires as a cleaner, loses track of, then befriends again in a new and more meaningful bond. All very compelling stuff, and the children are marvelously real. They come up with surprising, witty dialogue, even Daniel who is not able at first to speak. Amazing novel.
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5.0 out of 5 stars
Engaging and Heartbreaking, Jun 27 2006
"Physically, he is a most perfect child. He has cupid lips and a shy half-smile, skin the color of a ripe peach. He is lovely beyond imagination and I have failed him. I don't know how I could have let this happen, or how I can look up from the floor or ever raise my head or call him my own again, having let him down so badly. Baby, baby, please don't be sick, I hear my own voice in my head. Little boy, come back to me."
My 7 year old son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when he was 3 1/2. PDD-NOS is a nebulous term for a developmental delay on the Autism spectrum. Because it is a "spectrum" disorder, children may be severely autistic or high-functioning--and everything in between.
The "early years" were a nightmare. I think I would have panicked even more had I read Daniel Isn't Talking during that time. Like the fictitious Daniel, my son has an affinity (used to be obsession) with Thomas the Tank Engine and friends. To read about Daniel's affinity for this toy...how he screamed in terror at public restrooms because of the loud hand dryer...how his mother had to frantically distract him in the grocery store with "biscuits" (cookies) to avoid a meltdown... These scenarios are all too familiar for parents with an autistic child.
Author Marti Leimbach ehcoes the rage, confusion, and desperation that Moms (and some Dads) often feel as they watch their precious children spin, flap, and cry in a strange world...a world that some parents, unfortunately, may never penetrate.
If you have a child with autism, you will see your experience reflected on these pages. If you are someone who is unfamiliar with autism, do yourself a favor and get this book. Children, especially males, are being diagnosed with autism at an unprecedented number. The CDC and medical community try to say it's not the vaccinations, and yet, children lose their speech right after the MMR shot. They claim "well, our ability to diagnose has increased, that's why the numbers are spiking". Hello?! It doesn't take a brain surgeon to recognize autistic behavior...
I was in a restaurant a few weeks ago and saw a child have a metldown. Like Daniel, this boy had a "normal" older sister and two clean cut parents. I waatched as the patrons stared and judged this parents. My own son watched. Thankfully, my son doesn't act like that anymore and I say that not in arrogance, but in gratitude. His behavior used to tear me up and push me to the breaking point--especially since my husband and I had very little support outside of our little family (including babysitting or respite care).
A mother looked at me from a neighboring table and said "Aren't you glad that he doesn't act like that?", referring to my son.
My blood boiled.
I said "That boy over there has autism. My son does too. And he USED to act like that. It's not easy parenting an autistic child and they don't deserve our judgment."
She looked at me blankly, muttering to her tablemates "Children like that should be removed when they act like that. When I was a kid..."
Ignorance, not compassion...which is par for the course here in America.
The reason I tell this story is because Marti Leimbach tells similar stories, but with a literary genius I don't have. The story itself, written in first person point of view, is an absorbing read on its own. But because she describes the "secret lives" of autistic mothers with such exquisite prose(although Daniel is the central character), it's an important social commentary, as well.
The guilt, the doctors, ABA, play therapy, the second guessing, the panic, the patience, the jubilation at the milestones, the stares, the rejection, the ignorance of bystanders, the grief--it's all here.
Thank you, Marti, for writing this book--and giving voice to the private hells of many.
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2 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Every Voice Counts, April 24 2006
Melanie Marsh, an American living in England copes with a husband who is growing ever more distant; a bright 4-year-old daughter, Emily and son Daniel, who is 3. Daniel's autism is the sun which the story revolves; Daniel's delayed speech is the heart of the story. Emily copes well with her brother and attempts to play with him and talks to him. Daniel, who had developed normally until he was 19 months old, became nonverbal; walked on his toes; insisted on nursing until he was 3 and almost never slept through a night. Melanie is desperate to find interventive treatment for Daniel and spare him from attending a special school. Her husband Stephen, however bangs on the drum for such a school placement for their son. Their marriage erodes; Emily is devastated at not having Stephen in their home. She is enrolled at a prestigious preschool at Stephen's insistence. I just loved it when Emily said her favorite part was coming home at the end of the day. Autism is presented in a very realistic way. Daniel's placement on the spectrum is insidious and gradual. Readers share Melanie's sorrow and frustration in coping with Daniel's behavior and her soldierly efforts to encourage speech in her child. Melanie is quite astute about autism; she suggests that perhaps many of the children in her area's autism program have allergies to milk and might do better on soy/rice milk or goat's milk. As is expected, she is dismissed and her suggestion is summarily rejected. In FIGHTING FOR TONY by Mary Callahan is about a young man whose autism was caused by an allergy to milk. Tony, born in 1978 has been free of autism for the majority of his life once milk was excluded from his diet and many more experts are now exploring the causal link of a lactose allergy in some autistics. However, not all people with autism have this allergy. Daniel makes his round of specialists. The first speech therapist is an overbearing woman with a fourth child on the way who talks at Daniel and discounts everything Melanie tells her. Melanie's instincts and suggestions are dead on, but the "specialist" refuses to even ackowledge the validity of a mother's account. Some specialist! To add insult to injury, the woman tells Melanie not to seek the help of an Andy O'Connor. She warns Melanie that O'Connor is a maverick lacking proper credentials. How unethical and unprofessional to discuss another specialist in this fashion and to a client! Since she is such a bust, naturally Melanie seeks Andy O'Connor out and one cannot help loving this clever man whose natural instincts work wonders with Daniel. O'Connor applies common sense along with the ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) approach; he confides that his oldest brother had Kanner's Autism and remained nonverbal his entire life. A funny, delighful character, Andy O'Connor brightens up the Marshs' lives. He helps Melanie toilet train Daniel and his work with the family brings them all strides forward. Naturally, a romance develops which is not suprising. Melanie does end up with a partner, but not the one I hoped she'd pick. All in all, a good story about a child with autism from a mother's perspective.
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