Grits Guide To Life [Hardcover]

 

 

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To say that Southern women are used to looking at their whole existence rather than simply their jobs to provide confirmation of their success would be an understatement. Southern girls have never needed the confirmation that typcial feminists require to determine the fact of their importance, and most have adjusted to the fact of inequalities better for that reason. Perhaps it's because they had always been conditioned to their place as auxiliary to their spouses rather than the main event, or perhaps they recognized long ago that in a world not ideal, graciousness and privileges in subordinate positions are better than the unfairness of contentious inequality. Strong advocates of women's rights, however, they have always been; they simply don't like to sacrifice their entire lives to get it, and can't quite figure out why women in the north would be willing to do so. The pleasures of being a woman have much more to do with the fact of whether one is happy in the gender role given than whether the CEO title is suitably noticed to elevate women to the equality of men. Quality of life resides in the comforts as well as the relationships cultivated and most women are familiar enough with the concept of slavery to know they do not wish that to be their lifestyle, or any semblance of their lifestyle. Most black minorities feel the same! So activity meant to produce equality that merely places one in a sacrificial position that compromises both the objectives and the quality of life is not seen as effective - southern style, though it may be in northern style. Most southern women are very particular with whom they spend their time, the efforts they make, and the positions they place themselves in to accomplish life goals. Having learned the hard way through years of civil war and its aftermath, they know the meaning of war and that appreciate the damage it can cause. The pride born of southern women lies in the fact that they value themselves and do not require the confirmation of jobs to validate them, preferring to have that done by family and friends who are not so rigidly organized to produce exact results. While they desire freedom more than most, they understand the limits in a world that has suffered discrimination for all of its 400 years and then some. They are intimately familiar with slow change, and the perceptions of acceptance in a world that prefers stability and no change. They can appreciate the high cost of risk associated with rapid change because they come from states where quick change has produced chaos, and they value their lives too much to introduce too much divisiveness. It has required not only patience but enormous amounts of GRIT to make transformations stick in the South by both men and women; it is always persistence and determination that result in those attitudinal changes that create real social change upon which one may build a foundation because of the traditions valued.

While I don't agree with everything in this book, I did find it hilarious, entertaining, and down-right fun! My husband and I rarely agree on anything (he doesn't even like to read except Sport's Illustrated and "Guns") but he did read this book and loved it. We also agree on two other books that are fun and, yes, he read them too! "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "Bark of the Dogwood"--two other Southern stand-bys.

Also recommended: BARK OF THE DOGWOOD and FRIED GREEN TOMATOES

If I didn't know better, I'd suspect the authors of being Yankee carpetbaggers bent on exploiting the goodwill enjoyed by southern girls and southern culture, because I'm not convinced these ladies get it.

As a daughter of the deep, deep south, I hope I can set a few things straight.

1) "Y'all" is always plural. "Y'all" used in reference to one person is the mark of a bad screenwriter and a bad mimic, neither of whom has ever ventured below the Mason-Dixon line. Sometimes you may hear someone say to another, "I hope y'all can make it to the party," or "How are y'all enjoying the new lake house?" in which case it means "you and yours (not present)." If a lone Southern neighbor drops by for a visit on a Sunday afternoon, don't say, "Y'all come on in" unless you want your neighbor to suspect you're already in your cups and seeing double.

2) The expression is "A whistling woman and a crowing hen never come to a good end." This book records it as "A whistling woman and a crowing him...." As if that means anything at all.

3) "it's" = "it + is" while "its" = "that which belongs to it"
If these "GRITS" don't know the difference or can't find an editor who does, they should get in touch with me. I know several, in Alabama, no less. The authors aren't perpetuating the myth of southern charm; they're perpetuating the myth of southern ignorance.

Truly, if you want the mysteries of southern charm revealed, stick to King's Southern Ladies and Gentlemen or Rich's What Southern Women Know.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Grits (Girls Raised in The South) Guide to Life
I was raised in the South in the fifties and I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this book nor have I laughed so much in a long time. Read more

Published on Jun 28 2003

5.0 out of 5 stars Review from a TRUE GRITS
Deborah Ford has outdone herself! This book is entertaining, comical, refreshing, and a must have on every southern woman's coffee table. Read more

Published on Jun 9 2003

5.0 out of 5 stars Review by a true Grits
This book was refreshing, comical, and portrayed southern women perfectly.

Published on Jun 9 2003

2.0 out of 5 stars Too Politically Correct
The writer of the GRITS Guide to Life covered too much truth with political correctness. Southern Ladies are not accurately portrayed.

Published on May 23 2003

5.0 out of 5 stars GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) is a book for everyone
I read The GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) Guide to Life and can certainly recommend this book. I really enjoyed it! Read more

Published on May 8 2003 by Terrence A. Lynch

1.0 out of 5 stars Poor Imitation
Having fallen in love with other books about southern women especially the Southern Belle Primer and What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should), I grabbed this book as... Read more

Published on May 5 2003 by Carolyn Anderson

5.0 out of 5 stars Girls 'Refined' In The South
Thank you, Deborah!!! I've lived in the South since 1989 and consider it my adopted homeland...I'm honored and humbled to know that I, too, can be a GRITS! Read more

Published on May 3 2003 by Quiltdivajulie

5.0 out of 5 stars Does a Southern Girl Proud!
I saw Deborah Ford on TV the other day and had to run out and buy her boook. I'm so glad I did! She collected stories and sayings and quotes and recipes from her "Southern... Read more

Published on April 21 2003

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