Don't Tell Alfred [Paperback]

As the tale "Don't Tell Alfred" unfolds, the shyly inconspicuous Fanny Wincham is consciously aware the times are changing. The familiar culture, landmarks, and mores codified between the two world wars that which have encapsulated her from birth to marriage, are fast vanishing. Her aging Uncle Matthew's small living quarters in London is the only place where vestiges of the old Alconleigh remain. The middle-aged Fanny is resigned to the fate she would never rise above the bread-and butter-world of her acquaintances. So she thinks.

Out of the decaying and languorous orbit of the Oxford life, Fanny and husband Alfred Wincham are thrust into the ostentatious realm of the beau monde and political spotlight. This is due, unexpectedly, of having Alfred appointed as Britain's Ambassador to France. Nothing in her experience could have prepared Fanny to assume the unwonted role of Ambassadress in the City of Light.

No sooner after the Winchams have been installed, the dottiness of the ex-ambassadress and Fanny's children and niece have caused much consternation. These domestic disruptions include animal (lobster) rights to Zen Buddhists going about barefooted on embassy grounds, and all the while across the channel two particular Etonites are missing - last seen riding out of the school grounds in a Rolls Royce.

If these youthful indiscretions were not discretely managed, they could have a deleterious effect on the new Ambassador. The job of damage-control falls naturally on the new Ambassadress, whose modus operandi, to the extent practicable, is: "Don't Tell Alfred."

***

In "Don't Tell Alfred", Nancy Mitford, author of the two earlier Alconleigh saga, "The Pursuit of Love" and "Love in a Cold Climate" has, more or less, completed her biographical and family sketches in the person of Fanny Logan Wincham, et al. Although in real life Nancy Mitford was denied motherhood and later divorced, her hope for a happy marriage, parenthood, and domesticity are fulfilled in this book.

Here are two excerpts taken from "Don't Tell Alfred" which illustrate Mitford's tenderness and wit.

In the evocation of Fanny's childhood spent at Alconleigh:

"Uncle Matthew had a little fire in his [London] sitting-room...Alconleigh in miniature. It had the same smell of wood fire and Virginia cigarettes was filled... the Alconcleft Record Rack. They vividly evoke my childhood and the long evenings at Alconleigh with Uncle Matthew playing his favourite records. I thought with a sigh what an easy time parents and guardians had had in those days.... good little children we seem to have been, in retrospect."

Mitford's whimsical plaint also has its serious side. Here in this excerpt, Fanny's friend, Valhubert, laments the demise of the Seine-et-Marne countryside:

"I love this country so much, but now it makes me feel sad to come here. We must look at it with all our eyes because in ten years' time it will be utterly different...no more stooks of corn or heaps of manure... no more horses and cart... Last time I came along this road it was bordered by apple trees--look, you can see the stumps. Some admirer of Bernard Buffet has put up these telegraph poles instead."

***
Though innocuous, some of the author's license with historical events in "Don't Tell Alfred" should be noted.

The "Teddy Boys" and "The Minquiers Islands" are the social and political highlights of 1953, respectively. The former concerned more with the youths of England. The latter involved the sovereignty dispute between France and Britain - Ambassador Wincham - over The Minquiers islets situated between the British island of Jersey and the coast of France. Later that year, the World Court in Hague concluded the sovereignty of the islets belonged to the United Kingdom.

In addition, when Fanny's second son, Basil, talked about his working with his 26-year-old stepfather in the travel business, a reference was made about the happy British tourists whistling "Colonel Bogey March". This whistling tune, of course, was from the film "The Bridge On the River Kwai". The movie was not released until in 1957, however.

"Don't Tell Alfred" picks up on Fanny's (ie The Bolter's Daughter) life in the late fifties/early sixties. Except for a brief appearance by Uncle Matthew, who has given up his entrenching tool in favour of a cocktail glass (!!!), none of the other characters from Ms. Mitford's earlier works appear here.

Rather, the novel is populated by pop stars, dull diplomats and something called "Teddy boys". These uncompelling characters are further handicapped by tedious dialogue and an utterly boring plot.

Completely lacking the charm and wit of "The Pursuit of Love" and "Love in a Cold Climate", this novel disappoints as much as the others delight.

Sorry, Amazon, this book is No Sale.