Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love [Paperback]

Hold Me Tight is the best book I have ever read on couples therapy because unlike a lot of other books, it makes sense and it works. Sue Johnson is an Ottawa-based professor and relationship therapist who noticed that traditional therapies often didn't work. Instead of persevering with the old ways or blaming herself, she went back to the drawing board and came up with a new model.

When I was studying therapy I remember my teachers telling me that couples therapy was by far the most challenging kind of therapy'not for the faint of heart. Of course it'll never be a cakewalk, but I think Sue Johnson has revolutionized the field by articulating clear and definite steps to healing broken relationships.

Johnson went back to the books and revisited Attachment Theory, pioneered by John Bowlby in the 1940's. Most therapists assumed his theory was peculiar to parents and children since that's what his studies were based on. Johnson's stroke of genius was to realize that Bowlby's theory underpins all relationships. Understanding relationships from a new angle gave Johnson a valuable and useful way of understanding how they function and how they break down.

Being on the clinical side gave Johnson the tools to articulate a theory and a way to test it. Also being a therapist she took her theory into the field and tested it on real couples having real attachment problems. Before long Johnson understood the hidden language behind disputes and began to teach couples how to have conversations with one another.

The result is this fine book that is part theory, part teaching tool and part self help book. Anyone can read it and get a very good idea of how to improve their relationship or teach couples how to talk to one another in a way that heals instead of inflames. Hold Me Tight is nicely organized around seven types of conversations that couples can have that will build trust and attachment between them. Couples can use this book as a guide to learn how to talk to one another and by mastering the steps. Beyond couples, parents and children and friends will find knowing how to have these conversations useful to maintaining the health of their relationships.

If you prefer to learn Hold Me Tight conversations experientially, Sue Johnson teaches her methodology to therapists and certifies them. There are now hundreds of therapists in North America who are trained to help couples learn how to talk and listen to each other. You can find a certified therapist or a training program near you at Hold Met Tight. I learned a lot from this book that I will put into practice with all my relationships. This is a book that everyone will benefit from reading.

This is the most cutting edge, relevant book for couples I have ever seen on the market! Not only is it backed by numerous research studies, it is also an extremely interesting read. You can apply it immediately to your relationship and start to feel closer to your partner. Find out what your relationship dance looks like!

Hands down the best relationship book I have ever read. A paradigm changer--it felt intuitively right from the first chapter, yet I also see the world in a different way. It took the core values I held about life, and showed me how to really live them better. Of course, starting with the relationships closest to me.

There are no complicated rules here, what you need to do doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount of work, and what Johnson says makes so much sense it's not hard to remember. By chapter four you'll have a good idea of some things you can do and STOP doing, without even having started the "seven conversations."

Johnson's methods are based on 25 years of clinical research, and have a 75% success rate. So at least ask yourself this: What have you got to lose? It's not a long book, the science is super interesting, and many of the stories are touching.

And don't be fooled by the frouffy title, it's not a frouffy book. ;-) Johnson's a scientist, not a writer, so the writing might veer into the self-helpy; or her retelling of the couple's conversations sound fake at times (people always "giggle" when I'm sure in real life they just laughed). But the science she talks about is serious stuff, and the ideas are deep, so I never felt I was being frouffed-over.