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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
 
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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands [Kindle Edition]

Chelsea Handler
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)

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Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt." ---Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry

Product Details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 316 KB
  • Print Length: 213 pages
  • Publisher: Bloomsbury USA (Sep 6 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B002UM5BIM
  • Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
  • X-Ray: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #43,914 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Boring! Aug 5 2010
Format:Paperback
This book is the first I have read by Chelsea, and it was so BORING.
Pretty much the same thing every single chapter, and while I thought it was going to get better, it just got worst.
I wanted to read some juicy stuff here, and it was nothing of that sort. Just plain, generic stories about being a hoe.
TOTALLY a waste of money, I will never read her crap again.

With loveXX
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Offensive... July 14 2010
Format:Paperback
I love to laugh and enjoy guilty pleasures such as Legally Blonde...but this was plain ignorant and offensive. Sorry...not recommended.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing May 17 2009
Format:Paperback
I usually love Chelsea Handler's comedy, but this book is just tasteless and trashy. She depicts herself as a very sleazy, promiscuous character, who will sleep with anyone and drink to the point of oblivion. Really bad attempt at humor, cliches, bad, bad, bad.
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars My Horizontal Life
My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler.
Another great read! lots of laughs and I also shared with friends, who loved it too!
Published 24 days ago by Dorinda Nightingale
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious
Chelsea Handler tells it like it is and it definitely made me LOL. Reading this book for book club and there will be lots to talk about!
Published 13 months ago by jaimejm
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny as hell
I was realy suprised with this book, I laughed out loud many times, great read... Now i want to read her other books
Published 21 months ago by Michelle Tremblay
5.0 out of 5 stars Chelsea being Chelsea
This book is hilarious!
The more I read, the more I liked it. Each chapter has a unique twist. If you like Chelsea, you will definitely enjoy this read.
Published 23 months ago by Eehyo
3.0 out of 5 stars Funny
I love Chelsea Handler. She always makes me laugh on tv. I found this book really funny. But when it reached about half way through, I was a little tired of reading about HOW MUCH... Read more
Published 23 months ago by Fia
5.0 out of 5 stars I read this horizontally
I read this, in bed for three hours and laughed so hard the bed was shaking constantly! The people downstairs must have thought I was having a very, very, very good time doing... Read more
Published on April 17 2011 by Taryn
5.0 out of 5 stars !!GREAT!!
This is by far her best book! I was a little hesistant because this topic can just become an exaggeration, but this was hilarious page-by-page. A must read for any woman!
Published on May 1 2010 by Crystal Male
5.0 out of 5 stars My favorite book
I've passed this book around my group of girlfriends for years. Everyone loves it. I've read it several times. It's laugh out loud hilarious.
Published on April 27 2010 by B. Thompson
4.0 out of 5 stars funny girl
it's a pretty funny book if you like chelsea handler's sense of humour; very sexual, kind of in your face. Read more
Published on April 13 2010 by D. Lavictoire
4.0 out of 5 stars Very entertaining.
I had never heard of Chelsea Handler before, but this book sounded interesting. I was looking for some light reading and I was not expecting much more than that from this book. Read more
Published on Jan 31 2010 by Lolla
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers. &quote;
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends. &quote;
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The great thing about sleeping with a midget is that first you get to have sex with them and then you can use them as a pillow. &quote;
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