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Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love [Paperback]

Sue Johnson
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)

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Book Description

April 1 2012
Developed over 20 years ago and practiced all over the world, Emotionally Focused Therapy has been heralded by Time magazine and the New York Times as one of the only types of therapy to actually work. Couples who practice EFT see a 75% success rate (compared to 30% for other forms of relationship therapy). EFT focuses on the emotional connection of every relationship by de-escalating conflict, creating a safe emotional connection, and strengthening bonds between partners.

Now in paperback, HOLD ME TIGHT introduces readers to EFT and illustrates a program they can use in their own relationships. Part I introduces the view of love as an attachment bond and applies this view to relationship problems. Part II offers seven "conversations" that focus on key moments. Readers can use these to understand their responses and relationships better. Included are exercises to help couples work through the process.

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"A much needed message to all couples and therapists and I recommend it to all."-Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., author of "Getting the Love You Want "and "Receiving Love" "At last, a road map through Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with its creator. Dr. Johnson's superb science, humor, and clinical wisdom are finally accessible to all of us. I couldn't pick a smarter, warmer, and more real guide for this journey." -John Gottman, Ph.D., author of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" """A truly revolutionary, breakthrough book... the most important, valuable book for couples published in the 21st century." -Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., author of Getting It Right the First Time "Sue Johnson [is] the most original contributor to couples therapy to come along in the last 30 years...An instant classic." -William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage

About the Author

Dr. Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist and Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant International University in San Diego, CA. The developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, she is a recognized leader in the new science of relationships. Dr. Johnson is the author of numerous books and articles, and she has trained thousands of therapists in North America and around the world. She lives in Ottawa, Canada. For more information on Dr. Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, visit www.iceeft.com and www.holdmetight.com.

Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
18 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hold me Tight - Review May 11 2011
Hold Me Tight is the best book I have ever read on couples therapy because unlike a lot of other books, it makes sense and it works. Sue Johnson is an Ottawa-based professor and relationship therapist who noticed that traditional therapies often didn't work. Instead of persevering with the old ways or blaming herself, she went back to the drawing board and came up with a new model.

When I was studying therapy I remember my teachers telling me that couples therapy was by far the most challenging kind of therapy'not for the faint of heart. Of course it'll never be a cakewalk, but I think Sue Johnson has revolutionized the field by articulating clear and definite steps to healing broken relationships.

Johnson went back to the books and revisited Attachment Theory, pioneered by John Bowlby in the 1940's. Most therapists assumed his theory was peculiar to parents and children since that's what his studies were based on. Johnson's stroke of genius was to realize that Bowlby's theory underpins all relationships. Understanding relationships from a new angle gave Johnson a valuable and useful way of understanding how they function and how they break down.

Being on the clinical side gave Johnson the tools to articulate a theory and a way to test it. Also being a therapist she took her theory into the field and tested it on real couples having real attachment problems. Before long Johnson understood the hidden language behind disputes and began to teach couples how to have conversations with one another.

The result is this fine book that is part theory, part teaching tool and part self help book. Anyone can read it and get a very good idea of how to improve their relationship or teach couples how to talk to one another in a way that heals instead of inflames.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hold Me Tight Sept. 9 2011
By Darsu
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is in a relationship, has just come out of one or who is contemplating getting into one. In other words, for everyone over the age of 12. The great strength of this book is that it delivers the goods in the first 62 pages. It then goes on to give real life experiences and practical techniques for couples to work on. It should be made part of High School curriculum.
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16 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing book! Aug. 5 2008
This is the most cutting edge, relevant book for couples I have ever seen on the market! Not only is it backed by numerous research studies, it is also an extremely interesting read. You can apply it immediately to your relationship and start to feel closer to your partner. Find out what your relationship dance looks like!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Where was this 13 years ago? Dec 21 2012
Format:MP3 CD|Verified Purchase
From a stale marriage to one where we are both working at being in love again. This should be required reading for anyone married. Makes you realize how precious and important marriage is and how you have to fight to keep it alive and vibrant!!!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars More Bookish Thoughts... Sept. 1 2012
By Reader Writer Runner TOP 50 REVIEWER
In "Hold Me Tight," Susan Johnson asserts that accessibility, responsiveness and engagement in the emotional bond provide the keys to a couple's happiness and satisfaction. She uses attachment theory to explain how partners love and why they fight and she demonstrates the human desire for connection: we constantly seek it, we thrive when we have it, we suffer when we don't, we fight for it when it's threatened and we grieve when it is gone.

Drawing on years of clinical research, Johnson presents a program of discovery and growth to help couples develop stronger bonds. Through her seven conversations, she untangles vicious cycles of interaction, explores underlying emotions and creates new strategies for dialogue. Although it may not contain the most recent research on relationships, "Hold Me Tight" provides intelligent and insightful advice to help couples tackle their core issues.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for singles too! June 4 2012
By Candice
A friend referred me to this book. Even though I am currently not in a realtionship, I wanted to do some self reflecting on what happens in my realtionships, and how to make future ones more succesful. This book open my eyes to the self defeating cycle I was in, and reassured my strong desire to be loved was normal, not crazy lol Recommend this book to any one wanting better realtionships!
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Relationship help... July 20 2009
Ever feel like you're wandering through your relationships lost? Not quite sure of how to make a relationship work, to make that real connection with the other person? This book provided a look at how emotions play a vital role in our relationships and how we need to acknowledge our emotions and use them to help create that "safe haven" for our partner. We're all vulnerable and we need to feel safe with our partner. This grounds us and let's us focus on what's important. This book provides that insight and gives you an understanding and exercises to work through to help start to create that connection.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Practical Relationship Help Feb. 24 2014
By Cathy
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
This book was more of a 'how-to' manual than Sue Johnson's other book (Love Sense). I found lots that I could relate to in this book, and learned a lot about myself, and others, and my relationships with other people and why they work (or don't). This would be a great book to read along with a committed and willing partner and would be sure to improve your communication and overall relationship.
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Incredibly moving and insightful
Published 4 days ago by Cory Bigham
5.0 out of 5 stars understanding what is happening
Really excellent. It helps you understand what is happening in your relationship and ways to deal with the Dialogues you are dealing with.
Published 5 days ago by Terrence Connoy
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Deep, practical, and emotional. A must-read for all couples.
Published 1 month ago by p s smyth
4.0 out of 5 stars An interesting read and guide to understanding couples/personal...
An interesting read and guide to understanding couples/personal relationships and how to resolve and work together to achieve positive results.
Published 2 months ago by Wisteria
4.0 out of 5 stars Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
A very good analysis of conflict in close relationships. Sue Johnson's real life examples of troubled relationships and practical advice
fills a void in the traditional... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Shirley
5.0 out of 5 stars Valuable information
Started reading this book in "e" form but felt that I wanted to re-read (and underline) many portions so I bought the book form.
Published 4 months ago by Pat McClelland
5.0 out of 5 stars practical and insightful
A perfect manual for loving relationships. Full of insight on the intimate dance of love and on how to be an aware and connected partner in that dance. Beautiful. Read more
Published 7 months ago by DarkFairy
5.0 out of 5 stars The Best Relationship Book on the Market
As a therapist, I would recommend this book to any client. As a person, I recommend it to anyone. @Dr_SueJohnson #EFT
Published 7 months ago by Meghan
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome!
Really explains the issues of conflict between partners that arise from poor communication. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who wishes to understand and resolve... Read more
Published 11 months ago by Sonne
5.0 out of 5 stars Hold Me Tight
Very insightful and useful! It is a great help in understanding oneself and also in your relationship with your partner.
Published 11 months ago by Phil Droznika
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