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Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples with a New Foreword by the Author
 
 

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples with a New Foreword by the Author [Paperback]

Harville Hendrix
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (58 customer reviews)

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Paperback CDN $13.36  
Paperback, July 31 2001 --  
Audio, CD, Abridged, Audiobook, CD CDN $14.40  

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Product Description

From Amazon.com

When Harville Hendrix writes about relationships, he discusses them not just as an educator and a therapist, but as a man who has himself been through a failed marriage. Hendrix felt the sting of his divorce intensely because he believed it signaled not only his failure as a husband but also his failure as a couples counselor. Investigating why his marriage dissolved led him to start looking into the psychology of love. Marriage, he ultimately discovered, is the "practice of becoming passionate friends."

As a result of his research, Hendrix created a therapy he calls Imago Relationship Therapy. In it, he combines what he's learned in a number of disciplines, including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, to name just a few. He expounds upon this approach in Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. His purpose in writing the book, he says, is "to share with you what I have learned about the psychology of love relationships, and to help you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship."

Divided into three sections, the book covers "The Unconscious Marriage," which details a marriage in which the remaining desires and behavior of childhood interfere with the current relationship; "The Conscious Marriage," which shows a marriage that fulfils those childhood needs in a positive manner; and a 10-week "course in relationship therapy, " which gives detailed exercises for you and your partner to follow in order to learn how to "replace confrontation and criticism ... with a healing process of mutual growth and support." The text is occasionally dry and technical; however, the information provided is valuable, the case studies are interesting, and the exercises are revealing and helpful. By utilizing his program, Hendrix hopes you too will be able to solve your marital difficulties without the expense of a therapist. --Jenny Brown --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From AudioFile

For 17 years the author and his wife have been writing about how couples can express frustrated childhood needs constructively, instead of acting them out and poisoning any chance for happiness. Providing exercises that get everyone's cards on the table, his approach to marital communication is widely used across the country. In a clear abridgment, Dr. Hendrix covers the essentials of long-term relationships and what it takes to get past the most common forms of relationship dysfunction. The author's resonant baritone and utter lack of pretense would serve all personal growth audios, regardless of authorship. These ideas won't save every marriage, but they're worthwhile tools that anyone can understand and try. T.W. Winner of AudioFile Earphones Award © AudioFile 2005, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

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WHEN COUPLES COME to me for marital therapy, I usually ask them how they met. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

58 Reviews
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 (41)
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 (8)
3 star:
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Average Customer Review
4.4 out of 5 stars (58 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Great book for those seeking answers outside themselves, April 10 2002
This review is from: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples with a New Foreword by the Author (Paperback)
I originally thought this book had some useful information until I read "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch. The failings of this book are that it takes the Freudian approach and seeks most of its answers in childhood experiences and trauma while at the same time suggesting that your partner is there to "fix" things. The end result is that we end up relying on someone us to "take care of us." Passionate Marriage (don't be turned off by the title) takes the unique approach of personal accountability and integrity in relationships. When you're ready to do the "hard stuff" and dispel the relationship myths and expectations that doom most marriages, pick up Schnarch's book. It's not about fixing the relationship or your partner -- it's about fixing yourself.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Why marriage works, Dec 5 2006
By 
Handmade Christmas Cards (Amber-Market.com) - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER)   
This review is from: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples with a New Foreword by the Author (Paperback)
Just reading this book gave me great optimism about my marriage and my ability to greatly improve it. His exercises provide explicit and practical steps to take to meet the conflicts and sense of something missing and turn them into relationship and personal growth. The book begins by explaining things you never thought to ask, like 'why was I so attracted to this particular person I married?' He then goes on to describe how the things left unresolved from our childhood experience with our parents become the major themes in the new family created by marriage. The explainations have a common sense feel of the truth being told. From the understanding of how marraage works it becomes easy to see for the first time what creates the tensions and what to do about them. As a marriage therapist Hendrix assumes major problems is your marriage. If your marrage is still in good shape he may seem to overstate the conflicts but the descriptions and cures very much on target and useful.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Recommended!, April 30 2006
By 
Dr. Joyce OHolleran (Miami, Florida) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples with a New Foreword by the Author (Paperback)
The book is an easy and enjoyable read. I gleaned great number of pearls of wisdom and revealing insights about my marriage, myself and the reasons I do those things that make my spouse irritated. The author presents 16 exercises, which you can do together with your spouse to work on your relationship. They are interesting and practical, blended in a very readable format. Keep in mind however that this is not a quick fix book full of easy answers.

In it, Dr. Hendrix introduces the imago model, which he developed as a tool for understanding relationship problems. His approach is quite interesting to read as you will discover the "roots" of some of your marriage problems and will gain greater insight. I found this book valuable and directly applicable to my life. It gives you the tools to understand yourself as well as your partner. From that, you can start resolving long standing problems. It really helps you to get below the surface problems and deal with underlying issues. Near the end you are presented with two couples where everything you have learned is applied to show how situations can go from bad to blissful. Additional bestseller that helped my husband and me to achieve that is scientist Ritz' "Scientifically guaranteed multi-orgasms and ultimate sex". We highly recommend both of them.
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