Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently [Hardcover]

 

 

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Apparently women are less happy than they were 40 years ago. It's not that we'd forgo the choices we have today for a simpler yesterday, but that it takes a little more effort to de-clutter our lives and determine where we should focus.

This book encourages us to reconnect with our intuition, the guiding voice that so many women lose amid the noise of everyday life. It gives permission to put ourselves first and by doing so, makes us strong and allows us to enrich the lives we touch.
Practically speaking, it's an easy read. The first part lays the foundation, the second part provides the advice and the third part gives real examples of how the advice works.

Yes, this book is packaged like a typical self help book. Yes, there's an Oprah connection. But beyond those elements, I think this book offers real inspiration for those looking for encouragement and direction for those who need more.

It's a recommended read and makes a loving gift as well.

"Therefore the strong people will glorify You;" -- Isaiah 25:3

I ordered this book thinking that my wife and daughter would be thrilled to find out how to find their strongest lives. I left it hanging around where they tend to pick up books I want them to find and read. That didn't work. Then, I asked each of them if they would like to read it. My daughter turned up her nose and my wife said she's take a quick look. After six minutes my wife commented, "There's not much there."

Although this is a book-length self-help book, my advice to men would be not to buy it for women. They'll buy it for themselves if they want to read it.

Assuming that all men have stopped reading the review by now, let me address women. If you have read Marcus Buckingham's book, Find Your Strongest Life, you probably won't feel that this book adds very much other than some anecdotes. Take a peek at the library or while browsing at the bookstore before buying.

If you haven't read that book, let me ask you a question to help you decide if this book is for you: How happy are you with your life on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being as happy as you can imagine?

If you answer seven or higher, you are average or above in happiness and much of this advice won't help too much.

If you answer four or lower and loathe either your job or your family life, this is your book. Go for it.

The book is structured around an experience that the author had in counseling 30 women who had achieved so-called success in life, but were dissatisfied.

It begins with 10 myths, which I paraphrase to shorten and for clarity:

1. When women have more opportunities, they are happier.
2. Happiness for women increases with age.
3. Free time reduces stress for women.
4. Women raising children are happier.
5. Kids want to spend more time with their working moms.
6. Women accomplish more by doing lots of things at once.
7. Women like to work for women.
8. Women earn less for men in comparable work.
9. Women have lower level jobs at work than men.
10. Women do a great deal more housework than men.

Okay, so what's the problem with exploding such myths? Well, using averages to come to conclusions can be very misleading. All ten items could be true for you as a woman. If you don't agree that the opposite of this list is the case, you will be gritting your teeth as you read much of the book. Perhaps it's not such a good book for you.

Part One of the book mostly focuses on frustrations that women feel and addresses the ten myths. Unless you find the details fascinating, you could skip that part.

In Part Two, Mr. Buckingham describes what he's pointing women toward: a strong life.

Here the definition:

A woman has an emotional life that is

1. "Successful" (defined as feeling "effective and capable")
2. "Instinctively looking forward to tomorrow" (defined as feeling "hope, excitement, even joy")
3. "Growing and learning" ("getting better at something" and with "a sense of focus")
4. "Needs fulfilled" ("may be tired" but not "overwhelmed and empty")(has a purpose she likes, has relationships she enjoys, and gains recognition)

The rest of Part Two describes roles and tasks to help you understand what strengthens you emotionally and what drains you. Do more of the former and less of the latter.

Part Three of the book is a lot of questions and answers. If one of the questions is yours, it will be helpful. Otherwise, it will be more of a curiosity.

Could this book have been turned into a helpful short article? Yes.

Even though this is a short book, there's not a lot here . . . unless the message is one that resonates with you because parts of your life feel crummy and you don't know what to do about it.

I would dismiss this book as probably not being too valuable for capable women except that I know a woman who struggles with hating her job, even though she is very good at it. I realize from what she says about her work that she hasn't thought of looking for a different job that would help her feel better. This book might help her. I'll share my copy with her.

I suspect this book will be most valuable to women who hate their family lives and aren't quite sure how to get past the guilt to decide to change matters in constructive ways. I'm sorry if that's the case for you, but this book might really help you.

This is a secular book so there's no emphasis on being strong in your faith in the Lord as a way to gain a more satisfying life. I felt that the message of living a strong life was quite incomplete without that advice.

Finding Your Strongest Life tackles the age old question: "Can women have it all?" Is it possible to have a career, kids, marriage, etc and still have it all together?

Marcus Buckingham believes yes, if you focus on your strengths and use them to the best of your ability. Buckingham's basic premise of the book is to find your Core and Supporting strengths, build them up and use them in all areas of your life.

Buckingham has developed a Strong Life Test (you can take it here) and there are nine Core and Supporting roles that are identified by him. When I took the test, I discovered that my core role is Creator, while my supporting role is Teacher. In the book, and on his website, Buckingham outlines in details a definition of each role. I would have to say the test is pretty accurate.

The basic idea of this book is to identify the things in life that bring you joy and good feelings, and avoid the things that don't. There are a couple of ways he tells you to try to help you figure them out, and gives a good "points to ponder" summary at the end of each chapter.

One of the points Buckingham makes in his book is that women are not as happy as they were in the 1970's. One of the reasons he finds is because women today have too many choices. I believe this. We can choose to work, be at home, do both but at what cost, to have kids, not have kids, etc. The stress a lot of women face is because they do not know deep down what truly makes them happy and how to get there.

This book gives examples of real life women and how, when they learned their Core Role for life, they made the necessary changes and are now happier for it. I really enjoyed reading the real-life scenarios. They were encouraging, yet inspirational too.

I honestly had a difficult time reading this book. Yes, it was a easy read...only took me a couple days. But I felt that it was not a book for ALL women, as he claims. It seemed to me Buckingham's focus was married, career woman with children. If you do not have a high stress, high powered career, have no children and are not married, you may not get much out of this book.

I am married, and have two children but I stay at home. However, I am a work at home mom, so felt there were a few good points in the book that made it relevant to my life.

Also, though published by Thomas Nelson, a Christian publishing company, there is no mention of God's place in making one happy. There is no mention in the book about how a relationship with God is what makes one happy in life, no matter what stress you may face. This was discouraging to me. However, I do recommend this book for women who are struggling to find their calling in life.

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3.0 out of 5 stars Read if you feel you need it
People everywhere are looking for happiness. It seems there's a way to find out how happy you are.

Although I like Buckingham and thought his management and strength... Read more

Published 8 months ago by D. Manafo

4.0 out of 5 stars we all want a strong life...
call me what you will, but i am always a bit wary whenever i pick up a book that is solely for women. Read more

Published on Oct 6 2009 by susanne phaneuf

3.0 out of 5 stars Mixed Emotions
Very rarely am I caught off guard by a book. Before I received a message from Thomas Nelson, as one of their book review bloggers, that this book would be made available to those... Read more

Published on Oct 5 2009 by Darlene Jan Alice Oakley

5.0 out of 5 stars Like having your own personal life coach
Have you ever wondered if you can or should "have it all"? Does life feel seriously out of whack? Is a balanced life really attainable? Read more

Published on Oct 5 2009 by S. Morehouse

2.0 out of 5 stars Good Ideas - Wayward Approach
Women are hungry to live lives that are satisfying, meaningful and purpose driven. We have more choices than any other time in history, yet statistics show a decline in... Read more

Published on Oct 5 2009 by Karin F. Fendick

3.0 out of 5 stars Making a case for strengths, not weaknesses
Marcus Buckingham proposes that it is our strengths that hold the key to living our most satisfying and successful lives. Read more

Published on Oct 5 2009 by Lynda Chiotti

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