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Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction Paperback – Mar 1 1992


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Frequently Bought Together

Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction + Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction + Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 448 pages
  • Publisher: Bantam; Reprint edition (March 1 1992)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0553351389
  • ISBN-13: 978-0553351385
  • Product Dimensions: 13.3 x 2.4 x 21 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 386 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #88,653 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

In Carnes's diagnosis, sexual addiction is marked by compulsive, self-destructive behavior and takes many forms, such as child abuse, sadomasochism, reliance on erotic fantasy as a coping mechanism, obsession with one individual, anonymous sexual encounters or cycles of disastrous affairs alternating with sexual binging. Behavior therapist Carnes ( Out of the Shadows ) and fellow researchers targeted some 1000 sexual addicts and their "co-dependent" partners through surveys and interviews. Those who suspect that they may be sexually addicted, or know someone who is, should read this clear, helpful, well-organized guide. It shows that sexual compulsives come from all walks of life, and its advice-giving testimonies by recovered and recovering persons, combined with the author's clinical insights, point the way toward healing twisted relationships and reclaiming healthy sexuality.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From the Publisher

"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative, pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are changing the lives of thousands!"

"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs." "I became suicidal because of multiple intense involvements." "I spent money on sex when I needed it for children's clothes." "I lost promotion opportunities and a special scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex life." Ever day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, fiancés, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were abused as children--sexually, physically or emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but their fiercest battle is with the most astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking work by the nation's leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder. This essential volume includes not only the revealing findings of Dr. Carne's research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and practical, Don't Call It Love is a landmark book that helps us better understand all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path to recovery.

"This clear, helpful, well-organized guide... points the way toward healing twisted relationships and reclaiming healthy sexuality."--Publishers Weekly


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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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Most helpful customer reviews

By A Customer on Nov. 20 2001
Format: Paperback
The world would be a remarkably better place if "Don't Call it Love" could be required reading for all humanity.
This book documents the results of a study that looked at people who identified themselves as tending to act in a compulsive manner sexually. There is no shame here, no accusations, and no demands, simply concurrent statements of fact. This was Carnes' study and these are the results.
If you've ever wondered, ever even suspected, by the time you finish this book you will know for sure, one way or the other.
I also read "Out of the Shadows," by Carnes. It rang true in the same way, and I've found that many people can finish it in one sitting. "Don't call it love" takes longer, but is much more comprehensive. I strongly reccomend buying both, starting with "Out of the Shadows" and then moving on to this one.
Bottom Line; whether or not you or someone you know struggles with sexually compulsive behavior, what you will learn from this book will help you understand the psycology of addiction and make you a more compassionate human being.
Far and away the best book on the topic I have ever read.
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Format: Paperback
His explanantion and discussion of addiction, in particular his explanantion of the Additive Model of Addiction, is worth the price of the book all by itself (actually, the book is a real bargain for the price). He discusses clearly the etiology of the sex addict, relating how a person becomes involved in compulsive sexual acting out and why, and includes resource references, such as contact nos. for SCA, SA, SLAA, et al.
His "Out of the Shadows" is also a very good book on this topic, but in treating the topic of addiction, he stays within the confines of sexual addiction, and so if you are new to learning about addictions, some points may be lost on you. They are both worth getting and reading (I have both), but if you want to buy only one, and are wondering which to get, I recommend this one over OOTS-- but only because it treats both addiction in general as well as what it looks like in the context of sex. Thus I feel this book is more comprehensive.
If you even suspect you may have a sexual compulsion, buy this book and decide about yourself for yourself.
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Format: Paperback
This book sheds light into the many dark places where sex addiction is home. The fact that it was written from compilation of surveys from 1000 sex addicts in recovery, gives it unique credibility, many helpful insights and advise. It describes and offers advice for early recovery, a year into recovery, later in recovery. It tells what they felt were the difficult barriers, what worked and what didn't. This could be extremely valuable to those considering or starting recovery, or returning to recovery after an absence. Knowledge in this book is comforting. There is plenty of hope for those of us who need this.
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Format: Paperback
A follow up to "Out of the Shadows", Patrick Carnes carries his message even further. This topic, much less his in depth discussions are not brought up in churches today. He basis his ideas on years of experience with patients from all walks of life. We don't think of sex as an addiction but it is the most difficult addiction to break. Patrick Carnes shows how Christians can be sucessful at this. I would give it 5 stars, but some parts of the book is difficult to read (unless you are a reader).
Women, buy it for your husbands, sons, boyfriends, and friends.
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By Sanzo on Jan. 18 2003
Format: Paperback
As an addictions counselor and author, I found Carnes's work to be very insigtful and helpful. He has done a wonderful job highlighting a problem that is not often discussed and certainly misunderstood. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about sexual addiction. Please be sure to include this title as part of your recovery.
John D. Moore
Author of Confusing Love with Obsession
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By A Customer on May 15 2000
Format: Paperback
This book is an excellent first book to read on the subject for someone trying to understand sexual addiction in a loved one, or even for someone who finally found a "name" for their behavior. It is very factual and easy to understand. Patrick Carnes also uses analogies and stories to help you understand the grip and consequences of this strong-holding addiction.
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