I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression [Paperback]

A distinction is made between covert (or hidden) depression and overt depression - the type which is plain for the world to see. Covert depression in many cases is hidden from the victim himself. The author suggests a strong link between covert depression and addictive behavior.

Although the book was very educational, it left me with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Case after case after case of abuse, violence, despair and hate leaves the reader with a profound sorrow and a feeling that the world is a terrible place.

Male depression is a "legacy" in the sense that it can be passed down through the generations. In many cases, a father is not able to come to grips with his own psychological afflictions and in turn these manifest themselves in the child when he grows up to be a man.

Male depression can also spring from cultural expectations. Men try to conform to the stereotype of "strong, silent". If a man is an alcoholic or addicted gambler, these are conditions that are seen as curable. However, if a man chooses to discuss his emotions or behaves in a manner which might be considered as feminine, then he is avoided like a leper and socially ostracized.

The book concludes with a powerful message - that it is necessary in life to nurture relationships and have a goal in life that is larger than personal gratification. This is a personal quest on which I am currently embarking.

I have no negative things to say about the book and would highly recommend its purchase!

Mr. Real writes from experience and with knowledge from both sides of the couch. As he composites out and recreates therapy sessions, you, as a depressed man, should see yourself. You can see where you've been and get a preview of where you're going.

Each chapter ends on an upbeat. It does not end on a sappy upbeat. This is no Stuart Smalley book, no pop psychology here. It is a real upbeat, real hope on a deep level. I actually copied paragraphs from this text onto my own paper and carried them along with me.

It takes courage not to be depressed. This book makes this clear. It also makes it abundantly clear that it can be done.

While Real does not provide a step-by-step recovery plan, he describes so many vivid cases that you see how it works, and how hard the clients have to work. First, they must give up their "addictions." Then they must re-assess and treat their relationship with themselves, using the mature parts of their personalities to "re-parent" the underdeveloped. And then re-establishing relations with others, often beginning with such concrete tasks as helping with the dishes or carrying a child's photo to look at in times of stress.

One great strength of this book is that Real can write: His prose is sensitive, sophisticated, and most of all fluid. His case studies--although too many to remember--are grippingly realistic. Another strength is his balanced, mature treatment of gender roles in our society. I feared a "men's movement" approach but found one beyond that. Another strength is that Real speaks from a lot of experience and hard thinking. Although the book would have been more powerful at 280 rather than 380 pages, he conveys his views convincingly. Of course, the inevitable warning is: This is not main stream, comprehensive, orthodox text on depression. It is at once more limited and much better than that.