I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression [Paperback]

A distinction is made between covert (or hidden) depression and overt depression - the type which is plain for the world to see. Covert depression in many cases is hidden from the victim himself. The author suggests a strong link between covert depression and addictive behavior.

Although the book was very educational, it left me with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Case after case after case of abuse, violence, despair and hate leaves the reader with a profound sorrow and a feeling that the world is a terrible place.

Male depression is a "legacy" in the sense that it can be passed down through the generations. In many cases, a father is not able to come to grips with his own psychological afflictions and in turn these manifest themselves in the child when he grows up to be a man.

Male depression can also spring from cultural expectations. Men try to conform to the stereotype of "strong, silent". If a man is an alcoholic or addicted gambler, these are conditions that are seen as curable. However, if a man chooses to discuss his emotions or behaves in a manner which might be considered as feminine, then he is avoided like a leper and socially ostracized.

The book concludes with a powerful message - that it is necessary in life to nurture relationships and have a goal in life that is larger than personal gratification. This is a personal quest on which I am currently embarking.

I have no negative things to say about the book and would highly recommend its purchase!

As I read it, I just didn't feel like anything "clicked" when it came to my husband and his behaviors. A snippet here, a snippet there ... but in general, the book didn't help me understand him any better.

For instance, when the author discussed different types of father-ing styles, none of the "types" seemed to fit my husband's father. Maybe a little bit of one or two of the styles, but not enough to make me feel that the combination of these "bits" gave any helpful insight or true understanding of his father ... or my husband for that matter. The same held true of the author's thoughts on mothering styles. (which seemed somewhat chauvanist, bordering on misogynistic at times,)

Perhaps, as a woman, I couldn't "see" the things that men would see in this book.

When I spoke to my therapist later about it, he conceded that he had received similar comments from other patients (including men) regarding this book and said that "The Pain Behind the Mask", (another book on male depression) seemed more applicable and helpful.

In general, it made SOME good points, but something important was missing.

I don't reccommend it personally, but that is only personal experience and doesn't mean it wouldn't help someone else.

The author harvests his rolodex. We read anecdote after anecdote about big men with said childhoods. One had been beaten by his father. Another had been orphaned and had to go live with a cruel aunt. After about twenty pages of beatings and abuse, I was pretty weepy. The author's style seems to be getting these men to open up in therapy with the wife and family, spreading around deep personal pain, and getting everybody to start having some good cries.

But just because it makes you cry doesn't mean it's good for you. This book focuses mainly on psychotherapy, but there are many contributors for depression. For example, if you're feeling beaten down at work, psychotherapy with the wife and kids will probably make you feel worse. Readers should also be aware this book goes down the same murky route Robert Bly walked in his book "Iron John", talking about wounded heros and other bits of male mythology.

I would suggest most male suffering from mild depression don't need a book like this. For practical help with depression, I can recommend "Dealing with Depression Naturally" by Syd Baumel. His list of options is truly exhaustive. You can decide for yourself which route you want to go down.