Getting To 'i Do' [Paperback]

I have noticed that a few customers have disagreed with Dr. Pat's principles,most of the disagreements expressed seem to be due to the fact that these readers may not have read the book thoroughly and carefully. In the following paragraphs, I will list the complaints that the readers have expressed, and then I will explain why these readers have misunderstood what Dr. Pat is trying to say.

The first complaint that readers express is that they believe that Dr. Pat is saying that a feminine energy person must only participate in "femine type tasks". Dr. Pat does not say this at all. In fact, Dr. Pat says that there is no such thing as a task that is clearly masculine or clearly feminine. In other words, Dr. Pat says that the feminine partner in the relationship can fix cars, play football, etc. and the masculine partner in the relationship can sew, do dishes, etc.

The second complaint that readers have is that Dr. Pat refers to androgynous people as narcisits. If these readers would truly analyze what Dr. Pat is saying, they would realize that her description of a narcisist is a person who wants both their feelings and thoughts respected by their partner. She does not mean narcisist in the sense of describing a person who is self-obsessed and does not care about people. Readers should realize that words often have more than one meaning. For example, the word "right" can mean a direction or point of reference such as being right-handed or making a right turn, and in a different context it can describe being accurate or correct, such as doing the right thing or picking the right answer. Keeping this in mind, readers should realize that Dr. Pat's definition of narcisist is different from the definition that we commonly use.

The third misconception that readers have about Dr. Pat is that they think that she is saying that the masculine partner in the relationship must be masculine in every aspect of his or her life, and the feminine partner in the relationship must be feminine in every aspect of his or her life. Dr. Pat does not say this at all. She simply says that a person should maintain their primarilly masculin or primarilly feminine role when interacting with his or her spouse. The feminine partner in the relationship can be masculine at work, on the athletic field, when interacting with his or her friends, etc. etc--just not with his or her spouse. And the masculine partner in the relationship can be feminine when interacting with his or her friends, family, etc--just not with his or her spouse. Dr. Pat clearly states that each of us has both masculine and feminine energy, and that we can incorporate both those energies into any or all of our activities and interactions outside of our relationships.

Another complaint that some readers express is that they think Dr. Pat is saying that the masculine energy partener in the relationship can never express his or her feelings in the relationship and the feminine energy person can never express his or her thoughts in the relationship. If these readers would read the book more carefully, they would see that Dr Pat clearly states that while the masculine energy partner should primarilly be the thinker and the feminine partner should primarilly be the feeler, the partners can switch roles when necessary as long as they ask each other for permission before they do so. For example, if the masculine partner wants to express his or her feelings, he or she should say the following to his or her partner: "I have a feeling I would like to express, would you like to hear it now, or would you rather hear it sometime before bed." Likewise, if the feminine partner in the relationship wants to express a thought or idea, he or she would say "I have a thought/idea that I would like to share with you, would you like to here it now or hear it sometime before bed?".

The fith complaint that many readers have is that they think that Dr. Pat believes that the woman should be feminine and the man should be masculine. Dr. Pat does not say this at all. All she says is that one of the partners should be masculine and the other partner should be feminine--therefore, she says that a successful relationship could consist of a masculine man and a feminine woman, a masculine woman and a feminine man, a masculine man and a feminine man, or a masculine woman and a feminine woman.

The sixth complaint that readers have is that they think that a person should not have to choose to play a role in order to be in a relationship. Well, the bottom line is that anything worth while in life recquires some sort of sacrifice and hard work. If one wants to drive a car, he or she needs to pay insurance and take a driving test. If one wants to be a good piano player, her or she needs to practice playing scales and reading music. If one wants a college degree, he or she needs to spend a lot of hours studying. If one wants to lose weight, he ors he needs to eat healthey and exercise. Therefore, one needs to realize that if he or she wants a long term relationship/marraige that is happy and healthy for both partners, then he or she has to be willing to do hard work and makes some sacrifices/compromises--otherwise the person should either remain single, be in a co-dependent/dysfunctional relationship, or just have short term/casual relationships.

In closing, I suggest that if you have not read Getting to I Do, you should read it. And if you have read it and don't like it, you should read it again--this time read it more slowly and more carefully.