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Five Languages of Apology: How To Experience Healing In All Your Relationship [Paperback]

Gary Chapman , Jennifer Thomas
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Jan. 15 2008
Just as you have a different love language, you also hear and express the words and gestures of apology in a different language. New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman has teamed with counselor Jennifer Thomas on this groundbreaking study of the way we apologize, discovering that it's not just a matter of will-it's a matter of how. By helping people identify the languages of apology, this book clears the way toward healing and sustaining vital relationships. The authors detail proven techniques for giving and receiving effective apologies.

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From Publishers Weekly

Chapman, author of the bestselling The Five Love Languages, teams up with psychologist Thomas for thoughtful dissection of another tricky subject. Chapman and Thomas choose to tackle the apology because, as with love, understanding it is essential for developing, maintaining and repairing relationships. Apology, however, covers a much broader scope, applying to all varieties of relationships, from the deeply personal connection between intimate partners to the formal relationships between nations. Chapman and Thomas's basic observation that we don't all agree on what constitutes a sincere apology is perhaps not surprising, but it may, as they show, help couples who can't resolve arguments because their apologies aren't accepted. The authors stress that you need to learn the "language" of the person you are apologizing to: for one person, it may be expressing regret, while for another it's accepting responsibility or making restitution. Especially useful is the chapter that helps readers learn which language of apology feels most sincere to them. Chapman and Thomas are most apt when they seek to repair relationships not with large ideas but with simple basics that are too often taken for granted. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

GARY CHAPMAN is the author of the New York Times bestselling The Five Love Languages book series. He is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc., and travels around the world presenting seminars. Gary's radio program airs on more than 100 stations. For more information, visit (www.garychapman.org.)

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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I found it fantastic and can only help benefit people's relationships and understanding. Wise counsel at your finger tips what more could you ask.
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3.0 out of 5 stars I felt like I understood, all of a sudden... Jan. 26 2012
By Fanchon
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book is by the same guy who did "The five love languages". That book was groundbreaking for me, and all of a sudden I felt like I understood my parents, my spouse, my friends, my niece and nephew...

The Five Love Languages of Apology provided me with that same awakening. I almost immediately began to perceive why there was such a difference between how I saw things and others saw things when it came to saying sorry.

Not to say that I now can get anyone to accept my apologies and not hold a grudge, but it helps me understand why I'm not always able to please others.

The biblical undertones are fine, and I understand where the author is coming from. To me, it neither adds nor takes away from this book.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An apology may not be as simple as "I'm sorry" Dec 30 2010
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Excellent book and an easy read. The authors provide "cheat sheets" at the end of each chapter that easily summarize the key points that you may want to cover for each of the 5 languages. I no longer think an apology is as simple as "I'm sorry". Great book
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1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Five languages of Apology March 2 2010
Awesome book everyone should read. We can all learn more than we could imagine about all our relationships.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.6 out of 5 stars  113 reviews
222 of 230 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A healing journey Oct. 9 2006
By M. E. Shores - Published on Amazon.com
The first thing I had to do when I received my copy of The Five Languages of Apology was to take The Apology Language Profile in the back of the book. I approached it in the happy, fun way I used to look at surveys in women's magazines until the very first question stopped me dead in my tracks. Since it was about how a spouse should apologize for failing to acknowledge a wedding anniversary, it hit home right away. I knew this was going to be a serious book and that it would bring up some very raw emotions. My husband had recently intended to acknowledge our anniversary with a beautiful gift, but it was stolen from his car before he had the chance, and nothing more was said or done about it. Even though I knew my husband was not to blame, I needed someone to take responsibility and there was no one to do that thus creating an unresolved issue we would eventually work through. As I read more of the questions, I experienced emotions ranging from sadness to anger and by the end of it I realized that very few people had ever apologized to me at all let alone took the time to figure out my apology language! It made perfect sense to me that my preferred apology language is accepting responsibility, since people who come from dsyfunctional homes often long for someone to own up to what he or she has done or said, and because this rarely happens, communication becomes distorted. In the midst of my own issues this book was addressing, I was comforted by the words Chapman and Thomas used to lead me from feeling very alone and rejected because of the lack of apologies given to me, to experiencing some healing and closure due to the new understanding I have been given. I have also become much more aware of the apologies I see in movies and in my relationships with friends. I do believe that if we could get to the point of being willing to apologize, even if we have to stumble through it at first, we would broaden our ability to truly love one another.
57 of 57 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Quick and Useful Resource Jan. 14 2007
By Brenda Nixon - Published on Amazon.com
Since I read The Five Love Languages of Children, I knew The Five Languages of Apology would be just as thoroughly insightful. Who couldn't use some help enhancing relationships? The authors provide various examples, stories, and questions without making the reader feel criticized or reprimanded. For me, page 88, "statements of genuine repentance" was practical. Chapter 14, Apologizing to Yourself is thought-provoking. The authors also emphasize that apologizing is a choice as is forgiveness.

According to the authors, the "art of apology" needs to be learned in childhood. When appropriate, parents need to apologize to their children - it's a way of taking responsibility for one's behavior. Since parents are the first and most influential teachers, we teach kids to apologize by doing so ourselves. It's not a sign of weakness to apologize - but of maturity and accountability.

Chapter 15, "What If We All Learned to Apologize Effectively?" is summed up with, "Fewer people would turn to drugs and alcohol in an effort to find escape from broken relationships. And fewer people would live on the streets of America."

Keep this book on your shelf or bedside table as a quick and useful resource for the relationship challenges in daily life.

Now, I'd like to see these authors write a book on how to confront effectively.

~ Brenda Nixon, Author of Parenting Power in the Early Years and The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start
40 of 41 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars One of the Better Installments in the "Five Languages" Series June 11 2007
By David R. Bess - Published on Amazon.com
This book is one of the better installments in the "Five Love Languages" series of Gary Chapman. Having read the original Five Love Languages title and a few of the follow-ups, this one provides the most additional fresh material to the initial volume. Being able to communicate a sincere apology is an increasingly needed skill in today's age of dodging responsibility and laying blame on others. Chapman and Thomas do a good job in providing the reader insight as to how to apologize in five different styles, depending upon the recipient's personality or "apology language." Included with the book are an apology profile and a group study guide. For anyone wanting truly to make amends in a fractured relationship, this volume is a good place to start.
61 of 68 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good, but could be better! June 4 2007
By Amazon Customer - Published on Amazon.com
The book presents five methods to express an apology. Your job is to identify the preferred method of your spouse/significant other, family members, co-workers, etc., then use their primary method when offering an apology. I'm sure the authors' idea in writing this book was to build on their "Five Languages" series of books, which is a clever idea; however, in my opinion, a better idea would have been to title the book "The Art of Apologizing" or perhaps "The Five Steps to a Sincere Apology" and teach readers to use all 5 methods in all apologies. One example in the book tells of a man who was annoyed by his girlfriend's continual complaining and negativity. When he confronted her, he was blown away by her response. She used all 5 languages and he knew, without a doubt, it was a sincere apology. They have had the best relationship ever since and plan to get married. Had the girlfriend narrowed her apology to one or two languages, the boyfriend probably wouldn't have been blown away, and their relationship may not have turned out nearly as well. I say, why limit an apology to anything less than all 5 languages. Give the one you offended a full, complete, and sincere apology and let the healing begin.
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A "Must read" for everyone! Jan. 11 2007
By Emilye - Published on Amazon.com
This book, along with the "Five Love Languages," should be required reading for anyone in a relationship. Not just a romantic relationship, but familial relationships, friendships, working relationships, etc. I know I've been in situations where I feel I have adequately apologized, and the other person has said they accepted my apology, but the relationship never fully recovered. I now know that the most likely reason is that I didn't use the apology language that most "speaks" to the other person. (If we don't use the right apology language, the person might not feel the apology is genuine and will therefore find it difficult to truly accept the apology and continue in the relationship.) Seriously - this book is a MUST READ book for all of us!
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