The Fearless Fish Out of Water: How to Succeed When You're the Only One Like You [Hardcover]

There's nothing wrong with conforming, at least in some ways. In other ways, it's a huge mistake. Look at how many stupid things are done to avoid being different. Kids smoke cigarettes due to peer pressure, not stopping to think that those peers are not thinking either. People go out to restaurants and suck down a day and a half of calories at one sitting--because everyone else is. You could make a list of the twenty dumbest things people do, and probably 15 of those are done out of a misplaced "need" to conform.

We can look at "over-conformity" from a different perspective than that of doing dumb things. We can look at it from the perspective that too much conformity stifles your potential to achieve. Roffer takes this other perspective in this book. What she's talking about is embracing what makes you different and using that as a strength.

This concept may violate what you read in many career success books (talk this way, dress this way, etc.). And it may conflict with the cliquish culture among some influencers in your organization (what do you mean you won't golf with us?). But when you stop and think about it, this concept is logical.

Consider what every company does in the marketplace. It tries to show its unique selling proposition, a concept marketers call "USP." What is it that differentiates you from the herd (or in Roffer's metaphor, school) and makes you special?

I have come across some good works by motivational speakers and others who advise to be true to who you are. They expound on the virtues and benefits of this and that's good. What has been missing is the same kind of thing presented from a business mentor viewpoint. This is where Roffer comes in.

She doesn't have a formula or paint by numbers process, so it's not a book that you can mindlessly follow. But it is laid out logically. And if you read it and think over the concepts you will find it contains much wisdom and insight. It also contains practical tips, easy-to-follow guidelines, and useful exercises for further developing and applying what you learn.

Her basic premise is that rather than "fix what's wrong" with being different, use what sets you apart as a powerful force for achieving your goals. People want to fit in. They want to be accepted by others. You can be accepted without changing who you are. You can be you without apology and without alienating others. Roffer explains how to make that happen.

Most nonfiction books consist of ten chapters. That's the standard formula. Roffer chose to write hers in seven chapters. She could have chosen to "fit in" by adding three fluff chapters, but her focus instead was on serving the reader. She had material for seven chapters, so seven chapters it was. She had material for seven chapters because she provides a seven-step process for succeeding as the person you are.

She uses a fish metaphor throughout. She uses examples, mostly from the entertainment industry, to illustrate various points and concepts. Here are the chapters:

Step 1: Go Fishing for the Real You. Self-knowledge is a lifelong process. This chapter helps move that along.

Step 2: Use your Differences as a Lure. This chapter focuses on presenting what's different in a positive light, rather than apologizing for it.

Step 3: Find a Few Fish Like You. How to create a support system, basically.

Step 4: Swim in Their Ocean Your Way. I found this chapter particularly interesting. My approach has generally been to just stay out of the water (avoidance). Her approach relies on engagement.

Step 5: Put Yourself Out on the Line. Great stuff here on self-advocacy, an area where many people go way overboard and many others just don't get off the pot.

Step 6: Evolve by Casting a Wide Net. Being yourself doesn't mean being insulated from the rest of the world. How do you strike a balance?

Step 7: Reel in Your Unique Power. This chapter looks at how to turn belief and courage into action.

This book has a few flaws. For example:

*The profusion of sentences constructed in parallel. These always make a reader have to do mental flipflops.

*The persistent use of "flounder" where, judging from the context, the author meant "founder." These are not synonyms.

*Other grammatical errors, such as using a modifier with "unique."

*Too many references to television. People tend to be readers or television watchers, but not both. The reason is physical, because the brain adapts to the particular use. A knowledgeable medical examiner can identify which group an autopsied person belonged in by looking at the structure of that person's brain. Readers and television watchers really are that different. So, many of her references were simply foreign to this avid reader.

*The writing style lacked snap. One reason is Roffer used many complex, compound, multi-clause sentences.

The flaws are form, rather than substance. But they do detract from the reading experience. The message is good, and the author knows what she's talking about. I think for anyone who feels anxiety about fitting in, this book is a good investment of time and money.

This book has a great message for parents who struggle with nurturing the unique capabilities and interests of their children, or having them try to conform to fit in with their peers. It's so refreshing to have an author point out how our culture celebrates diversity and that parents should just let their children be themselves. Roffer also gives tips on how to help your kids fit in the right way by having them associate with kids with like interests and I think it is very excellent advice.

Now more than ever, and especially in business, people need to alter the way they think, embrace change and celebrate the unique qualities in themselves that are truly remarkable. As one of the entertainment industry's leading brand marketers, Robin Fisher-Roffer helps us understand the power of our own individuality and how best to put it to work. In Fearless Fish Out of Water, we are treated to a breezy book that provides real insight and terrific personal accounts of people who have used their differences to great advantage in their careers and beyond. This book will resonate strongly with anyone grappling with their personal identity and provide motivation as well as easy-to-follow exercises that will help empower "Fearless Fish" to recognize their differences as the key to success.
Linda Abrams

The Fearless Fish Out of Water: How to Succeed When You're the Only One Like You

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