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1.0 out of 5 stars
Winner of Bad Fiction Contest, July 13 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: First Frontier (Paperback)
I don't know if it will let me post the link to the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction site (entry #40) here, but it is my duty to inform you all of the following:
You want bad writing - I got bad writing. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you. Star Trek-- First Frontier by Diane Carey and Dr James I Kirkland. Doctor Kirkland is credited as the dinosaur expert, since the story is set on prehistoric earth. I hesitate to guess what Ms Carey's field of expertise may be, since it certainly isn't writing clear, literate English prose. The book is littered with cherishable errors - at a rate of one or two biggies every four or five pages. Particular favourites include a resolute refusal to use the phrase "He (or she) said" if at all possible. So we have:
Kirk clipped, Chekov bolted. (While not moving from his seat), he malaised, Kirk distilled....., he resigned (While not going anywhere) Kirk impugned.
Chapter 23 starts with the entirely incomprehensible sentence: "Head down into the storm they went, pressing barehanded to their chests an unshielded sense of peril."
There are so many pleasing subjects for speculation here. How does a group of humanoids have multiple chests but only one head? Do you sometimes need gloves to press unshielded senses of peril to your chest? Do senses of perils usually come shielded and they took the shield off, or did they put a shield on and then took it off afterwards? And if so, why?
But all these pale into insignificance before the panoply of riches which is Chapter 29.
We have a Klingon who "gazed up at Kirk with roguish languor."
A dinosaur described as a "shriven corpse on the floor." As I Catholic, I find it curiously reassuring to know that Confession was available to prehistoric reptiles. A human is endowed with a twenty-foot arm. (apparently only the one, though) and the best of the "he said" alternatives.
"Pushing, Kirk under-girded, "But........"
And I haven't even mentioned the rest of the book : Kirk leering at the bridge screen, the seconds that went by like surgical time (faster? slower?) the chap who cloyed to his work, Kirk reeling with respect for someone, disinterest used for uninterest, Kirk's surfeiting nod, vilification used as a synonym for hatred, and disdained for despised, etc.
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