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Divorce Poison: Protecting The Parent/Child Bond From A Vindictive Ex [Paperback]

Richard Warshak
4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)

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Divorce Poison New And Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing Divorce Poison New And Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing 4.9 out of 5 stars (28)
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Book Description

Feb. 6 2003

Your ex-spouse is bad-mouthing you to your children, perhaps even trying to turn them against you. If you handle the situation ineffectively, you could lose your children’s respect, their affection -- even, in extreme cases, contact with them.

Backed by twenty-five years of experience in helping families, Dr. Richard Warshak presents powerful strategies for dealing with everything from tainted parent-child relationships in which children are disrespectful or reluctant to show their affection to disturbances in which children virtually disown an entire side of the family.

Divorce Poison offers advice on how to:

  • Recognize early warning signs of trouble
  • React if your children refuse to see you
  • Respond to rude and hateful behavior
  • Avoid the seven most common errors made by rejected parents
  • This groundbreaking work gives parents powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with their children and provides legal and mental-health professionals with practical advice to help their clients and ensure the welfare of children.

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    Product Details

    Product Description

    From Publishers Weekly

    In Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex, Richard A. Warshak (The Custody Revolution) offers guidance to parents whose exes portray them to their children in a negative light, whether it's mild, off-the-cuff badmouthing or systematic character assassination. Common psychological wisdom, besides recommending that parents avoid fighting fire with fire, suggests doing nothing. But Warshak has witnessed the feelings of powerlessness and the increasing difficulties that come from doing nothing. So he provides "a blueprint for an effective response grounded in a solid understanding of the techniques and dynamics of parents who poison their children's relationships with loved ones." After describing numerous nuances of inter-parental malignment (brainwashing, false abuse accusations, revisionist history, etc.), Warshak moves on to "Poison Control," both independently and with the help of professional counselors. This book will seem a godsend to the many divorc‚s who are bashed by their ex-spouses. (Regan Books, $26 304p ISBN 0-06-018899-5; Jan.)

    Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

    --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

    From Booklist

    Some level of animosity is typical in divorce, but when parents let those feelings degenerate into bad-mouthing, bashing, or brainwashing, they run the risk of emotionally damaging their children, according to child psychologist Warshak. He looks at the poisonous relationships that develop when parents carry criticism of their ex-spouses too far: parents and children estranged from one another, protracted and bitter custody and visitation battles, and even ruined relationships with the extended families. He uses case studies to illustrate how parents--sometimes unconsciously, sometimes deliberately--force children to choose between them and turn against the other parent. He describes a range of difficulties, from tainted parent-child relationships to an emotional disturbance known as parental alienation syndrome. Warshak offers strategies for parents to examine their motivations when they speak against a former spouse, to curb negative impulses, and to repair damage that may already have been done. Useful resource for families dealing with divorce and child rearing. Vanessa Bush
    Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

    Inside This Book (Learn More)
    First Sentence
    Your ex-spouse is bad-mouthing you to the children, often or constantly portraying you in a negative light, perhaps even trying to turn the children against you. Read the first page
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    Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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    Customer Reviews

    3 star
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    4.9 out of 5 stars
    4.9 out of 5 stars
    Most helpful customer reviews
    7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Alienated Mom Oct. 17 2004
    By A Customer
    I picked up this book after our court appointed custody evaluator suggested it might be helpful. I was amazed, it was like seeing my life on paper. I only wished that someone had suggested the book to me earlier. It is a must read for any high conflict divorcing parent, it helps you understand your ex's motives as well as your own. I saw things about me as well, that I did not realize. My children are now better off that I had the opportunity to read this book. I know that I cannot change my ex's behaviour, but I can change mine and this book has allowed me to recognize and react appropriately to what was happening to our family. I feel lucky, this book changed how I saw things and I learnt to deal with things before it was too late. I was also lucky to have a court appointed evaluator who also recognized the symptons of PAS.
    I told my lawyer about it and she bought it right away. A must read.
    Was this review helpful to you?
    4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars saving children Sept. 9 2003
    Divorce poison is a beacon of hope on the sea of psychbabble and legalese dealing with parental alienation. Unlike other books, it does explain this phenomenon, the damage it does to children, and what to do about it! PAS is a form of child abuse. In my work as a consultant with with a Family Court in Michigan, my colleagues and I have dealt with hundreds of cases of alienation over the past 20 years. Few books have impacted me as this one. It is not only soundly researched, but most of all it demonstrates that wisdom can be written in plain English. Bravo Dr. Warshak!
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    1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars A Roadmap to Relief June 14 2004
    By J Kiser
    Not only will this book provide you with the tools to help your children and yourself, it will help you to understand why the alienating parent does the things they do. I have read many books and articles on alienation, Dr. Warshak's is far superior to anything I have seen thus far. The book is informative and based on his interaction with people suffering this devastating experience. It is not opinionated but honest and comforting. I went so far as to e-mail Dr. Warshak this last Saturday. We are relocating as soon as this custody nightmare is over and I wanted to find therapists that specialize in alienation issues near where we are moving. Dr. Warshak responded personally to my plea for help 3 hours later, not only giving me names of psychologists, but also giving me some reassuring advice. My husband and I have spent the last 4 months keeping quiet, on the advice of our attorney and family therapist, but we were wrong to do so. This book has taught us how to respond to our alienated children, while still taking the high road.
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    1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good Help Dealing With a Manipulative Ex Feb. 11 2004
    After reading this book, my only complaint was that it spoke to those with an income who can afford an attorney and one to several therapists. This may be okay for those with such an income, but for the rest of us, that option is not approachable.
    typically, it is the mother who is granted full legal and physical custody, and it is the father who is left to pay child support and medical expenses. Few of us fathers have the financial resources to hire a good attorney, let alone a therapist.
    The author does a good job of addressing the issue of alienation. Because visitation time is usually so limited, there is ample time for a vindictive ex, who spends the most amount of time with the children, to blatantly or subtly turn the children against the other parent. The author does a good job of giving the parent the skills to stop the process of alienation. This book is a must read.
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    1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
    By Jeff
    I never thought it could happen to me, I was so close to my 3 boys, and they loved me. What happened? If I had read this, and heard about PAS earlier, maybe I would have been more insistant on getting my time with my kids. The ex has denied access so much, and now the kids are acting like I never thought they could. For the first time in his life, by boy won't look me in the eyes. And last week he said he did not want to see me.
    I read just the first 3 Chapters in this book so far, but am sure to read it all. Anyone who has an alienating ex needs this advice. I strongly urge you to read this book.
    Was this review helpful to you?
    1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
    By A Customer
    I cried when I read this book. My kids have been alienated from me for 11 years by a vindictive ex. I have never felt so understood as I did after reading Dr. Warshak's book. It was like getting a big hug from someone who FINALLY understands all the subtlties of parental alienation. This should be required reading for every divorcing parent, law guardian, divorce lawyer, and judge. I'm amazed that he had this much insight into a problem that most people do not understand. I've recommended it to every friend whose children are alienated due to a vindictive ex.
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    5.0 out of 5 stars The One Book on Divorce you Need to Read July 15 2002
    If you should read one book on divorce and the impact on children, this is the one!
    This outstanding book provides great advice for parents who are badmouthing other parents, as well as ways the target parents can combat this abuse. Unlike "experts" who have not researched the most effective ways of combatting this type of child abuse, Dr. Warshak has determined through studies that parents who do nothing and say nothing are at risk for eventually losing contact with their children.
    Dr. Warshak carefully navigates the misconception that alienation is typically a "woman thing" by citing examples of fathers who alienate. In doing this, the author is able to assure readers that the book is indeed written "in the best interests of children," and not for any gender-based political agenda.
    Dr. Warshak's outlook on children, parenting and custody is refreshing and should be required reading for every family court judge, every family law attorney and every person going through a divorce. The author argues very succinctly and very successful that the two parents who were so vital to the welfare and growth of the children during the marriage are just as vital after the divorce. He also illustrates how family courts and mental health experts remove children from the target parent at the first sign of alienation -- which is the exact opposite of what actually works in these cases.
    Dr. Warshak argues that target parents need time to rebuild this relationship -- to show that they are not the parent depicted in the diatribes of the parent who is attempting to alienate. Instead, courts typically accept irrational reasons from a child for not wanting to see a parent without examining the root causes for the alienation.
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    Most recent customer reviews
    5.0 out of 5 stars Essential Reading
    A book that should be read before marital separation if possible. Never underestimate an ex's potential to use your children as a weapon against you when a marriage fails.
    Published 6 months ago by D. Bell
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very interesting and empowering book.
    I recommend to anyone going through separation/divorce with kids. I have not read it to the end yet but so far am fascinated by what I have learned.
    Published 18 months ago by Margaret Kwiatkowska
    4.0 out of 5 stars divorce poison
    This is a very good book. I really enjoyed this book and I would recommend it to anyone going through a divorce.
    Published 18 months ago by Marlene Perry
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful!
    I really appreciated this book, the author is clearly an expert on the topic. There are plenty of concrete examples and specific things to try for people who are in this situation. Read more
    Published 23 months ago by Ren´┐e Landry
    5.0 out of 5 stars Outstanding Book
    My granddaughter has alienated herself from our family under the influence of her mother. Before reading this excellent book, I suspected that she had been brainwashed, but knew... Read more
    Published on July 11 2004
    5.0 out of 5 stars For all divorcing parents
    This book is written for all divorcing parents, whether cooperative or not. Easy to read and enlightening. Embedded helpful suggestions. Uplifting and inspiring success stories. Read more
    Published on June 16 2004 by Reviewer
    4.0 out of 5 stars Great perspectives on root causes and motivations
    This book was a great read for offering explanations as to root causes of behavior and for understanding different motivating factors. Read more
    Published on Dec 29 2003
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