Gutterballs (Ws Unct) [Import]

Flashing back to the glory days of gory days, "Gutterballs" reworks a classic 80's teen-slasher formula and drops it into a bowling alley. Shot with a cast of unknowns, crappy lighting and cliched dialogue, "Gutterballs" looks and feels like it was flashed forward from 1982.

However, there is one notable exception. "Gutterballs" amps the sexual violence way past the norm with a near eight minute graphically sadistic gang rape that sets the rest of the movie into motion. It will repulse you and frankly, it sets "Gutterballs" close to a level of grindhouse porn. But then again, one of the first things you see is an eventual victim bending over in her oh-so-short skirt and exposing her camel-toe. The film does have 'gutter' in the title, and it more than lives up to its name.

Like all z-grade horror, there's a batch of (over the top) teens in some sort of conflict, and this time it's a pair of bowling team o'teens set up for an after-hours grudge match. Our hottie gets attacked before everyone shows up, but has something more in mind than calling the cops. When the opposing sides are gathered, suddenly the bowling alley is mysteriously chained shut and the grisly body counts and naked bodies start to mount. There's plenty of inventive murder effects to be had in "Gutterballs," with one of the first being a couple smothered during (again, borderline pornographic) 69 in a restroom.

If it weren't for the fact that the action is so far past the pale, "Gutterballs" would be an utter failure. The cast rates barely past high-school improv and the script - well, my guess is the only things really plotted were the rapes and kills. Otherwise, there's about a page or meaningful dialogue to be cobbled away from the inane spewing of profanity and sex. There's probably more f--ks blurted out in "Gutterballs" than there was in Scarface, and that's saying something.

Is "Gutterballs" cheap and cheesy, slick and sleazy? Heck yes. Although I must admit, the ending did catch me off guard by about one third, so maybe pure gorehounds might get a kick from the naked boobies and the sexual violence. I can even say I liked this more than Hostel II, so if you thought those were too tame, then "Gutterballs" is up your alley.

Gutterballs (Ryan Nicholson, 2008)

I grant you, Gutterballs is only going to appeal to a limited demographic. Probably a very limited one. But for those of us who get it, Gutterballs is a fun, albeit extremely mean-spirited, romp through our nostalgic pasts, yet it does something so few movies like this even attempt, much less pull off: updating the nostalgic for a modern audience. As such, you can't really call Gutterballs simply an homage; it is more than that.

The story, as you may be able to tell from the title, takes place in a bowling alley. Time: the eighties. And I will pause here to warn you that the soundtrack to the film is dead on, especially if you lived in Canada at the time (Chilliwack were a one-hit wonder down here south of the border). If you are under the age of twenty, you will never hear that much Loverboy concentrated in one area again, but believe me, as a teenager in the mid-eighties, I can attest it's accurate. In any case, two rival teams in a tournament come to blows. There is backstory to this, and much of it seems to have to do with Steve (Trapped's Alastair Gamble), the captain of the team of what we'll call the bad guys, having previously dated Lisa (Nicholson regular Candice Lewald), who dumped him for Jamie (Finder of Lost Children's Nathan Witte). I believe he's the team captain of the team we'll call the good guys. There's nothing subtle about this, by the way; the bad guys are all jocks (save the token nerd), while the good guys are ethnically and culturally diverse. Go figure. In any case, the owner of the alley (Retardead's Dan Ellis) chases them out, telling them they can finish the tournament the next night after closing. All is well and good, save that Lisa has forgotten her purse and needs to go back in to get it. She is ambushed by Steve and his cronies and brutally raped. The next night, the teams converge on the alley to play their game as promised, but they are not alone in the bowling alley... a killer who calls himself BBK is in there with them, taking them out one by one.

First and foremost, a warning for parents (like me) who let their kids watch horror flicks: there is a gorenography scene in this flick. As in hardcore. (And no, it's not the rape scene, at least.) Be aware before letting the kiddies watch this unsupervised. You were wondering what I meant by "updated"? Yeah. I'm not sure the idea of gorenography had even occurred to anyone back in 1985. Okay, strike that. I'm positive it had, but before the advent of widespread direct-to-video, I'm not sure anyone pulled it off. I mean, think about it; horror flicks, especially during the eighties, are cesspits of nudity, sometimes bordering on the softcore. You know where they wanted to go, and these days, a few directors are doing it. Ryan Nicholson is one, and I think that had he continued on making this a serious gorenography flick, he might have come up with the best one to date. But no, it's just a single brief scene (and you know what happens to people who have sex in slasher movies).

The rest of the movie, well, it's got a lot of detractors. And they're right about everything they say. What none of them seem to understand is that everything they're ragging on is, for those of us who couldn't get enough awful eighties horror flicks back in the eighties, exactly what makes us want to watch the movie. The acting is terrible because the acting in eighties horror flicks is terrible. The score is cheesy because the scores of eighties horror films were recorded cheaply using cheap equipment. Etc. Where Nicholson spent his budget, aside from nostalgia items (you'll howl at the ball-waxer), was on the best-quality effects he could get for his buck, and they are miles beyond what you would see in, say, The Boogens or Satan's Cheerleaders (from 1982 and 1977, respectively, and having watched both in the past two weeks, I can guarantee this to be the case). That's the other part of what I meant about updating the movie.

Like I said, vertical market. But if you're in the vicinity of forty and had a love affair with bad horror movies when you were a kid--or if you still have a love affair with them--this will be right up your alley. I loved it. *** 

This was a surprising movie. Most direct to dvd horror movies suck, you will go through alot of turds to find 1 or 2 gems and this,fellow horror fans,is a gem. It reminded me of the good days of the 80s, lots of gore, nudity and just plain fun. This movie has ALL of that in spades. It feels like an old grindhouse/exploitation movie. The characters arent the best(or brightest)out there but work for the sake of the movie. A brutal rape at the start sets in motion a bloodly trail revenge(and mutilated male body parts). Not for the faint of heart but gorehounds(like myself), horror/slasher/exploitation fans will LOVE this movie. I can say there was not a slow or boring part(in my opinion)at all in this movie. Once the killing starts its just relentless. Theres a few twist in the end also which i wont ruin and some of them were unexpected which is good. If you miss the old days of GOOD horror watch this and you will see there might still be hope for the genre. I will eagerly look forward to any other horror films this director makes.