The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You [Paperback]

This second book builds on her previous research, this time taking on the topic of Relationships and along with it, possibly one of the most difficult issues facing Highly Sensitive People (HSPs): How to balance a strong need for "alone and quiet time" with the genuine desire to have an active and fulfilling intimate relationship. In addition to her research, Aron (an HSP) also draws on experiences from her own marriage to a non-HSP.

As a starting point, the book includes a "Sensitivity Self Test" for both the reader and their mate or potential partner. Aron then goes on to explain how HSPs differ from the rest of the world in the way they fall in love, think about love, and their needs within a relationship. There are separate chapters covering the pluses and minuses of different types of relationships: Two HSPs together, and an HSP paired with a non-HSP, as well as the differing needs of highly sensitive men and women. Finally, there are sections on "Building Sensitive Partnerships" and HSP Sexuality. Except for a few vague and indirect references, "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love" deals strictly with heterosexual relationships.

Whereas I enjoyed this book, and found much useful information within its pages, it didn't seem to offer quite the number of insights provided by "The Highly Sensitive Person." This perhaps goes to illustrate that whereas HSPs may have special needs, their relationship dynamics aren't AS different from anyone else's as one might think. Still, the book is well worth a read-- the sections on dating that "works" for an HSP, handling conflicts in a relationship, communication, and dividing "like" and "dislike" tasks in low-stress ways are highly recommended.

Aron's writing style gets a little dry and "clinical" from time to time, but the book is still quite readable. I think it stands alone quite well, but I would still highly recommend also reading Dr. Aron's original book.

Overall rating: Recommended (7.2 bookmarks out of a possible 10), not only for the Highly Sensitive Person, but also for a less sensitive person with a Highly Sensitive partner who thoroughly mystifies them!

I particularly found some useful insights in what she has to say about high-sensation seeking and its interactions with the high sensitivity trait.

My only serious criticism is the way she glosses over any relationships other than the heterosexual. I understand not wanting to "push" male HSPs to identify as gay, when many tend to experience throughout their early lives a good deal of social pressure in that vein.

But in focusing almost exclusively on HSPs who are exclusively "straight," mentioning same-sex orientations only in the context of the "feminine" marker that high sensitivity tends to carry in American culture, I felt a veil of silence was dropped over subjects significant to (I would guess) a great many HSPs.

While much of the advice this book contains may be as applicable to gay, lesbian or bisexual HSPs as it is to those who are straight, one could take away an impression that Aron somewhat dismisses relationships that do not conform to widely presumed "norms."

A book that deals openly and in detail with HSMs and issues of gender identity or affinity remains to be written. Aron has helped make such a book possible, and perhaps she or one of her students will someday write such a book.