Freezer Burn [Hardcover]

 

 

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Joe Lansdale is a marvelous writer; I have enjoyed most of the books I've read of his. FREEZER BURN is certainly full of Lansdale's trademark humor and unusual scenarios, but ultimately it loses ground in the story of Bill Roberts and his involvement with Frost's freakshow. The story is filled with sexual innuendo, thoughts, and acts; Gidget is reminiscent of Kathleen Turner in Body Heat, and other femme fatales. Bill comes across selfish and uncaring at times, and when he does care, it's not enough. He's definitely a man ruled by his sexual satisfaction. Lansdale keeps the plot interesting, although the end is basically a downer, and one wonders how else Lansdale could have resolved it...guess this was the only way. Well written but not satisfying.

First, let me talk for a moment about the writings of Joe R. Lansdale. I'm now totally addicted to this remarkable East Texas author. I think his novel, THE BOTTOMS, is one of the true masterpieces of modern American literature. I love the "Hap/Leonard" series and could read a new novel about these two hilarious and utterly heroic characters every week, if Mr. Lansdale could write the books fast enough. I've read his novellas THE BOAR and THE BIG BLOW and have wondered why a mainstream publisher didn't pick up these two great little books. I've also read his children's story, SOMETHING LUMBER THIS WAY COMES. So far, I've enjoyed every piece of writing by him that I have read. FREEZER BURN is no exception. Though certainly different from the above books, it nevertheless is pure Lansdale at his best. This is the story of Bill Roberts, a low life who simply doesn't know any better. He's been living with his dominating mother for a long time, and when she finally dies, he decides to keep her body in the bedroom so that her social security checks will continue to come in. The only problem with the plan is that Bill is unable to successfully forge her signature on the checks. So, with a handful of checks he's unable to cash, a raucous smell permeating the house, and a couple of cans of beets in the kitchen cabinet left to eat, Bill makes the less-than-lucid decision to rob the firecracker stand across the street on the fourth of July with the help of two equally stupid acquaintances, Fat Boy and Chaplin. Like everything else in Bill's life, the robbery goes terribly wrong. The owner of the firecracker stand is murdered and then Fat Boy (he encounters a nest of water moccasins in the swamp!!!!) and Chaplin are killed in the getaway. Bill hides out in the Bottoms for a day or so, feeding the mosquitoes with his face, avoiding the poisonous snakes, and praying the law doesn't catch up with him. When he eventually comes out of hiding, he sees a carnival in a nearby field and goes to them for help. The owner of carnival, Jack Frost, takes Bill in and allows him to stay until he's completely healed from the mosquito bites, and then offers him a job. This carnival is special. It's filled with freaks: Conrad the Dog Man, U.S. Grant the Bearded Lady, the two-head Buckwheat, pin heads and punk heads, midgets, and the Ice Man. Even Frost has a hand growing out of his chest. The only other normal person (except for a couple of nasty roustabouts) besides Bill is Gidget, the wife of Jack Frost. Gidget-blonde, beautiful, sexy, and as deadly as one of those cottonmouths in the Bottoms-is every husband's worse nightmare. Over a period of weeks, Bill gradually begins to see Frost and some of the other freaks in the carnival as human beings, but it isn't his destiny to be a nice guy. Gidget has other ideas for him. It isn't long before she seduces Bill with her body and talks him into helping her kill Frost so that they can take over the carnival. Of course, like Bill's other endeavors, the plan to kill Gidget's husband will have its drawbacks and pitfalls, and nothing will turn out quite as he expects. FREEZER BURN is definitely not for everyone. I think the reader has to have a rather bizarre sense of humor and a willingness to allow the author to take him/her down a path that may seem somewhat weird to the average person, yet is actually a journey about life and what it means to be different, not to mention what goes around, comes around. This novel is Mr. Lansdale's homage to James M. Cain's THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE, using the themes of lust, adultery, and murder, only with a slightly different twist. Though funny from beginning to end (yes, I have a rather bizarre sense of humor about life), this novel is also filled with poignant insights into how people treat those who are different. I also think that Mr. Lansdale is a firm believer in karma. When people do bad things, it always comes back to bite them in the butt sooner or later. I will say that the finale of FREEZER BURN is a downer; yet, I don't see how the author could've ended it differently. The story could only have one final outcome and still remain true to the very nature of who Bill Roberts and Gidget Frost actually are. If you're looking for a happy ending, this isn't the book to read. If, however, you're looking for a book that will shock you, tickle your funny bone, and make you think about prejudice in all of its sad and unhealthy forms, then this is the one to buy.

Bill Roberts is a laconic and none to smart loser that decides to rob a firecracker stand just across the street because his mother is now dead and stinking up the place and he cannot get the nerve up to forge her social security checks to get the money, which he is just about out of. With two cohorts helping him out, the robbery goes well for about two seconds. Then things go south in a hurry. Four corpses later, poor Bill stumbles out of the swamp and into a traveling carnival Freakshow run by a kind hearted man with a hand growing out of his chest and his femme fatale wife. Hoping to hide out until things cool down in the real world, Bill takes a job there and waits for the proper angles to present themselves. Gidget, the blonde bombshell wife of the show's owner, has some plans of her own as well as some very nice angles to get them done.

Freezer Burn is largely a retelling of the film 'Freaks' as a comedic roman noir. Chock full of unsavory characters that view humane behavior as stupid and weak, this is certainly not a novel for all tastes. Longtime Lansdale fans will be delighted to see him brush up on his darker roots, the ones responsible for The Nightrunners and the black as tar noir nightmare The Night They Skipped the Horror Show. Others used to the trace of nobility found in his most recent work will wonder why he wasted his time telling the tale of such an unlikable sociopath anti-hero. Being a nearly twenty year Lansdale addict I heartily recommend to his longtime fans as well as to those who just like dark hearted noir with a goofball twist.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Very Odd Mixture, But Ultimately Vintage Lansdale
I wasn't sure what to think of _Freezer Burn_ when I started it. The characters were just a bit too wild to really register. Read more

Published on Jan 29 2001 by Craig Larson

5.0 out of 5 stars Back to Adam and Eve
I recommend this book, yet give it a mixed review. On the one hand, I found the character of Conrad one of the most compelling I've ever come across in literature--wonderful and... Read more

Published on Oct 17 2000 by Sammy Jackson 14/88

1.0 out of 5 stars Major disappointment
Although I have enjoyed Lansdale's Hap and Leonard series, five books in a row was a bit much. I was excited to see Freezer Burn available, a new and original Lansdale story, and... Read more

Published on Oct 15 2000

4.0 out of 5 stars Hard to pin down, but interesting.
This book is really odd. I gave it a rating of 4 stars, but I can't decide if that's really the best rating. Read more

Published on Sep 23 2000 by Sean P. Melican

5.0 out of 5 stars Lansdale asatisfies once again!
FREEZER BURN shows us Bill Roberts and his 2 friends organizing a little robbery of a fireworks display. Read more

Published on May 23 2000 by P. Legerski

2.0 out of 5 stars Jim Thompson did it better.
I've grown tired of Lansdale's Hap & Leonard books. So I was happy to see FREEZER BURN appear. At least it isn't Hap & Leonard. Read more

Published on April 21 2000

5.0 out of 5 stars One of my Favorite Lansdale Books
I'm sorry that a lot of folks have not liked this book, but I have to respectfully disagree. I've been reading Joe for twelve years, and to me "Freezer Burn" harkens... Read more

Published on Mar 19 2000 by D. Read

2.0 out of 5 stars say it ain't so,joe!
I"m afraid that I have to join the chorus of mostly negative reviews here.I say that reluctantly,because I am a BIG Joe R.Lansdale fan. Read more

Published on Feb 26 2000

2.0 out of 5 stars You've read this book before...
First, you have read this book before, assuming you have ever read a noir, or seen a film since 1950, or even stayed awake while friends have talked about films or novels... Read more

Published on Jan 20 2000 by lbangs

3.0 out of 5 stars Doesnt blow your socks off.
Being a Lansdale fan, I have to say that anyone who likes his previous novels should enjoy his latest offering, but for those people who dont know of him and feel they would like... Read more

Published on Jan 18 2000 by poisonpalm

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