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Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children [Paperback]

Elizabeth Pantley
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
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Book Description

Sept. 22 2000 Pantley

What are you really telling your children?

Elizabeth Pantley, the creator of the bestselling No-Cry parenting books, shows you how to improve the hidden messages behind your words and deeds. She shares with you other parents' stories that demonstrate how they unknowingly sent their kids negative messages through their words and actions. After each story she provides a gentle lesson by showing the child's perspective on the same scenario and offers suggestions for a positive outcome.


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Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children + Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate + Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips
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Review

"A must read for all parents." -- Ray & Lynne Heinrich, Ontario Stepfamily Association, Canada

"Don't miss the empowering, supportive advice found here to help children feel loved and become healthy, happy, capable adults." -- Shelley Butler & Deb Kratz, Authors, The Field Guide to Parenting

"It's refreshing to finally find an author whose life is so parallel to the common family." -- Janice Boyles, Publisher, Choosing Home, The Newsletter for At-home/work-at-home Moms

"No other parenting book that I've read covers this topic so thoroughly and thoughtfully." -- Keri Baker, Creator and Webmaster, Parentingweb.com

"Respectful to parents, clear and readable and absolutely helpful." -- Kathy Lynn, President, Parenting Today

"Reveals the subtle but significant ways that parent's words and actions influence their child's behavior and development." -- Bobbi Conner, Host, The Parent's Journal, heard nationwide on Public Radio

"Shows us concrete ways to use positive language and productive actions to direct our children towards more successful futures." -- Jill Whalen, Editor, Parentsroom Website

From the Back Cover

Even the best-informed parents will be shocked to discover that they have unintentionally been sending their kids the wrong messages. In this book, these hidden messages are revealed through intriguing stories that will make you laugh, cry, and reflect upon your own family life. Hidden Messages will teach you about yourself and encourage you to look at what's really going on between you and your children. Through specific action plans, it will help you uncover the best ways to raise your children to be happy, successful people.


Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Curt, a bright sixteen-year-old, was bursting with excitement over his newly earned driver's licence. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5 stars
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Ho-hum. Pretty common sense, little useful info March 14 2003
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
Oh please. The examples were all cheesey, and it was so obvious what the "hidden message" was. Parenting would be EASY if all you had to do was be as obvious as the examples given. I bought the book expecting a more complex treatment of hidden messages and child development, but all we get are a bunch of vignettes which are pretty easy to avoid in your own life if you're paying any attention at all.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing! Life changing! June 15 2001
Format:Paperback
Everything we do is giving a message to our children. A scary thought? Certainly, especially when we realise that often we are unknowingly giving them entirely the WRONG message. Sometimes we are inadvertently teaching our children the exact OPPOSITE of what we would like to. The good news is that we can learn to give our kids the messages we really WANT them to get! Hidden Messages: What our words and actions are really telling our children is a book that EVERY parent needs to read.
As always, Elizabeth Pantley challenges us to think about our parenting and teaches us how to make changes that can have dramatic effects on the lives of our families. Her style is gentle and positive. As Dr. William Sears writes in his foreword, "Sure to gently tweak the consciences of even the best parents, inspire them to raise their children in a more conscious and sensitive manner - and tug at the heartstrings as a reminder to give constructive messages to our children".
This book is DIFFERENT! Elizabeth Pantley uses stories (some real, some partly contrived) to illustrate a whole variety of parenting lessons. This is very effective indeed. Many parents will be able to see themselves in some of the examples. As I read, I felt at times shocked, at times amazed, at times I even shed a tear or two. I learnt a great deal about myself, my parenting, and how to make some important changes. When you read this book, be prepared to be moved.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Walking a mile... Nov. 9 2000
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
"Hidden Messages" puts the reader back into the mind and heart of the child, and moves the reader to think more carefully about the things s/he says to, does for, and behaves around children. The book is based on the premise that most of us are "good parents" trying our best and incites us to think things through as we go through our everyday routines. The main thrust of the book is "walking a mile" in our children's shoes. Each section describes a common, everyday occurrence in family life, an incident that might not otherwise provoke a moment of thought...until viewed through a child's eyes. It then describes the child's possible interpretation, and discusses approaches.
When I read this book, I found myself saying over and over again, "Yes, I've done that...I've never thought of things that way..."
The book provokes thought on behalf of our children in a wise, witty, warm way that made me want to hug my children at the conclusion of every chapter. It offered reassurance that I'm just like most parents, yet gives me ways I can improve my communication style and be more mindful of the examples I set. I can't think of anyone who could not benefit from reading it.
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5.0 out of 5 stars I love this book! Nov. 28 2000
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I was SO surprised to find that some of the things I have been doing to/for/with my children actually can have the opposite effect as what I had planned! Here I was thinking that I was being such a great mother, when huge mistakes were lurking beneath the surface. I hate to give away the punchline, so I won't give exact details, except to say that I have really changed my way of raising my children.
Another really great thing about this book is that it doesn't read like a million other boring parenting books -- the format is set up in stories that are a real joy to read. I found myself laughing and crying my way through them. The "Hidden Message" after each story often took my breath away - WOW! (I would think) I've never thought of it that way before.
I highly recommend this book - you'll learn things that you never expected to learn. It'll change your life. It did mine.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Devoted parents! June 18 2003
Format:Paperback
Once again Pantley has done it. What a fabulous window into myself and my children. I must confess that I think I am a most devoted and conscientious parent. With a background in early childhood education, I feel well prepared to competently reer my two boys. But Elizabeth's book has me re-examining some of my everyday decisions, such as cleaning up after my three year old or staying after him to do it. More importantly, reading certain scenarios was a reminder to me that every interaction with my children has an impact on their fragile little developing personalities. And frequently the impact is more far reaching than I anticipate.
Hidden Messages is not only valuable information. It also compellingly written by an author who is as competent and experienced as she is earnest and compassionate.
This book is a "must read" for parents!
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing hidden messages
I have not finished the book yet. But I should say that I am very happy I picked up this one. I am learning many things that otherwise I would have never thought about. Read more
Published on May 16 2011 by Cocoya
5.0 out of 5 stars Most powerful book I've ever read!
Powerful is the only word to describe this book. I can't believe the impact it can have on your life. Read more
Published on April 19 2004 by "gabbyraja"
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderfully written....Important topics
Powerful eye-opening messages that expose the errors in our innocent daily actions with our children. Each chapter opens with a very typical and common parent-child situation. Read more
Published on March 3 2004 by Reader
5.0 out of 5 stars An eye-opener for all parents
You THINK you know, but sometimes you are fooled. There are things that this book uncovered for me that showed me the error or my way of thinking. Read more
Published on May 16 2003 by Amy K
5.0 out of 5 stars EXCELLENT BOOK!!!!!
I could not stop reading this book! The short stories make it so interesting that I couldn't wait to read the next. Read more
Published on Feb. 27 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars This was a great "heads up" for us
Our son is only 2 1/2, and a lot of the stories in this book apply more to kids who are a little older, so it has served us more as a warning before we have a chance to send many... Read more
Published on Feb. 3 2003 by "mhalletts"
4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful and interesting
I love this book. It gives real life examples of common parent behavior that have surprising implications and influence on kids. Read more
Published on Oct. 29 2001 by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read and eye opening
I love the format of this book and the messages it accompanies. You read a story about a parenting situation and think, well, I do that, what's the big deal? Read more
Published on Aug. 20 2001 by Samantha Francis
5.0 out of 5 stars I LOVED THIS BOOK!
I highly recommend this book. I have seen many of the examples in my family as well as in families of friends. She makes the book very interesting by putting in stories. Read more
Published on March 1 2001 by Tricia A. Main
5.0 out of 5 stars Food for Thought!
Elizabeth Pantley's latest book, extracts of which have been featured in the Practical Parenting newsletter. Read more
Published on Feb. 7 2001 by andygill@practicalparent.org.uk
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