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Divorce Poison: Protecting The Parent/Child Bond From A Vindictive Ex Paperback – Feb 6 2003

33 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Paperbacks; 1 edition (Feb. 6 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060934573
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060934576
  • Product Dimensions: 15.6 x 2 x 23.5 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 408 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #570,988 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

In Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex, Richard A. Warshak (The Custody Revolution) offers guidance to parents whose exes portray them to their children in a negative light, whether it's mild, off-the-cuff badmouthing or systematic character assassination. Common psychological wisdom, besides recommending that parents avoid fighting fire with fire, suggests doing nothing. But Warshak has witnessed the feelings of powerlessness and the increasing difficulties that come from doing nothing. So he provides "a blueprint for an effective response grounded in a solid understanding of the techniques and dynamics of parents who poison their children's relationships with loved ones." After describing numerous nuances of inter-parental malignment (brainwashing, false abuse accusations, revisionist history, etc.), Warshak moves on to "Poison Control," both independently and with the help of professional counselors. This book will seem a godsend to the many divorc‚s who are bashed by their ex-spouses. (Regan Books, $26 304p ISBN 0-06-018899-5; Jan.)

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

Some level of animosity is typical in divorce, but when parents let those feelings degenerate into bad-mouthing, bashing, or brainwashing, they run the risk of emotionally damaging their children, according to child psychologist Warshak. He looks at the poisonous relationships that develop when parents carry criticism of their ex-spouses too far: parents and children estranged from one another, protracted and bitter custody and visitation battles, and even ruined relationships with the extended families. He uses case studies to illustrate how parents--sometimes unconsciously, sometimes deliberately--force children to choose between them and turn against the other parent. He describes a range of difficulties, from tainted parent-child relationships to an emotional disturbance known as parental alienation syndrome. Warshak offers strategies for parents to examine their motivations when they speak against a former spouse, to curb negative impulses, and to repair damage that may already have been done. Useful resource for families dealing with divorce and child rearing. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Inside This Book

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Your ex-spouse is bad-mouthing you to the children, often or constantly portraying you in a negative light, perhaps even trying to turn the children against you. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on Oct. 17 2004
Format: Paperback
I picked up this book after our court appointed custody evaluator suggested it might be helpful. I was amazed, it was like seeing my life on paper. I only wished that someone had suggested the book to me earlier. It is a must read for any high conflict divorcing parent, it helps you understand your ex's motives as well as your own. I saw things about me as well, that I did not realize. My children are now better off that I had the opportunity to read this book. I know that I cannot change my ex's behaviour, but I can change mine and this book has allowed me to recognize and react appropriately to what was happening to our family. I feel lucky, this book changed how I saw things and I learnt to deal with things before it was too late. I was also lucky to have a court appointed evaluator who also recognized the symptons of PAS.
I told my lawyer about it and she bought it right away. A must read.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Carmine Palmieri, Ph.D. on Sept. 9 2003
Format: Paperback
Divorce poison is a beacon of hope on the sea of psychbabble and legalese dealing with parental alienation. Unlike other books, it does explain this phenomenon, the damage it does to children, and what to do about it! PAS is a form of child abuse. In my work as a consultant with with a Family Court in Michigan, my colleagues and I have dealt with hundreds of cases of alienation over the past 20 years. Few books have impacted me as this one. It is not only soundly researched, but most of all it demonstrates that wisdom can be written in plain English. Bravo Dr. Warshak!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By A Mother on March 3 2015
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book is beneficial for both mothers and fathers dealing with divorces where there may be antagonism and high emotions. Many parents might not even be aware of what they are doing to their kids and their ex as they are caught up in their own suffering and venting or what have you during a rocky separation/divorce. This book can also help you make sure you don't fall prey to retaliation to divorce poison either, and handle the situation more constructively.

Whether you suspect that divorce poison may just be starting or have a full blown case and have been estranged from your children for some time, this book can help you. It may be particularly useful for parents who refuse to play the kind of dirty pool their ex is playing with the children, but end up suffering the loss or diminishing of a relationship with their children as a result of taking the high ground. The sad irony with divorce poison is that it is the parent who tries to take the high ground and not turn the kids against their ex who suffers the most. The good news in this book is that you do not have to fight fire with fire -- there is a way out of the labyrinth of smoke and mirrors that your ex may have set up for your kids -- and you can find reasonable ways to help your kids reconnect with you, no matter how estranged they seem. I have used several of the techniques and advice in this book and it has resulted in an improvement in my own relationship with my daughters, whose respect and care for me their father has been eroding for years, to the point of serious issues and fractured relationships. Within a short amount of time of reading the book and employing the various techniques and suggestions I have seen distinct and very positive results.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By J Kiser on June 14 2004
Format: Paperback
Not only will this book provide you with the tools to help your children and yourself, it will help you to understand why the alienating parent does the things they do. I have read many books and articles on alienation, Dr. Warshak's is far superior to anything I have seen thus far. The book is informative and based on his interaction with people suffering this devastating experience. It is not opinionated but honest and comforting. I went so far as to e-mail Dr. Warshak this last Saturday. We are relocating as soon as this custody nightmare is over and I wanted to find therapists that specialize in alienation issues near where we are moving. Dr. Warshak responded personally to my plea for help 3 hours later, not only giving me names of psychologists, but also giving me some reassuring advice. My husband and I have spent the last 4 months keeping quiet, on the advice of our attorney and family therapist, but we were wrong to do so. This book has taught us how to respond to our alienated children, while still taking the high road.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Geoffrey Halston on Feb. 11 2004
Format: Hardcover
After reading this book, my only complaint was that it spoke to those with an income who can afford an attorney and one to several therapists. This may be okay for those with such an income, but for the rest of us, that option is not approachable.
typically, it is the mother who is granted full legal and physical custody, and it is the father who is left to pay child support and medical expenses. Few of us fathers have the financial resources to hire a good attorney, let alone a therapist.
The author does a good job of addressing the issue of alienation. Because visitation time is usually so limited, there is ample time for a vindictive ex, who spends the most amount of time with the children, to blatantly or subtly turn the children against the other parent. The author does a good job of giving the parent the skills to stop the process of alienation. This book is a must read.
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