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Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed Paperback – Mar 1 2008

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications (March 1 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572245190
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572245198
  • Product Dimensions: 22.8 x 15.1 x 1 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 227 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #174,988 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

Everyone knows a narcissist, one of those vainglorious individuals in desperate need of constant affirmation and attention. Cognitive therapist Behary's book argues that by modifying your own behavior, you can manage your relationship with such a person. Separating narcissism into categories (spoiled, dependent, deprived and combinations thereof) and exploring the causes of the disorder, the author hopes to assist the reader in overcoming the emotional obstacles involved in interaction with a boss, spouse, friend or relative. Rather than focus on changing the narcissist (which may be impossible), this book aims to help the reader improve self-knowledge to see why the narcissist pushes his or her buttons and how to cope. Some of the instruments Behary provides—such as checklists, flash cards, journal writing— are useful for determining the type of narcissist you are dealing with and how your past experiences affect your responses. The author acknowledges that her book is no panacea, and she doesn't present the reader with strategies for when the narcissist isn't responsive to the actions she has suggested. Notwithstanding this caveat, Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation. (Mar.)
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"For the practicing clinician there is perhaps no other group of clients more difficult to work with or that generates more fear and feelings of inadequacy than narcissists. In Disarming the Narcissist, Behary has provided both the theoretical knowledge and practical advice necessary for clinicians to understand, empathize and, thus, help this challenging group of clients and their partners. Her "disarmingly" straightforward, accessible style and impressive clinical experience make this a very valuable book indeed."--William M. Zangwill, Ph.D., director of EMDR Associates

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Customer Reviews

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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By DoTell on Sept. 29 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I ordered this book at the same time as I ordered four other well known books about BPD and NPD, and for me this one ends up being the worst by a wide margin. The last half of the book I had a hard time forcing myself to continue -- I couldn't find anything in it that wasn't paternalistic, stereotyped and clichéd, and the florid writing, along with the endless repetitions common to the academic style, made me wince.

I admit that this sounds harsh, and perhaps I feel this way because I've done a lot of reading in this area already and was hoping for something unique (which I didn't find); but I've also done my share of professional technical writing. This book was bad on both counts: it seemed to have little unique to contribute, and to be written by someone who was in love with hearing themselves speak. (Though there was at least some grim ironic pleasure in that final thought, given the subject of the book.)

For comparison, the other books I read around the same time were:

"Understanding The Borderline Mother" by Lawson
"The Narcissistic Family" by Pressman and Donaldson-Pressman
"Reinventing Your Life" by Young and Klosko and
"Stop Walking On Eggshells, Second Edition" by Kreger and Mason.

I'd give the first three all 8/10, SWOE 5 or 6/10, and this book 3/10.
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful By Joan Lafleur on Jan. 28 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Very interesting book as it explains the Narcisstic traits and highlights your own enabling schemas, once you face your own memories and conditioning, you will release your old memories and adapt new beliefs for yourself, you will realize that you and the N in your life share some schemas like subjugation and self esteem issues, that's one reason why you usually take the abuse and feel hurt...The book gives good techniques to use when facing the Narcisstic's abusive behavior, you mostly need to stay conscious and aware of the N's patterns and conditions (at the same time as yours) and react appropriately instead of reacting defensively (as you used to), you will be able to do that once you have developed compassion towards yourself and towards the N in your life. I get the impression that this is not an impossible mission but it may take long and hard work to get the Narcisstic to take responsibility for their actions and verbal abuse then correct them, you will get no where if you keep reacting defensively and hurt the N back, it is like hurting a child (because that is what they are inside) you need to almost learn to educate them once again using a loving and compassionate language. I am in a relationship with a N and am still in the exploration phase, I used to feel hurt and suffer so much, I am now at a phase where I feel detached from whatever the N says but it is still tough at times (when you don't expect it!), I am trying to learn to develop my communication skills, this is great effort. I find the exercise worthwhile because weither the relationship remains or not, I would have overcome my own issues and learnt how to face abusive behavior.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Christine Levesque on April 14 2013
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This book was a very insightful, interesting read. It gave me a lot of perspective on the inner world of a narcissist. I did however, have to do research beyond this book in order to better understand my role in the narcissist's life.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Fablexus TOP 500 REVIEWER on Oct. 1 2013
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Just WAY too much focus on not becoming a punching bag than on solving the problem itself. Thanks, but walking on eggshells I've got down pat.
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