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Giving The Love That Heals [Paperback]

Ph.D. Harville Hendrix Ph.D.
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
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Book Description

Aug. 1 1998
Harville Hendrix has illuminated the paths to healthy, loving relationships in his New York Times bestsellers Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find. Now, with his coauthor and wife, Helen Hunt, he brings us to a new understanding of the most profound love of all -- by helping parents nurture their own development as they encourage emotional wholeness in their children.
This groundbreaking book offers a unique opportunity for personal transformation: by resolving issues that originated in our own childhood, we can achieve a conscious, and thus healthier, relationship with our children, regardless of their age. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt help us explore:
  • The Imago -- the fantasy partner that our unconscious mind constructs from those we loved as a child, a that has guided our search for a life partner
  • Maximizer and Minimizer parents -- the defensive styles that internally shape what we say and how interact with our children
  • A Parenting Process that helps to end the "cycle of wounding" -- the handing-down of wounding we received as children -- as we raise our own children
  • Safety, Support, and Structure -- how to give children what they really need from us
  • Modeling Adulthood -- using our healed sense of self as a model for our children.

With other practical, insightful approaches that can powerfully shape the parent-child bond, Giving the Love that Heals gives us the keys to helping our children to become healthy, responsible, and caring people.

Frequently Bought Together

Giving The Love That Heals + Getting the Love You Want, 20th Anniversary Edition: A Guide for Couples + Keeping the Love You Find
Price For All Three: CDN$ 41.51

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Product Description

From Library Journal

The best-selling author of Getting the Love You Want (HarperPerennial, 1988) and his wife here explore the issues of love and healing relative to parenting in order to help parents nurture their own development while encouraging emotional wholeness in their children. Hendrix and Hunt believe that the most accurate predictor of how one will parent is how one was parented. Their theory suggests that by coming to terms with their own childhood, parents can help create a more positive future for their offspring. Not as pragmatic as William and Martha Sears's books on attachment parenting (e.g., Parenting the High-Needs Child, LJ 8/96) nor quite as overtly spiritual as Polly Berrien Berends's Whole Parent, Whole Child (HarperCollins, 1997. 4th ed.), this work is also not the typical child-rearing facts book. Given the popularity of the author's first title, this thought-provoking work is recommended for all public libraries.?Lisa Powell Williams, Moline Southeast Lib., Ill.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.


Don Browning The Divinity School, The University of Chicago Giving The Love That Heals exposes the jugular vein feeding disrupted families -- our tendency to replay our childhood relations with our parents with both our children and spouse.

Jerry M. Lewis, M.D. senior research psychiatrist, Timberlawn Research Foundation (Dallas) Harville Hendrix and his wife, Helen Hunt, have cowritten a remarkable new book on parenting....In this book the authors suggest that early experiences with parents may lead to unresolved issues that later surface in one's own parenting....The book is filled with arresting ideas and practical guidelines. It will be a wonderful value to many readers, and I recommend it to all parents.

Booklist A remarkable tool for improving parent-child relationships.

Library Journal Not the typical child-rearing facts book....[A] thought-provoking work.

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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Best Parenting Book Ever Feb. 6 2003
I recommend this book to every parent who mentions struggling with their child(ren). It goes beyond being just a parenting-technique book to helping the parent identify their own issues stemming from childhood. Through that process, the parent learns where his/her weaknesses or blocks are, so that they have the clarity to discern what is actually occurring with the child, rather than being clouded by his/her perceptions. From there, the parent can use the techniques taught in the book to help the child move successfully through the developmental phase that is causing frustration.
My favorite parts of the book are the detailed explanations of the chronological stages of a child's life; the explanation and examples of symbiotic parenting; and the explanation of how we learn to parent how are parents parented us, which is how they were parented, ad infinitum, with the assurance that we can break the cycle of mistakes.
This is a book for parents who are committed to helping their children navigate through life, even though it requires some self-discovery. It is not a book for a parent who wants a quick solution, because this requires commitment. For me, the healing that resulted in myself, my child and our relationship went far beyond what I was asking for, making the commitment a bargain at any price.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Loved this book! It changed all our lives!!! Aug. 20 1999
By A Customer
My husband and I both loved this book so much and it gave us such great perspective on our children, now 5 and 2 1/2. We have both really relaxed as parents after reading this book and we have gained such a greater understanding into ourselves and why we react to our children the way we do. When my children were both babies, I did not worry about their behavior and was able to give them unconditional love and support. As they got older though, my expectations of them increased and I became uncomfortable with their behavior in many instances (temper tantrums, rude to other adults, unable to share -- normal stuff!). Before reading this book, I constantly worried that my children might end up as "brats" and so much of my son's behavior I interpretted as bratty or felt that if I did not "crack down" on him, he'd end up a "brat." He was continually being put in time outs and worse, spanking him was not unusual. My husband and I hated the constant battles and disciplinary actions which we dreded enforcing and thought there must be a better way. After coming to terms with the way we were parented, we are able to respond calmly and with understanding (most of the time!) when my children do something inappropriate, as opposed to reacting with discipline and control. I now try to take time to look at the behavior objectively and determine if the behavior really does need to be corrected, or if the behavior is normal for where they are at developmentally I am just reacting because of my own personal "baggage." As a result, my relationship with them has GREATLY improved and our home is in harmony most of the time. Read more ›
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5.0 out of 5 stars I now have Peace April 6 2000
Giving the Love that Heals is a book that finally gave me peace. By this I mean it helped to heal the problems from my past and gave me inner peace, and it helped me to deal with my teenage son that I was always fighting with, so now I have peace in the home. This was a book a could not put down once I started to read it. My children and my husband noticed a diffrence in my parenting technique's right away. I have made a conscious effort to see the things in my children that delight me, and not to dwell on the things that they do that are sometimes disappointing. This book taught me that the wounds from my past that I had not dealt with had power over me. Once I dealt with the past, then I realized I could handle the future. Now my future with my husband and children is very bright, and I know I can handle pretty much anything life has to offer me. This is a book I would recommend to everyone. Thank you for the peace in my life and in my heart. Kim Poliacik
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2.0 out of 5 stars Lots of Psycho Babble that says nothing Nov. 2 2002
Harville Hendrix's book, Getting the Love you Want was fantastic--likely the best book on relationships ever. However this book on child rearing is awful. Let me explain why.... The book is loaded with psycho babble and politically correct themes that mean nothing. If you read chapter 1 and Chapter 2 and then ask yourself, what did I learn? You will have to say, uh.. nothing. Chapter 3 is where it should start getting interesting, and although the topic "unconscious parenting" is a good one, there is too darn much fluff.
Getting the Love You Want was short and to the point. I think this book, Giving the Love that Heals, could have been 1/3 the length of what it is. We are a busy people, and shouldn't have to put up with writing that says nothing. This drives me crazy!
I am sure there is something worthwhile in the book, but believe me, you have to skim it quickly to get to those points.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful, Useful Oct. 8 1999
By A Customer
I really enjoyed the book (tape version). While the first halfalmost lost my interest, with the abstract discussion of possible problems, the second half more than made up for it. It has examples of how to put their methods into execution and was quite insightful. I have used their methods in several stressful situations and found that they turned the situation into a win-win. While some parts of the book were counter-intuitive (when you're angry, look at the child's side) they really do work. My only reservation is their belief that all parents have some parenting problems and they do not spend enough time discussing the many different healthy ways chilren can be raised.
I highly recommend the book.
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