Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You [Paperback]

I've read this book twice and I wanted to write a review because I found reading other women's experiences with a book and applying their personal situations to it very helpful. This book is not as breezy and whimsical as other self-help books on dating a "divorced/divorcing" man with kids, but it is very thorough, sympathetic and right on about a lot of things that we women go through (in my case, dating a "divorcing" man, which is the riskiest of them all!) Before I read the book, I was mostly confused, insecure, and frustrated about always coming second to his kids and his divorce; always waiting for the phone to ring and not sure whether I could have a weekend getaway or a holiday with my man. I wanted more - but felt I couldn't demand more because I didn't want to add more pressure in his life. And when I just didn't care and went on with my life (work, friends, hobbies and travels) I felt guilty! I felt I was abandoning him, during the time when he needed me the most. Wrong! Rather than feeling bad all the time, the book taught me how to be true to myself and put "me" first. To put enough distance to see where his divorce ends up (not get involved with all the messy details...) and to not push things too soon. Compared to other self help books on the subject, the author never wants you to become second best; to be disrespected at any time or to be taken for granted...you should be treated an equal, especially once the relationship takes a serious turn. Kids need parenting and time and effort, totally understandable. But you shouldn't compromise your own needs for them. In a nutshell, the author gives women more value than what they feel they deserve. I will never forget her input/output notion: if the input far outweighs the output then maybe the relationship is not worth it. And if you will go through all the challenges and struggles of dating a divorced/divorcing man...he should be "fabulous" and totally worth it. This was great and helped me muddle through all the confusion.

Dr. Christie Hartman's "Dating the Divorced Man" gives single women a no-nonsense manual for getting to know this key demographic in the dating world. With specific examples, she clearly defines the different states of separated/divorcing/divorced men and the challenges that they can present. That said, she also leaves room for mature women to make their own choices based on what each individual is comfortable with, which is much more helpful than a black-and-white instruction book in this murky area. I recommend her book to any single woman -- if you wait until you're already dating a divorced man to read it, you may have made key mistakes already!

For me, for a book titled, "Dating The Divorced Man," this book focused WAY too much on dating a man who is separated or going through a divorce. I expected and needed more info on dating a man who just got out of a divorce. Good thing I didn't pay the full, "new" price.

By the way, my subject man started dating too soon after his divorce and the result was exactly what his counselor told him would happen if he didn't wait at least six months - or ideally, a year. He DID ruin the relationship and he DID end up hurting me tremendously. Things were fine for months, then it was suddenly as if he woke up and discovered he was half of a couple and wasn't prepared for that and didn't want it, leaving me in the dust of "I'd like to just be friends. I want to date around," after he'd told me he loved me. Thanks a lot; I could've done without that.

DON'T DATED MEN WHO ARE SEPARATED, GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE OR HAVE GOTTEN A DIVORCE IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS.