I would like to issue a PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING to everybody thinking about taking a look at "Hercules & Xena - The Animated Movie": Stay away from it unless you have some sort of death wish. It's not even a good laugh!
I won't even start about how all the characters acting out of their usual self especially when Hercules growls all the time like his Tikka Massala was a bit too heavy and he slams poor Iolaus against a wall for just voicing some concern.
Or that Iolaus comes across as the guy who only stands around and tries to talk Herc out of everything. Out of character was certainly his reaction when Hercules asks him if he'll come with him to Mt. Olympus to free his mother, or if he'd rather stay behind and flirt with Aphrodite. Now as an Iolausian, I know that the 'Golden One' does have a thing for the Goddess of Love, but he would have not stayed behind and let his best friend take on the Gods by himself while looking at Aphrodite with drool running down his chin!
Hercules' hair looked also very familiar and it took me a while to place it as it was flowing in the wind. It was from "The Last Unicorn". And why did the Titans look like some lost additions to the X-Men?
The entire disaster was accompanied by Musical-style singing. I fear however that "We are the Titans - we are the best" will not be a chart breaker this summer. I just can't see myself dance to it and it doesn't have some cool moves to it either.
All the characters where voiced by the actors who play them in the show, but even those talents, didn't help. I tried to watch parts of the movie with my eyes closed, but Hercules upset stomach noises brought me straight back into the cruel reality.
The artwork behind the movie is extremely poor. Being a fan of "The Dark Knight", I could recognize some of the character's body forms and facial features and if you'd painted a black cape around Hercules, there would have been no telling him apart from Batman. The artists on the job must have either loved Iolaus' vest or they had a special deal on paint, because the entire background of the movie is purple. Or maybe they just had one too many for the road ...
Artemis looked like a female cross between Peter Pan and Robin Hood and her constant giggling was starting to get to me towards the end. Thank the Titans, they turned her into a rabbit.
And Ares! Boy, was I looking forward to him until I saw this greyish weasel of the shadow of Kevin Smith's portrayal of the mighty God of War. Whatever happened to the concept of basic black? This Ares was certainly not tall, dark, handsome and I doubt that he could stay up all night. In this dull grey outfit, no wonder Xena walked all over him. Literally.
But Xena and Gabrielle topped it all. The Warrior Princess was more than just a 'black-clad chick with a bad attitude' and I still haven't figured out where those red highlights in her hair came from. Punk certainly wasn't the fashion in ancient Greece - or was it? Gabrielle did the only sensible thing. She turned into an American Eagle ("Oh-ho say can you seeee ...") right at the beginning of the movie and that's all we heard from Renee until the end. A wise move.
Overall - as friends told me they couldn't get past the first fighting scene - I felt now challenged to get through it. I believed firmly I'd seen my share of crap in my lifetime and nothing can beat " Ghostbusters - The Animated TV Series".
But I must admit to have been proven wrong once more.
One thing struck me though. The storyline and a subconscious connection I made to the show ... In the very last episode "Full Circle", Hercules and Iolaus are taking on the Gods and the Titans ... Maybe "The Battle for Mt. Olympus" was a sign of things to come?
