.....it's supposed to finish with "Yes" but some dude, whom I now hate, stole it. Have you ever wondered what would happen if Krug from Last House on the Left decided he wanted to start a biker gang, and then sieged upon the house of a now nazied up Roger Patterson? Me too. Thankfully the cast and crew of this sleaze fest thought it high time to answer this plaguing question.
Dear God No! follows Jett and his biker gang, the Impalers, on a booze-filled, mostly Pabst Blue Ribbon(something tells me that weren't exactly looking for product placement), and tampon-filled, romp accompanied with rape, murder, and excessive drug use, and more rape and murder. After a quick bit of patricide, the rapscallions seek out the whereabouts of a couple who made the mistake of crossing their path. But the gang is in for something much more than an impromtu cesarean as a creature waits patiently, well not so much patiently, this movie won't exactly be known for its slow-burning atmosphere.
This movie had me tingling like a little twihard salivating for the pasty skin of a metrosexual glittery vampire. It had it all. Nazis, dead nuns, cheesy dialogue, children being killed, (again)murder and rape, bigfoot, and topless hotties donning Richard Nixon masks. Why would a topless chick wear a Nixon mask, you ask? Why wouldn't they wear a Nixon mask? In fact, because of this movie any unfortunate woman crazy enough to end up with me will undoubtedly be exclaiming with passion the phrase "I am not a crook!". I almost forgot to mention the mother-daughter incest. Yeah! Now I got your attention! Man, if my mom was that hot I'd went dw....wait no I wouldn't. Mom, please stop reading this.
In all honesty, when I first heard of this movie I wrote it off as just another insipid Grindhouse inspired dv dreck, masked with an excessive amount of old film filters. Upon learning that it was actually shot on 16mm I had to recant my thoughts and check out the trailer. That's all it took. If you have an affinity for exploitation, flat out sleaze from the 70s, and the most politically incorrect humor, then this beautiful beast is for you, a sickening concoction of the different flicks you could find from this era neatly wrapped up in 80 minutes of pure debauchery. In short, would I recommend it? NO! I require it!! And if you refuse, well you've read the review so that would make you a witness, and we all know what happens to a witness.