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How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving [Paperback]

David Richo
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 19.95
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Book Description

Jun 18 2002
"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:

   1.  Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
   2.  Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
   3.  Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
   4.  Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
   5.  Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.


When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.
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Frequently Bought Together

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving + The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them + When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships
Price For All Three: CDN$ 42.52

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  • The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them CDN$ 12.96

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  • When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships CDN$ 15.16

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Product Details


Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

Approaching the study of relationships from a psychotherapist's perspective is How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Teacher and writer David Richo gives practical and spiritual exercises for couples and singles who want to have mature and lasting relationships. Emphasizing paying attention and letting go, Richo gently and compassionately coaches readers on what he calls the five A's: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. His book, which proposes "letting go of ego," will help those seeking personal transformation in their relationships. (June)
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"Well-constructed and thought-provoking."—Spirituality & Health

"An inspiring and highly practical guide to effective relationships."—Kathlyn Hendricks, coauthor of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart


Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5 stars
Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Gentle, Wise and Intelligent May 10 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I bought this book in the midst of a breakup I didn't understand, and which saddened me beyond belief. In fact I bought several "relationship" books trying to figure out what was happening; however, this one enriched me the most. My boyfriend ignored all of my requests for a "talk" about what was going on after he decided to end it, despite his claim that it was the best relationship he had. At first I blamed his fears about committment and unwillingness to work through conflict and build a life with a partner, something I thought we both wanted. Reading this book, I came to realize that his desire to end the relationship runs much deeper than "we have to break up because I'm moving," and that his actions are most likely rooted deep in his subconcious, which is telling him that he is unworthy of love. This book also helped me crystalize my own set of motives that I brought to the relationship and helped me see what I did and didn't do based on my own set of values and "issues." There are excercises to help you weed out your patterns in terms of relating to people.

It's written with an incredible amount of insight about the nature of relationships, the partners we pick, the psychological material we bring, and the inevitiable vagaries of what happens when two people are in love. I especially liked that the authors don't "dumb" down the discussion, like so many other books, which address you like you're an eight grader.

I've come to realize that the relationship that's currently dissovling is probably over, as I can't cajole or convince my partner of anything. This book helped me see that we're at two different places in our capacity to give and receive love--and it's FINE for it to be that way. In this way, I've found the peace in my heart to let him go with love, acceptance, and compassion so that he can continue on his own heroic journey that he's mapped out for himself--even if he's chosen to do it alone. In short, this book gave me some of the understanding and relief that I was seeking and helped me accept that the relationship will end without anything being resolved--hard to accept but necessary to move on. Highly recommended--for both gay and straghts--and I know my next relationship will be better because of my having read this book.

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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars extremely enlightening Feb 17 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I was inspired to read this book by the other comments that I read here and I feel compelled to write my own also. This is one of the most beautifully written books about relationships that I have ever read. For me, at this time in my life (almost 50) it was very poignant and spoke to me at a very deep level. The author writes in such a gentle manner that you feel as though he takes you on a journey of spiritual self discovery. He made me aware of many aspects of my inner self that I was previously completely unaware. It is a very worthwhile and growth producing book for those who are ready to hear what he has to say.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Love David Richo's books April 24 2013
By Kep
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I am happy to discover this author. I have many of his books. This is one of my favorites. He seems to come from a Christian background using many Buddhist teachings. Very compassionate and loving. He teaches us how to deal with the struggles in all relationships, finding ways to communicate our needs and respect the needs of others in order to resolve the conflicts. If you link onto his site via his name, there's a free ebook that's a compilation from many of his books.
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening
Absolutely a good read. A very educational read. I wish that I had read it 25 years ago. A must buy for anyone who wants to grow as a person.
Published 10 months ago by MJD
5.0 out of 5 stars how to be an adult in relationships
This is a timeless book that every human being should find valuable. The world would definitely be a better place if more people read, understood, and practiced what is presented... Read more
Published on Sep 26 2010 by janet
1.0 out of 5 stars do not buy this book
I totally agree with the reviewer that said this book is a waste of time and money. It is akin to reading a psychology text book. Read more
Published on Sep 17 2006 by a customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A gentle "in your face" kind of truth...
I bought this book in the midst of confusion as to wether I was going to get married or break off a relationship with a particular person. Read more
Published on July 18 2004 by deirdre_of_the_sorrows
1.0 out of 5 stars Crappy book, big words, but all common sense
I am usually pretty trustful of amazon.com review system. I usually buy books that are widely read and highly reviewed by the online customers. Read more
Published on Jun 7 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Insightful!!!
I originally sought books to help me get over a man in my life that is still IN my life, but not committed to me. Read more
Published on Dec 1 2003 by S. L. Hale
5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely Inspiring!
This is an extremely inspiring book on not just relationships but on becoming mature as a human being. It helped me understand why I am this way and how I can grow out of it. Read more
Published on Sep 3 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a very solid book ...
This book is by far the best self help book for relationship building i have read to date. it explained that the problems i was having were inside of me and i simply needed a... Read more
Published on Jun 18 2003 by Noah
5.0 out of 5 stars Adult relationships for Adult readers
I bought this book because my partner told me to grow up before she left me and it turned out to be the greatest gift of my life. Read more
Published on Feb 11 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars A "MUST READ" For Every Person!
I highly recommend this book to every person - regardless of age, sex, or relationship status. This is a book that you will read, underline and write in, turn down corners, and use... Read more
Published on Aug 15 2002 by Kenlyn
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